Post by: Preacherman on December 28, 2005, 02:47:18 PM
So, yours truly walks into Lowe's and asks for directions to the "toilet aisle". Directions are duly given.
On arrival, I walk up and down the row, looking at this vast display of porcelain works of art. Some of them look like they were designed by chimpanzees on crack with delusions of grandeur, not to mention Great-Pyramid-of-Giza envy. Colors, contours, you name it...
The sales assistant arrives; a very pretty young thing (sex indeterminate), obviously hired for the holiday rush. "May I help you?"
"Yes, I need to buy a toilet to replace a cracked unit."
"Oh, we have such a marvellous selection for you here!"
"It's a toilet, not a work of art. I want function, not beauty!"
"But today your toilet says so much about you! What do you want your toilet to say to your friends?"
"If it says anything to them, they'll probably shoot the damn thing. I repeat - I want function, not beauty!"
"But that's so old-fashioned! Let me show you the new Kohler designer range... err, Sir?"
(This caused by my turning my back on the new Kohler designer range and walking down the aisle towards a heap of boxes marked "Toilet-to-go".)
"These boxes look to be on special, right?"
"Yes, only $79.99 for the whole thing, bowl, cistern, seat and all - but you don't want a nasty cheap thing like that. Here we have a nice avocado unit with..."
"Yes, and at six times the price. As you can see, I'm disabled. Would you please get me a flat cart to load one of these?"
"But they're so yesterday!"
"Yes, and so was my last bowel movement, which is why I want one of these today!"
That sort of ended the conversation right there...
Post by: 280plus on December 28, 2005, 02:55:58 PM
Quote
But today your toilet says so much about you! What do you want your toilet to say to your friends?"
"If it says anything to them, they'll probably shoot the damn thing.
Not too far from the truth there..."If it says anything to them, they'll probably shoot the damn thing.
LMAO...
But then there's the thing Al Bundy wants to hear from his toilet, "Step up to the bowl and MAKE IT A DOUBLE!!"
Post by: Guest on December 28, 2005, 03:40:04 PM
Yeah I used to be in retail, I will give the salesperson in original post high marks for the abilty to sell.
*ahem*
You didn't get a Bidet -huh?
Oh how us APS folks were so looking forward to hearing you bought one.
One can clean their muddy boots, give cats surprises, break a dog from drinking out of toliets, all sorts of cool stuff.
I bet you had no choice but the new water saving 6.0 Lpf / 1.6 gpf . Which means - think of all the water you save when you have to flush twice.
I'm sorry you are having to go thru all this. At least you have not lost your sense of humor.
I assisted mom getting a new Fridge. She has this itty bitty space with cabinets above. Only a certain size will fit.
I get a salesperson, I can spot one a mile away. I explained the measurement requirments, even had them written down. Home Depot is where she wanted to go first...
"How about this one? Really nice side by side, ice and water in the door" He goes on a salespitch.
Excuse me - where are the chain saws?" I ask.
"Sir, I thought you were here to assist your mom on getting a Fridge"
"I am. Mom- your call. We get this one the salesperson keeps pushing, the one that will not fit, the one I have taken a tape measure to show how "too big" it is...
1) Chain saw to take off what won't fit.
2) Didn't need access to garage via Kitchen anyway...anymore
3) Go to Sears and get the same one as you have now - I found on the Internet - just newer.
You know, I still haven't forgotten how to embarass my mom in a store. Just now I get to grab her hand and lead her out.
Gets better - we go to Sears and get what she had - just newer, and improved.
My turn to play haggle the salesperson. Ask Larry...
"Honey, just how did you get , $50 off the price, free delivery and set up and two years free extended warranty ?"
"Don't worry about it - just did and all you need to know"
if you can't...
*grin*
Post by: Larry Ashcraft on December 28, 2005, 04:34:20 PM
Quote from: sm
My turn to play haggle the salesperson. Ask Larry...
You betcha, seen him in action. 
Post by: Guest on December 28, 2005, 04:55:54 PM
Post by: Art Eatman on December 28, 2005, 05:02:33 PM
How well I remember: "His face was flushed, but his broad shoulders saved him."
, Art
Post by: Declaration Day on December 28, 2005, 05:20:34 PM
Post by: Preacherman on December 28, 2005, 05:48:42 PM
Well, it gets installed tomorrow afternoon, and I've got the A/C people here on Friday doing the furnace bit. Turns out that the fan motor burned out, but when inspecting the unit, they found the heat exchanger corroded to hell and gone, and a few other things wrong. Also turns out that while the outdoor A/C compressor is a 1999 unit (which is when the whole thing was installed), the attic fan, heat thingy, etc. are all dated 1987. Seems that the contractor who sold the equipment to the previous owners of the house charged them for a 1999 unit (complete), but slipped in an old one instead. Now, of course, that contractor's out of business, and there's no way of recovering the costs involved...
Still, I mustn't complain. At least I have room on the credit card to pay for all this, and that means I can stay warm while I sit in comfort on the throne!
Post by: Sindawe on December 28, 2005, 07:10:07 PM
I hate having to deal with the freaking plumbing after all the fun of living in a garden level apartment from '89 - '92. I thought I'd escaped it when I bought my place in '95 (new construction), but low and behold come '99 the water tank on the WC in the powderroom broke. I awoke to the sound of splashing water...
Post by: 280plus on December 29, 2005, 02:14:06 AM
Quote
Also turns out that while the outdoor A/C compressor is a 1999 unit (which is when the whole thing was installed), the attic fan, heat thingy, etc. are all dated 1987. Seems that the contractor who sold the equipment to the previous owners of the house charged them for a 1999 unit (complete), but slipped in an old one instead.
Not that unusual either. Around here we have a guy who is still in business that is known to have taken away an old unit, painted it and sold it back to the same customer. Little old lady customer to boot. If you go to the town hall, there should be a record of who did the job. Somebody should have had to sign for a permit. That stuff just pisses me right off because it makes the rest of us look bad.This reminds me. Has anyone taken a look at what the Japanese are doing with toilets? UFB! Seen a spot on them. Buttons, electronics, raises and lowers the seat without command. Geez...
As long as you don't mind spending $1500 -$2000 on your toidy.
Post by: El Tejon on December 29, 2005, 02:39:08 AM
Democrats are so fussy about privacy, then why are they designing our toilets? Democrats out of my bathroom!:D
Preacherman, hopefully one would want his toilet to say nothing!:D Or, maybe, "I'm cleaned and sanitized for your protection.":D
Post by: Waitone on December 29, 2005, 03:25:18 AM
Post by: TarpleyG on December 29, 2005, 04:12:54 AM
Quote
I bet you had no choice but the new water saving 6.0 Lpf / 1.6 gpf . Which means - think of all the water you save when you have to flush twice.
We recently remodeled both our bathrooms and my wife wanted to know why we weren't buying new toilets. I'll just say that ours were made in 1972 and there is nothing wrong with them. I have NEVER had one clogged going on 3 years now and believe me, that is saying something.Greg
Post by: Declaration Day on December 29, 2005, 04:37:08 AM
Quote from: El Tejon
Big market in illegal Canadian toilets up here.
I live in Michigan, close to the Canadian border, and it is common for people to cross the border to buy a toilet.There is a toilet store in Windsor, right near the tunnel, called "Howdy Neighbor".
Post by: bermbuster on December 29, 2005, 05:30:20 AM
Quote from: sm
.....
"Honey, just how did you get , $50 off the price, free delivery and set up and two years free extended warranty ?" .....
ummm....it's possible to get that? How?
"Honey, just how did you get , $50 off the price, free delivery and set up and two years free extended warranty ?" .....
Post by: Guest on December 29, 2005, 07:49:51 AM
My toilet makes a loud flushing sound about every 30-60 minutes, waking me up at night and causing me to lunge groggily for my old Glock 17 with dead-battery laser and dead-weight flashlight attachment. Other times, when I flush it, there is no water in the dealy. I have to wait and flush it again.
What is the cutoff price between function and fashion these days?
Post by: grampster on December 29, 2005, 08:30:42 AM
I guess I can com mode r your house for a visit now?
Post by: K Frame on December 29, 2005, 08:49:24 AM
Go to Home Depot and look for a Fluidmaster Fill Valve and Flapper Kit.
Follow the instructions and replace the malfunctioning parts in your toilet.
These kits will fit about 99.95% of all toilets with the cistern-style back tank, even really old ones.
Post by: Guest on December 29, 2005, 08:58:45 AM
Quote from: Mike Irwin
"My toilet makes a loud flushing sound about every 30-60 minutes, waking me up at night..."
Go to Home Depot and look for a Fluidmaster Fill Valve and Flapper Kit.
Follow the instructions and replace the malfunctioning parts in your toilet.
These kits will fit about 99.95% of all toilets with the cistern-style back tank, even really old ones.
Thanks, Mike, I'll look into it...so to speak. Go to Home Depot and look for a Fluidmaster Fill Valve and Flapper Kit.
Follow the instructions and replace the malfunctioning parts in your toilet.
These kits will fit about 99.95% of all toilets with the cistern-style back tank, even really old ones.
Post by: charby on December 29, 2005, 09:37:32 AM
Post by: Paddy on December 29, 2005, 10:53:36 AM
Post by: 280plus on December 29, 2005, 11:38:37 AM
Post by: USP45usp on December 29, 2005, 11:59:31 AM
.Yes, they are the old ones that really had a tank and not the "energy savers" of today.
Most to all of my company that I've had has said the same thing, "Dang, it took only one flush".
The new "water savers" on the market today suck. I had to flush about 6 times for everything to do down over at a new house that my cousin had just bought. And it was a small load, not a normal sized! (too graphic here?).
As for art, it's a damn crapper! The only thing that you use it for is to deposit human waste, who cares what your bowl "says", you take a dump, you flush (more than once on the "new and improved" units) and you move on.
Geesh.
Wayne
Post by: Preacherman on December 29, 2005, 02:47:46 PM
My cats are going to be disappointed when the furnace comes on again. I bought a few fan heaters to place in various rooms while the furnace was out. It didn't take my cats long to discover that sitting (or preferably lying) in front of a fan heater was a delightful sensation, and they've engaged in it ever since the heaters arrived. They had to learn that if they sat too close to the heater, the built-in thermostat shut it off after a few minutes, whereas if they lay a bit further away, the thermostat would let the heater run longer. It's been fun watching them figure it out, and I'm amazed at how quickly they've caught on. Still, if they can figure out gun parts, I daresay that heaters aren't much of a challenge...
Post by: 280plus on December 29, 2005, 04:46:22 PM
Post by: Guest on December 29, 2005, 05:52:47 PM
Preacherman has a major shopping need, he needs the APS Folks to show up.
Folks trying out matresses, sitting in recliners making them go and down, rocking them...
Turning on and off every lamp in the lamp store...
Trying out every display of doors, screen doors, doorbells...
Tools...oh we most likely run every battery pack down...
Appliances...I think Larry will fit in large capacity dryer...
.
.
.
.
etc.
Way I figure it - Preacherman will not only get free delivery and set up, Sales folks pay HIM to take whatever he came in to buy if he just get his "friends" out the damn store.
Need a place with a escalator, alway wondered if them things would carry a set of box springs upstairs with people on 'em. Course the fun part is going to see if coming back down one can get enough momentum to slide over to the Electronics Dept.
"Coming Thru...!!"
Post by: Guest on December 30, 2005, 07:29:53 AM
Quote from: 280plus
I say we all pile over to Preacher's to give it a test drive...
B.Y.O.B. - Bring your own bran!
Post by: mtnbkr on December 30, 2005, 07:46:05 AM
I drive my wife insane when we hit the toy isle at Wallyworld. If they didn't want you to play with all of the Chicken Dance Elmos, why did they put batteries in all of them.
Chris
Post by: grampster on December 30, 2005, 08:03:08 AM
I'm getting a visual similar to the cell phone ad for verizon: "Do you have a Network?" Have you seen that one? The good Padre walking around with this huge crowd tailing behind him....heh heh...especially since most of us are armed. heh heh.
Post by: Guest on December 30, 2005, 01:33:30 PM
1) "Crazy Americans!"
2) "COOL! When we going to check out a Photography Place?"
Some may remember the child of some friends whom shared with Sunday School teacher she needed to get some WD40. When asked why by Sunday School Teacher " Mommie and Daddy's bed squeaks at night".
Another couple shares the Joys of taking their kids furniture shopping. Forget the dressers and lamp tables - the kids were "just right here" one second ago...
"Yeah, these beds are neat!"
"These don't squeak like the our parents...".
Salesperson (trying to hide grin) says "So are you kids shopping for parents or are they in the store today?"
Parents - " Honey if we run out the side door real fast, noone will ever know...."
"MoooOOm , DaaAAD- we are over Here"
"That is our parents over there...".
"Busted"
Post by: Preacherman on December 30, 2005, 04:41:10 PM
sm, remind me never, ever to go shopping with you...
Post by: P95Carry on December 30, 2005, 05:08:49 PM
`
`
Quote
"But they're so yesterday!"
"Yes, and so was my last bowel movement, which is why I want one of these today!"
`"Yes, and so was my last bowel movement, which is why I want one of these today!"
:D
Post by: Guest on December 30, 2005, 06:28:47 PM
You are one to talk! *smirk*
Oh I have heard thru the grapevine how you are when shopping.
Remember I was the one being ignored at the Restuarant with you.
Folsk - This guy has all the gals drooling over him - "don't I know you" they say...sheesh.
Don't let Preacherman fool you folks, I mean "Who" is the one around here with the reputation for Puns?
I rest my case.
Still sorry you had to go thru all this hassle and expense.
Sending my best my friend,
Steve