Post by: 280plus on March 12, 2008, 04:15:37 PM
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services.
I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at
all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of
"Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy
sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will
believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the
knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those
around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise
mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high
enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for
the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will
wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell
myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told
me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a
court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my
Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different
Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I
left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I
am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay
home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking
Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take
her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while
getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day
at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report
back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will help me get a job up! On separation, and will end
up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"
_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the
Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in
dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why
not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to
have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I
understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer
and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a
different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using
words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and
head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole
in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are
completely different from the other services and make absolutely no
sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for
Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly
illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix
bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force
women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes
SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah
Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
Post by: grampster on March 12, 2008, 04:37:38 PM
Post by: Perd Hapley on March 12, 2008, 06:30:57 PM
And what are blousing straps? Some girlie crap that Marines wear to look pretty for one another?
Post by: Phantom Warrior on March 12, 2008, 09:07:36 PM
Post by: Finch on March 12, 2008, 11:46:10 PM
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 13, 2008, 03:03:51 AM
Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....
So what exactly is your problem with the military? They wouldnt take you, I take it.
Post by: HankB on March 13, 2008, 03:27:42 AM
Those mighty fighting Leathernecks,
wherever they may go,
they're always bringing up the rear,
behind Bob Hope and the USO.
I guess more than one bar fight resulted.
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 13, 2008, 03:47:50 AM
One of my dad's younger cousins was in Korea - Army - and said that while the Army did the heavy lifting, the Marines had the press corps. They even made up a little ditty about this:
Those mighty fighting Leathernecks,
wherever they may go,
they're always bringing up the rear,
behind Bob Hope and the USO.
I guess more than one bar fight resulted.
Those mighty fighting Leathernecks,
wherever they may go,
they're always bringing up the rear,
behind Bob Hope and the USO.
I guess more than one bar fight resulted.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Chromite
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Chosin_Reservoir
But yeah, the Marines were always taking up the rear.
Post by: grampster on March 13, 2008, 05:17:44 AM
Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....
So what exactly is your problem with the military? They wouldnt take you, I take it.
No, that was the prelude to 280's last will and testament for posting a humorous set of oaths that poke fun of the various branches of military. To answer your questions, none and no again. I was drafted just after the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. I was a police officer at the time. At that time LE was deferred for job reasons. At least that is what I was told.
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 13, 2008, 05:20:36 AM
Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....
So what exactly is your problem with the military? They wouldnt take you, I take it.
No, that was the prelude to 280's last will and testament for posting a humorous set of oaths that poke fun of the various branches of military. To answer your questions, none and no again. I was drafted just after the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. I was a police officer at the time. At that time LE was deferred for job reasons. At least that is what I was told.
Okay I get it now.
Post by: danny on March 13, 2008, 05:36:25 AM
You forgot to slander the National Guard and the Coast Guard. Shouldn't be too hard....
Post by: 280plus on March 13, 2008, 06:23:35 AM
Quote
Hey 280,
You forgot to slander the National Guard and the Coast Guard. Shouldn't be too hard....
Hey, I didn't write it, I figured a Coastie or the NG did. You forgot to slander the National Guard and the Coast Guard. Shouldn't be too hard....
It pokes just as much fun at my favorite branch as yours so I'm not seeing a problem.
Besides, in my case, if I wanted to be picky, it was "Quarters" not "muster" and it was at 0800 not 0700.
Post by: Hawkmoon on March 13, 2008, 08:14:33 AM
Blousing straps, also called blousing cords, are used in place of tucking your pants legs into your boots. You wrap it around your calf and tuck the cuff of your pants up under it. The rest of the pants leg hangs down a little bit and your pants are properly bloused.
Another sign of the decline of the Modern Military.
Blousing cords existed when I was in the Army. You could buy them in the PX. However, you were not allowed to actually USE them. The correct method back then WAS to tuck your trousers into the top of your boots. Unfortunately, it would appear that a significant percentage of today's all-volunteer Army don't possess sufficient hand-eye coordination to accomplish what we ignorant products of the inferior, involuntary servitude Army accomplished routinely, every single morning. (I was RA, to be honest, but most of my fellow soldados were draftees, and somehow we all managed to blouse our trou without blousing straps.)
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 13, 2008, 08:18:49 AM
Blousing straps, also called blousing cords, are used in place of tucking your pants legs into your boots. You wrap it around your calf and tuck the cuff of your pants up under it. The rest of the pants leg hangs down a little bit and your pants are properly bloused.
Another sign of the decline of the Modern Military.Blousing cords existed when I was in the Army. You could buy them in the PX. However, you were not allowed to actually USE them. The correct method back then WAS to tuck your trousers into the top of your boots. Unfortunately, it would appear that a significant percentage of today's all-volunteer Army don't possess sufficient hand-eye coordination to accomplish what we ignorant products of the inferior, involuntary servitude Army accomplished routinely, every single morning. (I was RA, to be honest, but most of my fellow solados were draftees, and somehow we all managed to blouse our trou without blosuing straps>)
When I was a jarhead, our Uniform store actually carried some Army and airforce stuff. Made life easier for those on TDY, liason duty, or local Recruiters.
Certainly not a comprehensive selection, but enough they could get by and order things that were more rarely used (like dress uniforms).
And, I'm sorry. I love you Air Force guys, but in your blue dress you look like the good humor man....
I did just get word that my BIL and his wife will probably be here sooner, maybe may.
Post by: Gewehr98 on March 13, 2008, 08:51:17 AM
(I, too, served in and retired from the volunteer military, just so Hawkmoon knows...)
Post by: Uncle Bubba on March 13, 2008, 10:57:23 AM
About those blousing bands: I entered Army service and went to Infantry School in August 1981. My training cycle was the last to receive green fatigues, everyone after us was issued cammies. When I reported to my first assignment in Germany it was a mixed bag of uniforms, some had replaced all greens with camo, some refused to wear camo, calling them "newbie suits". At the time blousing bands were de riguer for green fatigues and cammies, but some soldiers started then tucking their trousers into their boots. To me it made the cammie pants look like jodhpurs, so I used the bands.
The biggest problem I saw, and had, was with those who treated their cammies like greens - starching, pressing, the whole parade ground bit - even though it was against regulations. Our Platoon Sergeant(I was in 2nd Platoon) wore cammies exclusively and rolled the top of the patrol cap, so some of did the same with our caps. When that Platoon Sergeant left for Brigade the Platoon Sergeant of First Platoon took it upon himself (he had a stiffy for 2nd Platoon for a reason we never figured out) to "correct" our daily dress, citing regulations against doing things like above that make the camo uniform "distinctive". He even took a couple of us into the Shirt's office for impromptu "counseling" about it one day. Imagine his chagrin when I pointed out the uniform transgressions of one of his squad leaders who was standing right outside in the hall, to wit: Starched and pressed camouflage uniform, parade blousers (the wide ones) in the pantslegs, and the piece de resistance - a cigarette carton trimmed to fit inside his cap to square it off. Top was bestest buddies with the First Platoon Sergeant and wanted to back him against us, but couldn't with that E-5 standing there looking like the poster child for uniform reg violations.
Post by: Perd Hapley on March 13, 2008, 12:45:14 PM
I used the blousing bands, the velcro type. I liked them, because they made for a professional appearance and kept that way all day long.
Is that the professional appearance, where there is a gap between the pants and the boots?
I never saw the point in the blousing gizmos, never tried them. If your pants-legs are coming out, you're not tying your boots tightly enough. If your boots are coming untied, you're not knotting them tightly enough. And so on.
Post by: doc2rn on March 13, 2008, 01:04:39 PM
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 13, 2008, 01:17:07 PM
I used the blousing bands, the velcro type. I liked them, because they made for a professional appearance and kept that way all day long.
Is that the professional appearance, where there is a gap between the pants and the boots?
I never saw the point in the blousing gizmos, never tried them. If your pants-legs are coming out, you're not tying your boots tightly enough. If your boots are coming untied, you're not knotting them tightly enough. And so on.
No. Its because the leg of a normal pair of utes looks sloppy when just left dangling there. Properly fitting they are bloused a few inches from the top of your boot.
As a bonus, when you're working in dirty conditions they keep a large amount of stuff out of your pants. I'd imagine in certain climes they keep creatures out of your pants, too.
Post by: Perd Hapley on March 13, 2008, 01:38:15 PM
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 13, 2008, 01:48:16 PM
I didn't leave them dangling. I wrapped them around my ankle, and tied the boots tightly. It kept things out a whole lot better than any blousing bands might have done.
Well good for you.
Post by: cassandra and sara's daddy on March 13, 2008, 03:58:00 PM
Post by: RevDisk on March 13, 2008, 06:59:10 PM
FYI, under normal circumstances, it is considered unwise to prepare a PowerPoint presentation for your commanding officer proving that your oath of enlistment requires you to start a revolution. Ditto requesting permission to mutiny. For some reason it makes officers irrate.
Post by: 280plus on March 14, 2008, 01:09:17 AM
Quote
For some reason it makes officers irrate.
Some officers just can't take a joke.
Post by: vaskidmark on March 14, 2008, 01:26:57 AM
http://skippyslist.com/list/
There are a lot of add-on's to the list, but I'll let you go find them yourself.
stay safe.
skidmark
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 14, 2008, 02:31:22 AM
FYI, under normal circumstances, it is considered unwise to prepare a PowerPoint presentation for your commanding officer proving that your oath of enlistment requires you to start a revolution. Ditto requesting permission to mutiny. For some reason it makes officers irrate.
Nice!
I can tell you that if you saran wrap the LT's car on a hot day while he's on deployment, the CO might just come out and help.....
We had a mustang 1st lt who drove....a converitble mustang! And one day he was gone for a few weeks....someone came in with a big roll of furniture shrink wrap. The Major saw what we were doing and came out. I thought we were so hosed and snapped everyone to.....he grinned and said give me that...and commenced to help....
Post by: 280plus on March 14, 2008, 10:57:00 AM
Post by: Firethorn on March 14, 2008, 02:39:56 PM
The biggest problem I saw, and had, was with those who treated their cammies like greens - starching, pressing, the whole parade ground bit - even though it was against regulations.
Back when I was an A1C, I was once hassled by a SFS major who wanted to ream me for not having a starched uniform. I was trying to head home after serving a 12 hour mid shift.
When he (perhaps stupidly) asked me why my uniform wasn't starched I promptly responded back 'Starch is specifically prohibited in the care and usage instructions Sir'.
He kinda looked at me for a while then left. Of course, I also had specific anti 'awe of rank' training in tech school - IE just because he's a colonel or even a general doesn't mean that he can violate regulations, or order me to violate regulations.
Personally, I hate starched uniforms, I think that they're uncomfortable, often look stupid - I mean, what's up with having a 1" seam where the uniform is glued together?, and my uniforms last more than 3 times as long as the starcher's. Often four times as long - there was one guy who was having to replace a uniform every two to three months because it'd crack. He argued that it was good for him because it made him 'look sharp'. Of course, I had to point out that, just like me, he never got the more or less useless 'sharp troop' awards for his uniform, and that I was spending an order of magnitude less money and effort on my uniforms.
Oh yeah, and I do use the string style blousing straps, mostly because I don't like having my pants leg down my boot top.
Post by: Perd Hapley on March 15, 2008, 09:56:56 AM
I didn't leave them dangling. I wrapped them around my ankle, and tied the boots tightly. It kept things out a whole lot better than any blousing bands might have done.
Well good for you.
Thank you.
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 15, 2008, 01:20:48 PM
I didn't leave them dangling. I wrapped them around my ankle, and tied the boots tightly. It kept things out a whole lot better than any blousing bands might have done.
Well good for you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Post by: Uncle Bubba on March 15, 2008, 07:35:58 PM
The biggest problem I saw, and had, was with those who treated their cammies like greens - starching, pressing, the whole parade ground bit - even though it was against regulations.
Back when I was an A1C, I was once hassled by a SFS major who wanted to ream me for not having a starched uniform. I was trying to head home after serving a 12 hour mid shift.
When he (perhaps stupidly) asked me why my uniform wasn't starched I promptly responded back 'Starch is specifically prohibited in the care and usage instructions Sir'.
Well done! I hated coming across like a barracks lawyer but sometimes you gotta point out that just because "everybody" is doing something, sometimes the whole unit does it that way, that doesn't mean it's regulation.
Quote
Personally, I hate starched uniforms,...
I never could figure out the point of starching for everyday duty, myself. We were grunts, mechanized grunts at that, who we were going to be grubbing around in dirt and/or grease, so why do all that just to look pretty for a few minutes at first formation? Same went for spit-shining my boots, too. Now for inspections I'd spit-shine, but for everyday wear it was a high brush shine only. My uniforms weren't ironed, but I had a sheet of plywood between my mattress and springs and would place freshly laundered cammies between to press them.
There were guys who would whine about ruining their creases and spit-shines, who would do their best to get out of as much grubby work as they could - kissing NCO ass helped them in this - and it made more work for those of us who didn't mind getting dirty.
I was ready to work, my uniforms and boots well turned out within regulation, and I got grief over it for not looking "sharp", while people who violated regulation with abandon were looked at as strac troops. A bloody circus is what it was.
Post by: Phantom Warrior on March 16, 2008, 05:24:42 AM
Quote from: Uncle Bubba
I was ready to work, my uniforms and boots well turned out within regulation, and I got grief over it for not looking "sharp", while people who violated regulation with abandon were looked at as strac troops. A bloody circus is what it was
And that is why, even though I HATE ACUs, I wouldn't want to go back to BDUs. Weird fabric you aren't supposed to iron and no polish desert boots. Guess you can't starch and spit shine this uniform.
I concur with your comments on BDUs. I never understood why a military duty uniform was supposed to look like a dress suit. Class As, great. Make sure they are pressed and shined and spiffy. BDUs, iron them, brush the boots, and you look professional without wasting a bunch of time and money. Why go through all the extra hassle, esp if you are mechanized? (I'm not a Bradley crewmember, but I've helped work on them a few times.)
I ran across the following quote while I was studying for the board and liked it...
"I'd like to have Two Armies: One for display with lovely guns, tanks, little soldiers, staffs, distinguished and doddering Generals, and dear little Regimental officers who would be deeply concerned over their General's bowel movements or their Colonel's piles, an Army that would be shown for a modest fee on every fairground in the country.
The other would be the Real One, composed entirely of young enthusiasts in camouflage uniforms, who would not be put on display, but from whom impossible efforts would be demanded and to whom all sorts of tricks would be taught. That's the Army in which I should like to fight."
~Jean Larte Guy~
Post by: Firethorn on March 16, 2008, 11:35:07 AM
My uniforms weren't ironed, but I had a sheet of plywood between my mattress and springs and would place freshly laundered cammies between to press them.
Too much effort for me. I hang mine up fresh out of the dryer while still hot, then perform a touch up with a iron if I feel it necessary.
Quote
I was ready to work, my uniforms and boots well turned out within regulation, and I got grief over it for not looking "sharp", while people who violated regulation with abandon were looked at as strac troops. A bloody circus is what it was.
Got some grief for it myself, then I started pulling out regulations. They shut up after I threatened to turn them into safety. Starch ruins the fire-resistant properties of the BDU uniform. Bypassing PPE is a big safety nono. I also pointed out that it wasn't especially useful to hand out an award to somebody who's deliberately altered their uniform to 'look nice' at the cost of functionality, specifically specifically sowing down the pockets. Looking nice is what BLUES are for. BDUs are for practical stuff.
Oddly enough, the ACU/ABU fabrics might be different, besides the pattern, but I wouldn't count on it. Out of the store, a set of BDUs that meet specs have most of the same properties. IE no optical brighteners so they don't show up on night vision like glow sticks. Treatments to reduce flammability. Etc...
edit: messed up english
Post by: Uncle Bubba on March 16, 2008, 05:34:58 PM
Post by: Phantom Warrior on March 17, 2008, 10:47:20 AM
Words I have learned to rue since being in the Army...