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Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: roo_ster on June 07, 2010, 01:27:59 PM

Title: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: roo_ster on June 07, 2010, 01:27:59 PM
 :O

(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.metro.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2010%2F06%2F07%2Farticle-1275909498369-09EDD2C7000005DC-534877_304x156.jpg&hash=bcf8bfc0da554eb22e22333c70798ab82062a748)
"Prison smuggling: authorities are determined to get to the bottom of it"



http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/829679-police-astonished-by-rectal-capacity-of-prison-smuggler

Authorities in Wenatchee, Washington, were surprised to find that the man had managed to sneak a cigarette lighter, cigarette papers, a bag of tobacco the size of a golf-ball, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a small baggie of what was thought to be marijuana, and an inch-long smoking pipe into jail by hiding them up himself.

The man was booked into the jail last Wednesday on a disorderly conduct charge, said Chelan County Regional Justice Center administrator Phil Stanley, and nothing was discovered when he was initially strip searched.

But when a prison official later discovered a plastic bag and duct tape in the toilet, the prisoner was questioned again and eventually handed over the contraband.

Wenatchee Police Department spokesman Sergeant John Kruse told the Wenatchee World newspaper: 'We were all wondering, "How do you put all that up there?" The tobacco was pretty impressive; it was a good ounce.'
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: grislyatoms on June 07, 2010, 01:29:42 PM
"Prison smuggling: authorities are determined to get to the bottom of it">:D

Man he had contraband out the wazoo...

 =D
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: 230RN on June 07, 2010, 01:30:22 PM
Time for my ten-foot pole with which I would not touch this thread.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: AJ Dual on June 07, 2010, 01:31:52 PM
(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi156.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft33%2FAJ_Dual%2Fpulp_fiction_koons1.jpg&hash=c8128bfa0d4736f8950e6bf220ed6580a3ba5e38)
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Fly320s on June 07, 2010, 02:01:57 PM
(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi156.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft33%2FAJ_Dual%2Fpulp_fiction_koons1.jpg&hash=c8128bfa0d4736f8950e6bf220ed6580a3ba5e38)
Winner!

Keep the watch.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: MicroBalrog on June 07, 2010, 03:55:40 PM
So wait.

Cigarette papers that came out of someone's rear end... and these people would put that in their mouths?
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Mabs2 on June 07, 2010, 04:00:59 PM
So wait.

Cigarette papers that came out of someone's rear end... and these people would put that in their mouths?

Every time my aunt goes to jail she hides pills up herself.  I imagine from the stories that I've heard that she has plenty of room.
I'm not sure how she'd handle the heroin stuff now that she's moved on to harder drugs.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: MicroBalrog on June 07, 2010, 04:08:17 PM
And needles. I realize they were in some kind of wrapping, but had something gone wrong, he'd have died in horrible suffering.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Mabs2 on June 07, 2010, 04:14:09 PM
And needles. I realize they were in some kind of wrapping, but had something gone wrong, he'd have died in horrible suffering.
Yea, I cringed at that.
Heck, maybe he was using a fancy hard carrying case.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Viking on June 07, 2010, 04:21:32 PM
Yea, I cringed at that.
Heck, maybe he was using a fancy hard carrying case.
I remember reading Papillon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papillon_%28autobiography%29) when I was young. The prisoners in the book had little aluminium tubes shoved up their butts to bring money with them to the prison islands...(supposed true story according to the author, others have serious doubts about it).
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Sergeant Bob on June 07, 2010, 07:53:31 PM
I remember reading Papillon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papillon_%28autobiography%29) when I was young. The prisoners in the book had little aluminium tubes shoved up their butts to bring money with them to the prison islands...(supposed true story according to the author, others have serious doubts about it).

I rectum it's do-able however, I don't think aluminiumium had yet been invented in Papillion's time.  :P =D
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: S. Williamson on June 07, 2010, 08:32:17 PM
Hey Azrael256...

"ECHO! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo..."  :laugh:
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: vaskidmark on June 07, 2010, 09:18:18 PM
:O

(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.metro.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2010%2F06%2F07%2Farticle-1275909498369-09EDD2C7000005DC-534877_304x156.jpg&hash=bcf8bfc0da554eb22e22333c70798ab82062a748)
"Prison smuggling: authorities are determined to get to the bottom of it"

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/829679-police-astonished-by-rectal-capacity-of-prison-smuggler

a cigarette lighter, cigarette papers, a bag of tobacco the size of a golf-ball, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a small baggie of what was thought to be marijuana, and an inch-long smoking pipe into jail

Is that all he had?  Seriously, I have observed folks who had a whole lot more and passed the "squat & cough" test,[

'We were all wondering, "How do you put all that up there?"

Hint:  do not use vaseline.  And apparently as long as you are not bouncing up and down on a hard surface you are not likely to perforate your intestine/rectum.

What this inquiring mind wants to know is how long it took him to train out the involuntary muscle responses to such stimuli?

stay safe.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Azrael256 on June 07, 2010, 10:21:45 PM
Quote
Hey Azrael256...

"ECHO! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo..." 

As this is a family forum, I won't expound on just how I know this, but inmates have smuggled some surprisingly large objects... Er... "Up there.". A golf ball is considered a "small" object.

Btw, the "official" CO-speak is "keistering," at least around here.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Boomhauer on June 07, 2010, 10:25:02 PM
Quote
What this inquiring mind wants to know is how long it took him to train out the involuntary muscle responses to such stimuli?

I imagine that if he's been to prison before he's had "assistance" with that issue.

Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Jamisjockey on June 07, 2010, 10:27:39 PM
I don't expect this thread to end well.  It stinks like....like....POOPY!
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: roo_ster on June 07, 2010, 10:48:34 PM
Brings a whole new understanding to Prince Albert in a can.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: White Horseradish on June 07, 2010, 11:10:22 PM
So wait.

Cigarette papers that came out of someone's rear end... and these people would put that in their mouths?

Quote from: Cheech and Chong
-What's in this sh.., man?
-Mostly maui-wovee, man, but it's got some Labrador in it...
-What's Labrador?
-It's dogsh.....
-Wha?
-Yea, my dog ate my stash, man... Left it on the table, the little m....f...r ate it, man...
-Yeah?
-So I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days before I got it back... Really blew the dog's mind...
-You mean we're smokin' dogsh.., man?
-I think  it's even better than before.
-Wonder what Great Dane taste like, man... Wow, man... That's some heavy sh.., man
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: roo_ster on June 08, 2010, 01:09:02 AM
So wait.

Cigarette papers that came out of someone's rear end... and these people would put that in their mouths?


I am savoring this moment.  Something so wacked even MB is put off.   =D
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: White Horseradish on June 08, 2010, 11:55:16 AM
I am savoring this moment.  Something so wacked even MB is put off.   =D
That's some heavy s4, man... :)
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: AJ Dual on June 08, 2010, 01:30:42 PM
I guess coffee isn't banned in many prisons, otherwise the Kopi Luwak market would be much bigger.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: RaspberrySurprise on June 08, 2010, 02:53:26 PM
I remember reading Papillon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papillon_%28autobiography%29) when I was young. The prisoners in the book had little aluminium tubes shoved up their butts to bring money with them to the prison islands...(supposed true story according to the author, others have serious doubts about it).

It was quite the interesting book indeed.

I rectum it's do-able however, I don't think aluminiumium had yet been invented in Papillion's time.  :P =D

I'm pretty sure it was around in the thirties to forties during which the book takes place.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Boomhauer on June 08, 2010, 08:03:14 PM
What units are used for measuring rectal capacity?
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 08, 2010, 08:47:15 PM
This thread is heading to a dark, dark place.

But anyway, when DID they invent aluminum? 
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: roo_ster on June 08, 2010, 10:28:49 PM
What units are used for measuring rectal capacity?

Fluid Owwwwwww!nces
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Jocassee on June 08, 2010, 10:43:21 PM
This thread is heading to a dark, dark place.

As I understand it, this thread is about a dark, dark place.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Nitrogen on June 08, 2010, 11:53:39 PM
Do you know how many times I saw this thread title, and read it as "rental capacity"??
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: MicroBalrog on June 09, 2010, 06:57:54 AM
This thread is heading to a dark, dark place.

But anyway, when DID they invent aluminum? 

Pure aluminum was first produced in 1825.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Firethorn on June 09, 2010, 09:29:06 AM
Pure aluminum was first produced in 1825.

Research says the first impure aluminum was first produced in 1825.

At first it was more valuable than gold.  I seem to remember some founding father having a set of flatware made out of it - it was considered 'more posh' than gold, but the timeline wouldn't really support that.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Viking on June 09, 2010, 12:43:57 PM
Research says the first impure aluminum was first produced in 1825.

At first it was more valuable than gold.  I seem to remember some founding father having a set of flatware made out of it - it was considered 'more posh' than gold, but the timeline wouldn't really support that.

Napoleon III supposedly had some reserved for special guests.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 09, 2010, 12:48:26 PM
I have heard that the Wash. monument is capped with aluminum, due to its rarity at the time.  I've never bothered to look into it.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Firethorn on June 09, 2010, 02:39:20 PM
I have heard that the Wash. monument is capped with aluminum, due to its rarity at the time.  I've never bothered to look into it.

That is indeed the case.  I found it while researching.  At the time an ounce of it was worth more than a day of a worker's time.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Marnoot on June 09, 2010, 03:12:29 PM
That is indeed the case.  I found it while researching.  At the time an ounce of it was worth more than a day of a worker's time.

Indeed, it's been told that at the time aluminum had about the same value as silver.
Title: Re: Police astonished by rectal capacity of prison smuggler
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 09, 2010, 06:25:44 PM
As I understand it, this thread is about a dark, dark place.

So someone got the joke, after all.