Armed Polite Society
Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: Scout26 on December 13, 2008, 11:13:07 PM
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HERE are NINE WORDS WOMEN USE and what they really mean:
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ''you're welcome' (that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8 ) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F*&% YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
You've been warned...... =D
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No women I shall be interested in will be like this.
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No women I shall be interested in will be like this.
Going "off-planet" to find yours ?? =D
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No women I shall be interested in will be like this.
Oh she'll hide that side of her until after the wedding. =D
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Oh she'll hide that side of her until after the wedding
too true
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Going "off-planet" to find yours ?? =D
He's either into hookers or Stepford Wives. :laugh:
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OH GOD DON'T DO IT!
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Phrases you will use with your wife, and handy definitions so she will understand what you really mean:
I love you: Can we have sex now?
I cleaned up from dinner and the kids are in bed: Can we have sex now?
Honey, I'm home: Can we have sex now?
Wow, I can't believe our baby is three days old already!: Can we have sex now?
Oh. Morning. Time to get up: Can we have sex now?
Our anniversary is this Tuesday: CAn we wild and crazy reliving being 22 years old sex now?
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What are you people talking about? ???
Very, very happily married,
Mr. Tactical Pants
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What is it with people thinking that women are any crazier than men? Either the women where I live are saner or the guys are just as nuts.
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What is it with people thinking that women are any crazier than men? Either the women where I live are saner or the guys are just as nuts.
Ftr, I definitely rank higher on the insane scale than my husband. His only claim to nuttiness is wanting to be with me.
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I'm kidding. Mostly.
The only ONLY reason I'd not get married again is it's much cheaper to live single. Women (my woman at least) requires a bit more.
All things shall pass, and this will get fixed too. (She's better than she was)
Oh, and I'm sure there's plenty of reasons she wishes she never married me, too. But we still love each other and we still want to stay together even though we both make it tough sometimes.
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What is it with people thinking that women are any crazier than men? Either the women where I live are saner or the guys are just as nuts.
No, both are equally nutty. But a woman's insanity is usually much more complicated and subtle than a man's insanity.
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The only one for mine if the five minutes. Shes in the bathroom and out in 15 minutes. Comes back to the room and in another 15 minutes will be dressed blow dried and ready to go.
I'm the one who takes forever in the bathroom...hell shaving alone takes me upwards of 15 minutes.
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What is it with people thinking that women are any crazier than men? Either the women where I live are saner or the guys are just as nuts.
You just keep thinking that.....and we'll be waiting here for your post-marriage posts stating "You guys were so RIGHT!"..... =D
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"We need to talk." =|
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Just remember, if you ever want to see her naked again, the woman is always right.
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if a an speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
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No women I shall be interested in will be like this.
Better get on with that plan of liking the company of men, then. :D
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if you ever want to see her naked again
In 20-30 years I may have to use this as a failsafe :laugh:
Then again, the light switch is probably easier.
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I'm quite glad that I tried marriage, realized it VERY MUCH wasn't for me, and I'm done with that for good. Casual dating for the win. =D
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"Does this skirt make me look heavy?" Don't answer, "Only around the body area, there..." :laugh: or "Don't wear a "Greenpeace" cap in that skirt..."
"Notice anything different about my_____________?" DO NOT attempt to answer this. Trust me.
"Turn the t.v. off. We need to talk." A good answer is not "Why would I want to talk to you when there's a Clint Eastwood movie on?"
"I wanna fool around." Don't say "So do I, but I'm not bugging YOU about it..."
"Sir, may I take your bag?" "Yeah, but watch out, she bites."
"I need some new shoes for the party." "The blacksmith is just down the street..."
=D
Long live Al Bundy.
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secret to being happily married? do as told right now
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"I wanna fool around." Don't say "So do I, but I'm not bugging YOU about it..."
Zing! :lol:
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Have you guys ever considered that by expecting women to be nuts you subconsciously choose the crazy ones because "that's the way they are supposed to be?"
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A year or so before we got married, I picked her up for a date, and failed to notice that she had something called "high-lights" in her hair. Later in the evening, she confessed to me that this was a great disappointment to her.
Later on, with a bunch of her girlfriends around, I tried to be nice by mentioning the high-lights. WRONG. :lol:
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Have you guys ever considered that by expecting women to be nuts you subconsciously choose the crazy ones because "that's the way they are supposed to be?"
Sure have, that's why I'm dating a normal, sane woman who treats me very well. In return, I treat her extremely well - women are jealous of her being with me, men are jealous of my being with her. :D
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"Does this skirt make me look heavy?" Don't answer, "Only around the body area, there..." :laugh: or "Don't wear a "Greenpeace" cap in that skirt..."
"Notice anything different about my_____________?" DO NOT attempt to answer this. Trust me.
"Turn the t.v. off. We need to talk." A good answer is not "Why would I want to talk to you when there's a Clint Eastwood movie on?"
"I wanna fool around." Don't say "So do I, but I'm not bugging YOU about it..."
"Sir, may I take your bag?" "Yeah, but watch out, she bites."
"I need some new shoes for the party." "The blacksmith is just down the street..."
=D
Long live Al Bundy.
Her: "Does my butt look big in this?"
Him: "In this what? In this room?"
...and the fight was on...
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Have you guys ever considered that by expecting women to be nuts you subconsciously choose the crazy ones because "that's the way they are supposed to be?"
If you're dating one that isn't, you might be dating a transvestite.... ;)
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Can't tell you anything about success in marriage, but I can tell you volumes about disaster in divorces. =D
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A year or so before we got married, I picked her up for a date, and failed to notice that she had something called "high-lights" in her hair. Later in the evening, she confessed to me that this was a great disappointment to her.
Boy, amen to this! May the Lord help you if you don't notice something different about the hair. And when they complain of a bad hair day, it apparently is not a good idea to suggest that they shave their head as I do.
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Have you guys ever considered that by expecting women to be nuts you subconsciously choose the crazy ones because "that's the way they are supposed to be?"
I can say from working in a doctors office with 25 women + me (the only guy) that all women are nuts in this way. You aren't going to find one that isn't. My wife is incredibly cool and is my best friend, she is intelligent, plays video games with me, and tells me to "go for it" every time I'm pondering a new toy/gun, but she has also said every single one of the things from the OP.
You saying you are going to find a woman that doesn't do these things is equivelant to a woman saying she is going to find a man that doesn't glance at other women.
Advice to the guys? Maintain some independence. A random tight hug everyday will make your wife happier (and therefore you happier!). Don't EVER ask or beg for sex, just be a man and make it happen. When she rambles aimlessly (boringly) about her day just act like you are listening, you don't need to comment, she just wants to ramble. Don't whine, be a man.
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I can say from working in a doctors office with 25 women + me (the only guy) that all women are nuts in this way. You aren't going to find one that isn't. My wife is incredibly cool and is my best friend, she is intelligent, plays video games with me, and tells me to "go for it" every time I'm pondering a new toy/gun, but she has also said every single one of the things from the OP.
You saying you are going to find a woman that doesn't do these things is equivelant to a woman saying she is going to find a man that doesn't glance at other women.
Advice to the guys? Maintain some independence. A random tight hug everyday will make your wife happier (and therefore you happier!). Don't EVER ask or beg for sex, just be a man and make it happen. When she rambles aimlessly (boringly) about her day just act like you are listening, you don't need to comment, she just wants to ramble. Don't whine, be a man.
You had some good ideas, but this is a TERRIBLE idea (in italics). You are right that you don't need to comment, but what she wants is your attention.
You ignoring her and doing something else says that you don't think SHE is important. Never give her that impression.
Yes, as I guy I realize that what you are thinking is what she is SAYING isn't important. She will not see it that way.
Show her she is the most important thing to you. Women want to know their husband puts them first (just as men want to know their wife puts them first.)
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I feel sorry for people who get involved with crazy bitches and think all women are like that. A lot like the women who get beaten and think all men are abusive.
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You had some good ideas, but this is a TERRIBLE idea (in italics). You are right that you don't need to comment, but what she wants is your attention.
Ditto. This applies, btw, to all interactions with people. I cannot think of any situation where pretending to listen does not have the potential for creating a problem.
Don't EVER ask or beg for sex, just be a man and make it happen.
I have no clue what you mean by "just make it happen", but it sounds like this has the potential for being a really bad idea too.
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Have you guys ever considered that by expecting women to be nuts you subconsciously choose the crazy ones because "that's the way they are supposed to be?"
Huh? Thats not standard? It's an option? What the hell
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"We need to talk."
It's over. Start getting used to it.
The most useful phrase for a married man? "Yes Dear." =D
TC
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Have you guys ever considered that by expecting women to be nuts you subconsciously choose the crazy ones because "that's the way they are supposed to be?"
Because many women subconsciously suppress the crazy/neurotic behavior until marriage, or children have bound the man to them permanently. Or conversely, once they have reached their goals, they feel entitled to that behavior.
In my case at least, the old adage, "A man marries a woman hoping she won't change, but a woman marries a man hoping he will" is dead-on...
It's not intolerable, but after our kids were born, I'll be honest, Mrs. Dual became someone I'd have never married, much less dated. Granted, our situation with two sets of twin girls born eleven months apart was unusual and stressful, but she is the kind of person who is unable to hate a "situation", she has to hate someone.
No person in their right mind hates babies, especially your own, so there was only one natural choice. Me.
I was despised for having to leave the house and go to work and do my job.
I was despised for not asking her what she needed, or what was going on in the tight schedule of keeping four babies fed, napped, and bathed.
I was despised for asking what she needed, because that meant I didn't know what she needed.
I was despised for not having a college degree and making more money for us. (which would almost 100% certainly have meant I'd have probably never even met her, and our kids wouldn't exist...)
I was despised because she had a college degree (in theater/arts) and while we were both working full-time, I made more money in IT than she did at her various jobs.
When I was downsized from my job, I was despised for losing my job.
I was despised because she now had to work full-time.
I was despised when I went back to work, and she had to be at home full time again.
Things are somewhat better now. After speaking with her mother, Mrs. Dual found out that becoming angry and generally disagreeable after children around their early thirties in age, seems to be something that runs in the maternal side of her family and both her mother and her aunt were helped immensely by common pharmacology. However, some of the attitudes and double-standards remain.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the modern media culture is giving women a constant barrage of quasi-subliminal and contradictory messages, both about men, and themselves, and they can never be happy. Witness the "stupid man/dad" of commercials and sit-coms. Or that a smart, capable man almost automatically has to be an emotionally unavailable, irascible, or "flawed" somehow.
And the constant attack on masculinity that paints men as abusive, insensitive etc. yet if a man conforms to all of that, a woman is saddled with a metrosexual wet-noodle she resents, and is no longer attracted to, because he is no longer "manly" and she feels insecure in dark alleys. Then the parts of modern feminism that portray marriage and motherhood as "slavery", put women in deep conflict with some of their most basic instincts to be wives and mothers. And when a woman does try to have it all, she'll probably fail at something, either hit the glass ceiling because of the demands of motherhood, or will jeopardize her fertility, when she finally decides it's time to get pregnant, or worse marrried, and finds either is not working out for her very well...
There's also the onslaught of the fictional characters in movies and TV, romance novels, romantic comedies etc. where men who magically manage to somehow be both perfectly feminine emotional/sensitive AND "manly" at the exact same time, or changing instantly exactly when needed, do exist. And the woman protagonists neuroses are inevitably just "cute"...
Honestly, women on gunboards seem to be the exception to all this. Unfortunately there's not nearly enough of them to go around, and we must make do.
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my wife likes to hear "right away"
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Holy Crap, AJ: if that's an objective assessment, it brings to mind an old Marine aviator adage during desperate straits: "Sucks to be you." Sorry, Man.
TC
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I have no clue what you mean by "just make it happen", but it sounds like this has the potential for being a really bad idea too.
hah, now that I read it again, it doesn't sound good. I meant don't compromise yourself. Instead of asking walk up behind her and kiss her neck. Tease her, etc.... Flirt like you are dating. Make it to where SHE is the one coming after YOU. I didn't mean force her! (unless she is into that) Most men KNOW how to get their wife in the mood, but many would rather whine until their wife begrudgingly gives in, instead of taking their time making the moment good for both of them.
You ignoring her and doing something else says that you don't think SHE is important. Never give her that impression.
I didn't mean ignore per se. I meant act like you are listening without commenting. Sometimes when I come home the last thing I want to hear about is how some girl that I don't know at her work is cheating on her boyfriend, who is in a band, who blahblahblah. It's just not interesting to me, but I still feign that I'm interested in what she is saying. Get what I mean? She doesn't actually care what my opinions on things like that are anyway, she just wants someone to listen to her so that's what I do.
damn AJ, quite a post. One word for your wife. Zoloft... or paxil... or wellbutrin.. or lexapro. Or how about a cocktail of all of them?
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AJ: sounds like some kind of post-partum depression coupled with flawed expectations. Have you tried counseling, but her and as a couple?
I didn't mean ignore per se. I meant act like you are listening without commenting. Sometimes when I come home the last thing I want to hear about is how some girl that I don't know at her work is cheating on her boyfriend, who is in a band, who blahblahblah. It's just not interesting to me, but I still feign that I'm interested in what she is saying. Get what I mean? She doesn't actually care what my opinions on things like that are anyway, she just wants someone to listen to her so that's what I do.
A good solution to this is not marrying a boring woman.
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hah, now that I read it again, it doesn't sound good. I meant don't compromise yourself. Instead of asking walk up behind her and kiss her neck. Tease her, etc.... Flirt like you are dating. Make it to where SHE is the one coming after YOU. I didn't mean force her! (unless she is into that) Most men KNOW how to get their wife in the mood, but many would rather whine until their wife begrudgingly gives in, instead of taking their time making the moment good for both of them.
Actually, that's more or less exactly what I guessed you meant. I agree that begging for it is demeaning for both parties, but there are many situations, usually cropping up around and following pregnancy and childbirth, when sex is just not a good plan. Being flirty and fun and taking the time to "make it happen" can be great. It can also be a spectacularly bad idea. My husband and I have worked out a system--he asks, straight up. I respond with a yes, a no, or a maybe. We go from there. Possibly TMI, but seriously, all the romance in the world is not gonna make sex a great idea in many situations. Men more rarely have physical problems that make sex painful or otherwise inadvisable. Women have them all the freaking time. It's usually not that women don't want to go at it like bunnies, it's just that it gets a whole less fun at certain points.
I didn't mean ignore per se. I meant act like you are listening without commenting. Sometimes when I come home the last thing I want to hear about is how some girl that I don't know at her work is cheating on her boyfriend, who is in a band, who blahblahblah. It's just not interesting to me, but I still feign that I'm interested in what she is saying. Get what I mean? She doesn't actually care what my opinions on things like that are anyway, she just wants someone to listen to her so that's what I do.
I see. Hm. Generally, if my spouse is bored to tears by my conversation, I change the subject.
[/quote]damn AJ, quite a post. One word for your wife. Zoloft... or paxil... or wellbutrin.. or lexapro. Or how about a cocktail of all of them?
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Well, with four kids under one, meds are of seriously limited utility. That sounds like one of those times when it seriously sucks not having money. Amazing how much better money can make those kinds of situations. Not that I would know from personal experience. Serious kudos for getting through it, AJ_Dual.
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Holy Crap, AJ: if that's an objective assessment, it brings to mind an old Marine aviator adage during desperate straits: "Sucks to be you." Sorry, Man.
TC
It could be worse, and as I said, things are improving. She's taken a big step, in her own grudging quasi-denial way to acknowledge her attitudes were neither normal, or conducive to marital bliss.
The kids are also getting older, so the stress on us is less, two more years and all four will be in all-day school/kindergarten.
Although, the thing that I learned to dread most was her coming back from one of her groups or "mom's night outs" with the realization I do more in our household in terms of sharing the workload than most any other husband of a woman she knows. And the rare guys who do\id, don't have as many children, spaced so closely as we do. She couldn't see it, but I knew that inevitably led to a knock-down drag-out fight (for us, anyway, we, or at least I, are very non-Jerry Springer) within 48 hours over something minor, where her overreaction would finally goad me into not taking it anymore.
My only guess is that part of her knew how she treated me, and she couldn't take the guilt, so something had to "happen" to put me squarely back into bastard territory.
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damn AJ, quite a post. One word for your wife. Zoloft... or paxil... or wellbutrin.. or lexapro. Or how about a cocktail of all of them?
That was the "grudging acknowledgment" of her issues. And the effect has been noticeable for both of us. And I know it's not supposed to work that way, but the very first two three days she took it we both noticed the difference. I can also tell if she's forgotten to take it that day.
And it's true being wealthy does make having multiples easier. I can't remember if it was the first or second time around, but our OBGYN had just delivered her set of twins not too long before, and had just returned to the practice, and was telling us about her nanny... ;/
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Being flirty and fun and taking the time to "make it happen" can be great. It can also be a spectacularly bad idea. My husband and I have worked out a system--he asks, straight up. I respond with a yes, a no, or a maybe. We go from there. Possibly TMI, but seriously, all the romance in the world is not gonna make sex a great idea in many situations.
Yeah, there are obviously times when it's a no-go, obviously both parties have times when they just plain don't want to or can't for physical reasons. I hate the idea of asking, my wife hates it even more. I don't ever want sex to become her "doing a favor for me", I want it to be a positive thing for both of us. I would feel like such a chump asking, it just feels degrading/immasculating. (sp?)
A good solution to this is not marrying a boring woman.
Never met a girl (or person for that matter) that didn't occasionaly bore me. I'm sure I bore my wife on occasion too. Furthermore there are times when I don't want to talk to ANYONE, I just want to be left alone for a while! Maybe that is my issue....
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Never met a girl (or person for that matter) that didn't occasionaly bore me. I'm sure I bore my wife on occasion too. Furthermore there are times when I don't want to talk to ANYONE, I just want to be left alone for a while! Maybe that is my issue....
Mrs. Dual thinks anything that I'd like to discuss, technology, politics, current events, etc., if I don't summarize my point in a two sentence Cliff's Notes version, that I'm "rambling" and it is my biggest character flaw. And because I bore her, she's convinced I constantly threaten to bore most everyone else too.
She unabashedly likes Harlequin romance novels, Hallmark and Lifetime "made for TV" movies, and romantic comedies, (and even some of the "tween" fare like "High School Musical",) to the exclusion of all else. With her BFA in theater, you'd think her tastes would be a bit broader than that, but she only really likes certain light comedy plays and popular musicals. She is immediately hostile to anything avant-garde or "edgy" in terms of arts, theater, or movies.
Oh well...
One funny incident that raised a flag when we were dating was when she met my mother for the first time, and she mentioned something funny she red in the New Yorker. The then-future Mrs. Dual countered with her love of People magazine. :lol: She's never liked my mother much... =D
Despite all that, I'm pretty sure our marriage is bigger than our differences, and so are our children. I have no intentions of going anywhere. Ones children are often the biggest thing any couple has in common, and our situation with two sets of twin girls less than a year apart is certainly unique. And no one really understands, but other parents of multiples. Even then, we've had parents of quads, or those with five or more children, but spaced apart, tell us they feel what we're doing is harder.
And the constant barrage of stares, pointing, and all the repetitive comments about our children when out in public certainly reinforces the "us against the world" feeling.
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Wow AJ not to insult your wife but if I was dating someone like that I think you'd see me running for the hills with a blood stump where the arm I chewed off used to be. You're definitely made of strong stuff to have stuck with it so long.
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BW nailed it: a nice SSRI will be Mrs. Dual's friend.
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You're definitely made of strong stuff to have stuck with it so long.
"'til death do us part" does not come with qualifications and escape clauses.
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"'til death do us part" does not come with qualifications and escape clauses.
"til death do us part" IS an escape clause....
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Boy, amen to this! May the Lord help you if you don't notice something different about the hair. And when they complain of a bad hair day, it apparently is not a good idea to suggest that they shave their head as I do.
Have you considered finding a girlfriend with a sense of humor? :)
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til death do us part" IS an escape clause....
and it doesn't specify who has to die
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Have you considered finding a girlfriend with a sense of humor?
Many times, but for some reason, my wife is not getting behind that plan. Hmmm.
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Many times, but for some reason, my wife is not getting behind that plan. Hmmm.
Maybe you just need to offer to share.
Or would that be running into the sense of humor problem again?
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Geez - didn't any of you guys watch "Tao of Steve"? =D
"Both men and women want to have sex. It's natural, except we're on different timetables. Women want to have sex, like, y'know, fifteen minutes after us, so alright, if you hold out for twenty she'll be chasing you for five. "
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Maybe you just need to offer to share.
Or would that be running into the sense of humor problem again?
Who knew that uttering the phrase 'smokin hot threesome' would cause such conniptions?