Post by: TMM on March 31, 2006, 01:28:30 PM
Now, this girl is a senior, so I keep telling myself : if you really screw up, she's a senior, you won't even see her next year. basically, I can't lose. Nevertheless...
I also keep worrying about trivial things, like, "what's her personality like, what if she dosn't like "XYZ"?"...
So - any stories or insights looking at it from a different angle? what should I say? I was thinking about somthing along the lines of, "Hey, [introduce myself quickly] how'd you like to go out for a cup of coffee?"
Thanks for any help you have for a person inept of asking someone out like me...
~TMM
Post by: Perd Hapley on March 31, 2006, 01:42:26 PM
Post by: TMM on March 31, 2006, 02:28:21 PM
uh... what? she dosn't know me...
oh, and blackburn, yea, i'm not doing that...
~tmm
Post by: Declaration Day on March 31, 2006, 02:45:33 PM
Do you have any classes with her? Have you ever met her? You need to break the ice, and it will be easier if you are already in a situation where starting a conversation won't seem awkward or planned.
It wouldn't hurt to find out what interests her from somebody else. Hey, you never know, maybe you already have something in common. If so, it will make that first conversation much easier (and better).
The best advice I can give you- and I dated ALL kinds of women before I found my wife- is that if she thinks of herself as a commodity (I call this the "princess complex"), stay away. You and your time are as valuable as her and her time. Find a nice, down-to-earth girl who appreciates and values you as much as you value her.
Good luck, let us know how it works out.
Post by: Standing Wolf on March 31, 2006, 04:05:55 PM
When I was in high school, admittedly several thousand years ago, the public library was where everybody met in the evenings.
Post by: Winston Smith on March 31, 2006, 04:10:38 PM
Keep it simple, keep it honest. The worst she can do is reject you. The worst you can do is learn.
Post by: 280plus on March 31, 2006, 04:14:01 PM
Post by: Chris on March 31, 2006, 04:51:38 PM
Post by: Guest on March 31, 2006, 05:20:48 PM
She's just a chick, don't take life so seriously, you'll never get out of it alive!
Post by: Fjolnirsson on March 31, 2006, 05:24:15 PM
Above all, ASK! If you ask, and she says no, you'll have risked nothing, and perhaps will have an embarassing moment or two. If you don't ask, you will have a lifetime to wonder what might have been.
Post by: Guest on March 31, 2006, 05:25:57 PM
Post by: Felonious Monk/Fignozzle on March 31, 2006, 05:27:14 PM
STOP looking at women like they are some amazing, superior, yummylicious, master race from Planet Amazon.
Pretend for just a moment that she has NOTHING between her legs or on her chest that you'd like to get lost in for a couple of decades or so.
You are a human. She is a human. You are both working hard to complete your education. Have you EVER just said "hey." to her on the way into class? Low key. Don't shoot for the "I'm going to ask you out because you KNOW that eventually I want to slather you in barbecue sauce and work you like a rack of ribs". Start with this:
hey. how's it going...?
Work your way up to "did you happen to get that bizarre question #15 on the homework assignment?"
Follow up in a week or so with "you ready for the test in underwater basketweaving this Friday? No? Me either. Wanna grab a burger and study for it some?"
Then, if that goes well, you can follow up with "I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand", or "have you ever played naked leap frog", or any of the other things you're REALLY thinking.
Post by: JAlexander on March 31, 2006, 05:53:16 PM
James
Post by: Winston Smith on March 31, 2006, 05:56:55 PM
Quote
Really, one of the most horrible experiences of your life is quite possibly going to come soon after you meet a girl that says "yes", so dont be too dissapointed if you get to put that off a little.
Hhahhahahhhahha.... yeaaaah
Post by: Antibubba on March 31, 2006, 06:01:50 PM
See, there's this woman at work...
Post by: Justin on March 31, 2006, 06:08:37 PM
Girls like a guy who is self-confident and having a good time. (Gads, I've learned this from personal experience.)
If you have a hard time being confident, think about something you're really good at beforehand.
Last of all, take it all with a grain of salt. No big deal either way.
Post by: esheato on March 31, 2006, 07:02:26 PM
Just be yourself.
Ed
Post by: Perd Hapley on March 31, 2006, 07:22:48 PM
Quote from: TMM
"Go ahead and tell her you know me"
uh... what? she dosn't know me...
oh, and blackburn, yea, i'm not doing that...
~tmm
Dude! I'm just sayin'! Celebrity endorsements always work! Tell her that fistful is a close personal friend. By the time you have to confess you don't really hang out with me, she will like you enough that she won't care.
uh... what? she dosn't know me...
oh, and blackburn, yea, i'm not doing that...
~tmm
Post by: Phantom Warrior on March 31, 2006, 09:06:13 PM
(P.S. WV Slim, excellent movie reference.)
Post by: Stand_watie on March 31, 2006, 10:03:28 PM
Smile!!!!!! I guarantee you that will go a long way with any girl worthy of your time
Post by: 280plus on April 01, 2006, 01:41:35 AM
Good luck!
Post by: Iain on April 01, 2006, 02:00:25 AM
Quote from: 280plus
Hah, when I was working my way through college I was about 32 yo in my senior year and had been sitting behind this really cute one ~10 years my junior. We had hit it off pretty good for the semester and were pretty much pals so near the end I asked her out. Se busted out laughing. That was pretty much her entire reply to the question. I survived.
Ouch.To sort of derail this thread, but as an interesting (hopefully) sidenote on British/American attitudes to 'dating' - do Americans mean something different by going out for dinner? I met a really nice girl in Oxford a while back and when we were talking she mentioned that she'd never been on a 'proper' date, had boyfriends but never a date. So I asked her out to dinner and she agreed, but during the intervening week she rang me and said she couldn't make it.
Didn't worry about it until I was talking to the friend I had met her through. She said that this girl had discussed the 'date' with her American friends who had apparently told her that British people mean something quite different when they ask you out to dinner and that I probably had 'expectations'. Now with the exception of Bill Clinton, Rhodes Scholars are usually a bit out of my league, and I had no expectations other than a nice evening with a bright girl. Apparently had I asked her out for coffee it would have been fine.
I'm sure there is a bad sitcom to made out of this 'divided by a common language' business.
Post by: Declaration Day on April 01, 2006, 02:25:24 AM
Quote from: Iain
do Americans mean something different by going out for dinner? I met a really nice girl in Oxford a while back
As long as "going out for dinner" in England means going to a restaurant and having a meal sometime in the evening, then no, it doesn't mean anything different here.Sure there are guys who have "expectations" here, but I am sure there are some like that in England, too. I think your friend caught wind of a silly rumor. While we're at it, do all British people have fat heads and bad teeth? (just kidding).
Post by: 280plus on April 01, 2006, 02:57:15 AM
Post by: BillBlank on April 01, 2006, 03:03:10 AM
.As for talking to girls on ones teenage years, you could always try the rasputin carpet bombing approach. law of averages suggests that some success would result. If not then actually talking to her like a human being will be the better path. Beware the friend trap. Smile, don't be creepy, if you want a relationship with this female and not just horizontal athletics then you're interested in who she is. Show that off, use the bigger of your two heads when talking to her. Compliment her on her hair, clothes and eye colour. Don't go over the top with the flattery but most females seem to appreciate you noticing that stuff. Makes it obvious you're not just staring at the interesting bits.
Last thing, to echo all the other gentlemen here, never trying is a sight more painfull in the long run than the temporary ouch of being blown off. Even in the worst case scenario of her laughing in your face and attempting to publicly humiliate you, you will come out ahead. After all if she does that then no matter how great the exterior the interior was not worth worrying about. You also have the excellent counter to such behaviour of giving a wry smile and pointing out to others that all you did was ask for coffee etc. If she wants to react like a 12 year old then thats her problem. Maintenance of dignity combined with an elegant screw you factor.
Now act like you've got a pair and get in there son, unless you're a dribbling oaf in the real world you stand to lose very little and practice makes perfect after all...
Edited to add: 280, always the way. Get blown out by one and then another, better model, comes along from another direction entirely. The lady acquaintence I was with prior to my wife was a train wreck in waiting. Fate has a sense of humour yes?
Post by: 280plus on April 01, 2006, 03:08:16 AM
Quote
After all if she does that then no matter how great the exterior the interior was not worth worrying about.
Exactly!Quote
Fate has a sense of humour yes?
I believe that's true
Post by: Moondoggie on April 01, 2006, 04:17:15 AM
Good advice above. I know it seems mega-important, but it's not really a "fate of the galaxy" situation. Some you win, some you lose, and some get rained-out!
The only useful thing I can add is that you make sure to consider the asking from a tactical standpoint. Make sure that you find a time/place to ask her out one-on-one...nothing worse than the dynamics of a crowd of HS kids for a sensitive situation.
Post by: zahc on April 01, 2006, 04:22:28 AM
Post by: Ben on April 01, 2006, 04:23:16 AM
Quote
Fate has a sense of humour yes?
Most certainly. Though sometimes it takes a while before you get the joke.
Post by: El Tejon on April 01, 2006, 04:25:57 AM
Post by: ...has left the building. on April 01, 2006, 05:28:36 AM
Quote from: Justin
Be relaxed.
Girls like a guy who is self-confident and having a good time. (Gads, I've learned this from personal experience.)
If you have a hard time being confident, think about something you're really good at beforehand.
Last of all, take it all with a grain of salt. No big deal either way.
Justin = Pimp. The key point here is SELF-CONFIDENT and HAVING A GOOD TIME. Those two details will see you through nearly any social situation from asking your first girl out to making your first business deal to making a big presentation in the board room. If she says no, don't get too worked up about it, it really isn't a big deal. You're almost out of high school and in that arena, everyone hears that you've been rejected. After high school, nobody cares if you crash and burn asking a girl out so get that self-embarassment out of your system NOW. Just remember, "having a good time" and "self-confident". Just in the past year or so I've been asked out by four women. Of course I turned them down due to being married, but I did end up going to lunch will all of them and now they are all friends of mine. I wasn't doing anything to indicate that I was single or wanted to hook up other than me having a good time and being self-confident.
Girls like a guy who is self-confident and having a good time. (Gads, I've learned this from personal experience.)
If you have a hard time being confident, think about something you're really good at beforehand.
Last of all, take it all with a grain of salt. No big deal either way.
Post by: Matthew Carberry on April 01, 2006, 07:44:32 AM
Be desireless.
Be gone.
If that doesn't work I just wait for the ether to kick in.
Post by: grampster on April 01, 2006, 07:55:08 AM
First thing you need to know is that women are just as shy as you are. Most of the women that I was most intimidated by, later in life when we were laughing about those days, said that they wished that I'd just walked up and said hi and asked them out.
Try something like, "Hi, I'm TMM and I just keep noticing you and I find myslelf wanting to get know you." I kinda like (fill in any number of interests) and wonder if you'd like to go along to (fill in blank) sometime?
Do you have mutual friends that might introduce you?
Post by: Stickjockey on April 01, 2006, 08:44:28 AM
Post by: TMM on April 01, 2006, 09:38:48 AM
firstly, i should have said that i'm a sophomore and she's a senior, so when she's out of here i'm not.
zahc: thanks for the morale booster. Hah. actually, i haven't even spoken to her yet, so, your comment dosn't really apply.
speaking of talking to her, i can't really do what some of you said, to talk to her, get to know her a bit - she's not in one of my classes and we barely ever pass in the halls... so it's really a case of "*expletive deleted*it or get off the pot"...
~tmm
Post by: Strings on April 01, 2006, 09:48:47 AM
She's a senior, you're a sophomore, and you really have absolutely no interaction... might want to set targeting somewhere else. Say "hi" while passing in the halls, but don't do anything else. see what develops...
Post by: TarpleyG on April 01, 2006, 10:06:51 AM
Repeat after me: "I don't care if she wants to go out with me or not."
Greg
Post by: bermbuster on April 01, 2006, 10:49:11 AM
Quote from: Stand_watie
.....
Smile!!!!!! I guarantee you that will go a long way with any girl worthy of your time
Absolutely. Females (the ones who are emotionally well-balanced or close to it anyway) like to see men smile. Heck, we all like to see other people smile. Doesn't have to be a big, toothy grin just a pleasant look on your face. I always like being around people who can make me laugh, especially men. (Yes, I am female.)Smile!!!!!! I guarantee you that will go a long way with any girl worthy of your time
A male friend of mine taught himself simple magic tricks. He said it was GREAT for attracting girls and striking up conversations. Just a thought.
Post by: Ex-MA Hole on April 01, 2006, 12:35:27 PM
Good luck, TMM. Sounds like you are opening the door to the never ending path known as Women. WARNING: They are addictive. And fun. AND HUMAN. Treat them that way. You'd be surprised how many guys don't.
You're going to have a long and fun bunch of years coming up!
Try this:
"Hi. Want to get a cup of coffee sometime?". VERY IMPORTANT- when you say this simple phrase, LOOK HER IN THE EYE THE ENTIRE TIME. And, as others have said, smile. That's equally as important. The eye/ smile thing makes you come accross confident and respectful.
If she says "Yes", bonus.
If she says "No", her loss.
Also, remember rule #1: NEVER kiss and tell. EVER. This goes back to the above points- Treat women as the humans they are and respect them. Word will get around that you are a gentleman, the rest will take care of itself.
M
Post by: Jamisjockey on April 01, 2006, 12:40:36 PM
Post by: DrAmazon on April 01, 2006, 01:11:03 PM
Quote from: Felonious Fig
TMM,
STOP looking at women like they are some amazing, superior, yummylicious, master race from Planet Amazon.
Yes, because not all of us are. Just the tall, gun nutty ones are from Planet Amazon. And we ARE amazing and superior.
STOP looking at women like they are some amazing, superior, yummylicious, master race from Planet Amazon.
Post by: Perd Hapley on April 01, 2006, 01:42:38 PM
Stickjockey, if I smell what you're steppin' in, that is a meaning to my moniker I had never considered. I thought I'd be OK with a name from a Clint Eastwood movie.
Post by: p35 on April 01, 2006, 02:12:40 PM
Some guys in your position obsess about avoiding getting rejected. The reality is, that's gonna happen sometimes. Maybe (hopefully) not with this girl, but not everyone you're interested in has the same interest in you. True for everyone in this world. You have to be ready to shrug it off and move on to the next one. Just remember that it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just that things didn't match up right at that particular time.
Also, any attractive girl learns pretty young how to handle guys hitting on her. If she has any class at all, she knows how to say "thanks, but no thanks" nicely. If she's rude about it, she's saved you a lot of future heartache right at the outset.
Post by: Antibubba on April 01, 2006, 06:05:04 PM
Post by: CatsDieNow on April 01, 2006, 06:38:38 PM
Then a simple invitation to, say, Starbucks in a B&N or something.
Oh, and Justin is such a pimp.
Post by: ...has left the building. on April 01, 2006, 07:00:35 PM
Quote from: CatsDieNow
Flattery will get you everywhere. Most of you guys don't do it right, though. You are supposed tell a pretty woman that she is intellegent because everyone tells her how attractive she is. Smart women want to hear that they are good-looking, articulate, funny, etc...you fill in the blank here. Compliment her on what she is insecure about. The catch here is that you have to be sincere in your flattery - we know when you are lying.
Then a simple invitation to, say, Starbucks in a B&N or something.
Oh, and Justin is such a pimp.
LOL! I just find it funny that CDN is actually giving advice to exploit a woman's insecurities. I've been doing that for years but I'm just surprised you would not only condone it, but recommend it! And all this time I thought I was just being a total bastard Then a simple invitation to, say, Starbucks in a B&N or something.
Oh, and Justin is such a pimp.
Post by: Guest on April 01, 2006, 07:22:57 PM
Now I remember why I don't date.
Well, part of the reason. The part that doesn't involve hating people.
Post by: gunsmith on April 01, 2006, 11:16:43 PM
I did that once, I had gotten this girl into the backstage at a Clash concert
and we were at a bar after the show and I threw up on her.
She said she didn't mind but she never answered the phone when I
tried calling her....I have not vomited on anyone since I gave up drinking!
Some how I have managed to have really nice intelligent women in
my life, believe me it isn't my looks or my smile, my grille needs 50 grand to fix it.
learn humor and guitar, they will come to you.
Post by: Stickjockey on April 02, 2006, 05:45:15 AM
Quote from: fistful
Stickjockey, if I smell what you're steppin' in, that is a meaning to my moniker I had never considered. I thought I'd be OK with a name from a Clint Eastwood movie.
Note I didn't say don't use it; I just said be careful in the usage. With great power comes great responsibility. Quote from: Antibubba
I can hardly remember any of the women who turned me down. The women I never approached are with me to my dying day. Find a way to ask her.
TMM, truer words were never spoken. Get to it, lad!
Post by: 280plus on April 02, 2006, 05:58:16 AM
Quote
don't get drunk and vomit on her.
Sage advice, I learned that the hard way too...
Post by: chaim on April 02, 2006, 08:53:21 AM
Make yourself more attractive to women now. As stated above several times confidence is key. Make yourself interesting, and more confident, by developing some skills. Work out. Get involved in some sports. If you are already a jock concentrate more on your mind. Develop some hobbies. As you gain more skills in more things you will become both more confident in general and more interesting. The guys in high school, and after, that I knew who had the best luck with the women were those who were well rounded. You have more time and more opportunities for this sort of thing now while you are in school than you'll ever have again.
If you must pursue this idea of high school dating then there are some keys. From your post it doesn't sound like you know this girl very well. You really need to get to know her a little, and have her get to know you, before you even think about asking her out. Is this someone you just look at across the classroom or have you actually had a few good converstations with her? I'm not saying become best buddies, in fact if you want to date her that is the kiss of death, but you need to be at least casual aquiantances. Always be sure you are looking at her face when you talk to her, if you can't look her in the eyes the whole time then concentrate on the nose, just don't let your eyes wander.
Post by: TMM on April 02, 2006, 11:26:27 AM
I agree that i should concentrate on jobs, school, etc (i'm not religious so that's one thing i don't have to do). however, these things are not going to be demanding every spare moment of my time. what's 2 hours every week at the coffeeshop?
not to sound egotistical, but i think i am relatively well rounded (considering my age atleast) and a good person to be around. i don't particularly like sports, and if i was a jock i don't know what i'd do with myself... haha. I am an artsy guy, interested in jewelery making and metalsmithing, bladesmithing, hunting, guns (of course), etc.
I should really stress these points:
she is NOT is any of my classes
we BARELY ever pass in the hall
she is in SOME of my lunch shifts and only SOMETIMES do i see her.
Because of that, if makes it very hard to say hi one day, then "think you did well on that test" the next day, etc. I fail to see how simply asking her to a cup of coffee is a kiss of death. and i know about wandering eyes; i try my hardest. hehe.
~tmm
Post by: Headless Thompson Gunner on April 02, 2006, 11:43:41 AM
TMM, quit worrying about how to ask her out. There is no one magical right way to do it. There are no wrong ways either (vomitting on her is probably a bad idea, though
). So just do it. Ask her out already. The worst she can do is say "no" and then graduate and disappear in a month or two. What do you have to lose?
Post by: Stickjockey on April 02, 2006, 12:38:55 PM
Quote
I fail to see how simply asking her to a cup of coffee is a kiss of death.
I think that this is exactly what we're trying to say.!
Post by: ...has left the building. on April 02, 2006, 01:28:50 PM
Quote from: Barbara
You were.
Now I remember why I don't date.
Well, part of the reason. The part that doesn't involve hating people.
Glad someone's around to keep me in check Now I remember why I don't date.
Well, part of the reason. The part that doesn't involve hating people.
TMM- If you don't see her that much, say hi and smile at her when you do. After doing that a few times, introduce yourself and see what develops.
Post by: Silver Bullet on April 02, 2006, 01:51:55 PM
You can think of asking women out as throwing seeds in your back yard. Not all of the seeds are going to sprout, but some will.
(Seeds has another related implication in that sentence, but Im not playing that card.)
I hope my little insights are seminal for you.
(Wait; were not playing that card, I said.)
Post by: bermbuster on April 02, 2006, 04:13:45 PM
You may be overlooking some nice rubies and emeralds with your eye focused only on what seems to be a diamond.
Post by: Ron on April 02, 2006, 04:35:24 PM
Quote
Do you have some female friends you hang with? Talk to them. Get your confidence up. You've got some time. Well, a couple of months anyway before the school term ends.
Also it is easy to project whatever you want into someone you don't know. Idolizing and falling for the fantasy is a bad habit.You may not really like her if you do have a date, and there is nothing wrong with that.
You actually might be the best catch that she ever has a chance to date. Plenty of cool hot girls marry idiots.
Don't cut a girl slack for too long just because she is hot.
Of course you will never know if you don't approach her.......
Post by: chaim on April 02, 2006, 08:45:02 PM
Quote
I fail to see how simply asking her to a cup of coffee is a kiss of death
I didn't say it was. I said that if you do pursue dating in high school (or anytime really) it is easiest if you get to know a girl/woman a bit before you ask her out. If you talk to her sometimes you will know if you have anything in common, if you both can stand each other, and you will have some idea if she has any interest in you. What I did say was the "kiss of death" is if you take this idea and wait until you are actually friends, once you cross that line there is no return (in most cases).I suggest that you shouldn't date right now. Ideally wait until you are out of high school (college age kids get plenty of practice too, and if you develop yourself between now and then you should have more confidence as well). At least wait until your senior year. I come from a perspective where I do not see dating as just fun and games, it is a pretty serious thing. Eventually, regardless of how seriously you look at it (or how casually), serious emotions can develop. At your age are you anywhere near ready to get married if things go that far, of course not and so why play with your (and her) emotions like that. Further, dating can lead to other places as well. You may think you are a good boy who will know when to say "no", well, let me tell you (I haven't always been religious so I have some knowlege of things) human biology is a powerful thing and it isn't easy to stop at A when you are with some beautiful young thing who wants to move on to B or C. You may be the kind of guy who says "that's exactly what I want", well, sexual behavior can easily lead to some serious life altering consequences. Are you ready if you get some girl pregnant? What about if you contract some disease? These are just a few reasons to wait.
There are also more positive reasons to wait. Giving yourself 2-3 years will give you more maturity. If you develop yourself in other ways you will gain confidence in yourself. Make friends with girls and you'll find it easier to talk to girls in general and thus when you do start dating it will be easier.
If you must get started now there are things you can do to make it easier. Make friends with more girls. Girls know girls, as you make friends with girls you'll meet their friends. If you are friends with these girls you probably have something in common with them, they probably have something in common with their friends, making it more likely that you'll have something in common with their girlfriends than some random girls. Get involved in clubs and activities at school that have some girls participating. Join the school choir or drama club for instance. It will be fun in and of itself, and you'll get to know quite a few girls and it is easier to ask out girls who you already know a little than complete strangers. Forget about asking some girl out who you've never even talked to before, even if she says yes (and a stranger probably won't) it is the least likely situation to become anything worth while. If you really want to ask out this particular girl you need to start talking to her occasionally, have some converstations, before you actually ask her out.
Post by: CatsDieNow on April 03, 2006, 03:42:37 AM
See, the thing is that my advice is not just exclusive to picking up women. It is an equal-opportunity strategy. It's called "stroking the ego" when applied to men.
Everybody likes to be complimented.
Post by: ...has left the building. on April 03, 2006, 12:43:46 PM
Quote from: CatsDieNow
Dan,
See, the thing is that my advice is not just exclusive to picking up women. It is an equal-opportunity strategy. It's called "stroking the ego" when applied to men.
Everybody likes to be complimented.
Very true See, the thing is that my advice is not just exclusive to picking up women. It is an equal-opportunity strategy. It's called "stroking the ego" when applied to men.
Everybody likes to be complimented.
Post by: 280plus on April 03, 2006, 03:39:23 PM
Post by: brimic on April 03, 2006, 04:16:02 PM
Post by: RevDisk on April 03, 2006, 05:45:53 PM
If not, here's some general advice. I'm turning 25 on 6/6/06, and Gods, what would I have given for advice 10 years ago.
The reason why women are perceived to date jerks instead of nice guys is typically because too many jerks have confidence and too many self-claimed 'nice guys' lack spine. Women can smell desperation a mile away, and for some odd reason, it's not a turn on to most of them. The biggest 'trick' is to have a healthy amount of self-esteem, self-respect and plenty of spine. If you ask a lady out, and she says yes, congrads. If she says no, shrug it off, be polite and let her know the offer's open if she changes her mind but you're not gonna lack any sleep over it. In the long run, it doesn't pay to be a jerk or a human doormat. Women can spread information very quickly, and being labeled a jerk or chronic 'nice guy' amoung the female community will drastically limit your potential dating partners.
Try not to get stuck on one chick. Fixation may seem cute to guys, but too often, it comes off as creepy to a lot of women. Don't have super high expectations, don't build up things too much in your mind, and don't overanalyse things. Women will see it a mile away, and they're not impressed by it.
If you plan on using a cheesy pickup line or are just looking for nookie, make your move within 10 seconds or else move on. If you're trying to be more subtle (ie, you're not desperate and nookie isn't your primary motivation), you can take your time. Don't stare longingly at her when you think she's not watching. If you're lucky, she'll merely find it annoying. If you're unlucky, she'll find it creepy. How the heck would you feel if some strange guy was staring at YOU?
If you take your time, be cool and tell her the truth. You're just doing your thing, but you noticed xyz about her. If you want to be ueber subtle, don't try to pick her up. Say you'll be at bookstore, coffee shop, whatever next Friday/Saturday night and ask if she's interested in whatever is happening at said place. Don't use trite expressions, like telling a beautiful girl that she's beautiful or an uber intelligent girl that she's smart. Be original, and keep her a bit off balance. You have to be hopeful she'll express interest, but it won't exactly crush your world if she says no. You can't really fake this, and it's not an easy thing to learn. Practice makes perfect.
Don't overdo things. All things in moderation and all that. Dress well, be well spoken, have an interesting personality, and don't take rejection as the end of the world. Don't stare at her interesting bits, especially if/when she tests you. Over half the world's population is female, so the odds are in your favor. Take your time, do your thing, and keep trying. Eventually, you'll find the right girl. Actually, more likely, you'll run into each other when neither of you are expecting it.
Post by: 280plus on April 04, 2006, 12:39:34 AM
They say the definition of sexual harrassment lies in whether she likes you or not.
Post by: TMM on April 04, 2006, 12:56:50 PM
I haven't asked her out yet, but when i say we barely pass in the halls, i REALLY mean it... and besides, i think just running up to her in the hall isn't very...how do you say...classy?
She's in a few lunch shifts of mine and perhaps i will approach her then...
~tmm
Post by: RevDisk on April 04, 2006, 06:11:17 PM
Quote from: TMM
RevDisk: Good advice, thanks! you have good points/ideas, most of which i were considering using. the biggest problem will probably be the confidence bit, which i'm trying to work on (usually by saying:"THERES NOTHING TO LOSE!!! WHY ARE YOU HESITATING?!?!?"...heh.)
I haven't asked her out yet, but when i say we barely pass in the halls, i REALLY mean it... and besides, i think just running up to her in the hall isn't very...how do you say...classy?
She's in a few lunch shifts of mine and perhaps i will approach her then...
~tmm
Ouch, not to sound negative, but it sounds like you're at the tactical disadvantage. If she's currently a senior, you'd have only a couple months. Are you fine with such a short term relationship? Realistically speaking, she'll probably be going off to college. I've yet to see a HS/college long distance relationship work. The scheduling problem can be a small thing, or a big thing. I haven't asked her out yet, but when i say we barely pass in the halls, i REALLY mean it... and besides, i think just running up to her in the hall isn't very...how do you say...classy?
She's in a few lunch shifts of mine and perhaps i will approach her then...
~tmm
I gotta ask. Why'd you pick this girl out of the crowd? What made her so special that you're seemingly ignoring easier prospects? (Easier prospects being girls in some of your classes, part of your existing social network, members of the same club or interest groups, etc) If you say "just her physical appearance, I don't know jack else about her" I'll smack ya upside the head.
I'm not saying "Don't go for it". Indeed, give it a shot. Practice makes perfect and all that. Just don't get too focused on one girl. You'll overlook someone truly special if you do so.
Post by: Winston Smith on April 04, 2006, 06:14:45 PM
Post by: bermbuster on April 05, 2006, 03:56:28 AM
Quote from: Winston Smith
Revdisk, write a book for young men.
He does seem to have a lot of experience and wisdom to share. I'd second that recommendation.
Post by: TMM on April 05, 2006, 11:41:13 AM
i have realized the fact that she'll probably go off to college soon, which would probably suck - hopefully she'd work for a year or somthing, like how some people do.
why'd i pick her out of the crowd? damned if i know. don't even remember when i said to myself, "She's cute", or somthing along those lines. i'm rather picky when it comes to looks (unintentionally... some people just don't *click*, if that makes sence)
Now, the way i see it many relationships start with physical attraction, then mental. same deal here...
~tmm
Post by: SpookyPistolero on April 05, 2006, 01:59:32 PM
It seems like the deck is needlessly stacked against you in a lot of ways, time not being the least of your concerns. I'd second the notion that looking around to people who will be around for a while (ie classmates) might save your heart some ache'n.
The last two relationships I had were quite important in my life, and both ended up leaving the state for post-grad opportunities. Both ripped me up equally.
If none of that applies to you, the good luck with it! Just be confident, by realizing how small an event it is in the scheme of your life, and that you're just both people.
Post by: RevDisk on April 07, 2006, 04:14:03 PM
Quote from: bermbuster
Quote from: Winston Smith
Revdisk, write a book for young men.
He does seem to have a lot of experience and wisdom to share. I'd second that recommendation.Heh, they say experience is the greatest teacher. And it's very true. Even if I was to write the ultimate guide to relationships, which isn't possible, it'd be missing a critical point. Everyone is different, both men and women. A person is more than the sum of their experiences, but one's life experiences are a huge influence on one's behavior. Keep in mind, my advice is suited from my own experience. I have little interest in a meaningless piece of nookie. I don't go out looking to pick up women. I look for interesting folk. If things evolve from there, great. If not, I've suffered nothing and gained plenty. Others have different priorities and there's nothing wrong with that.
I suppose I have one final 'trick'. I employ the services of a 'translator', a friend of mine of nearly a decade, who happens to be a typical woman. A guy trying to understand the mind of a woman is like a dog trying to understand quantum mechanics. I don't take her word for holy writ, of course, but having good friends in the 'enemy' camp is always wise.
Quote
i know, i am at a tactical disadvantage...
i have realized the fact that she'll probably go off to college soon, which would probably suck - hopefully she'd work for a year or somthing, like how some people do.
why'd i pick her out of the crowd? damned if i know. don't even remember when i said to myself, "She's cute", or somthing along those lines. i'm rather picky when it comes to looks (unintentionally... some people just don't *click*, if that makes sence)
Now, the way i see it many relationships start with physical attraction, then mental. same deal here...
If you do care for her, even at this stage, why would you want her to shelve her life for you? i have realized the fact that she'll probably go off to college soon, which would probably suck - hopefully she'd work for a year or somthing, like how some people do.
why'd i pick her out of the crowd? damned if i know. don't even remember when i said to myself, "She's cute", or somthing along those lines. i'm rather picky when it comes to looks (unintentionally... some people just don't *click*, if that makes sence)
Now, the way i see it many relationships start with physical attraction, then mental. same deal here...
And yes, I can understand the click thing. It's something inarticulate, but very real. And yes, looks do make a difference, at least at first. Don't make it your sole guide, however. Yea, physical attraction is a big thing. Experience will teach you that it'll cause you plenty of trouble too.
I say, go for it if you want to. You're running low on time, but don't feel pressured to make a move. If the chance doesn't come up, it doesn't come up. Tis life. Tis why you shouldn't become obsessed with one girl and no others. Keep your eyes open, you might be surprised at what you were previously missing.
Post by: Felonious Monk/Fignozzle on April 07, 2006, 07:18:37 PM
TMM-- Talking too much you are. Ask, or do not. There is no try.