Post by: Monkeyleg on March 28, 2005, 02:06:04 PM
It was a family function for cousins on the in-law side. At the function was the daughter of another cousin, a 20-something whom I've seen at weddings, etc. She is, to say the least, very hot-looking. (Hey, I'm 54 and suffer from terminal marriage, but I can look).
At any rate, I found myself seated across from her. Eventually we were engaged in conversation...sort of.
The conversation revolved around her hair (it's usually straight, but some days it has some curl to it, especially if it's humid; why is that?), the fact that she didn't have any stretch marks after giving birth, and her amazement that I met her mother on the same day that I met my wife (my wife and her mother were best friends way back when and hung out together all the time).
It's been two days now, and I'm still marvelling that she can hold a job. She's not mentally incapicitated--at least not as far as I know--but I've simply never met anyone with so little on his or her mind.
Her fiance comes from a fairly well-to-do family, seems affable enough and, although quiet, was well-spoken.
I don't know why I'm posting this, except to possibly hear similar stories from others. For the sake of the future of mankind, I sure hope there aren't many other stories.
Post by: grampster on March 28, 2005, 02:14:13 PM
My ex daughter in law once asked my wife what leather was made out of. After my wife picked her jaw up off'n the floor, she told her that it was from (mostly) cow hide. The reply, "It is?" She had also wondered aloud that she didn't know what WWII was.
Graduate of the government school system.
Post by: spacemanspiff on March 28, 2005, 02:19:42 PM
so i'm having a conversation with my retardo room mate yesterday over lunch. hes a PAB liberal, hates guns, hates hunters. for no real reason, he just recites all the rhetoric everyone else has preached. so i ask him "whats more humane? the hunter that takes game with one shot? or the butcher whose sole job is to kill the cows and pigs that were bred for only one thing?"
he says "the butcher!"
so i try another tactic: "which animal has lived a better life? the game that is out in the wild? or the livestock that is pumped full of chemicals, and lives its life in cramped quarters, never fulfilling any purpose other than to be our food?"
he says "the livestock! the game has to make a tough living to survive, the livestock get fed all they want."
i figured there was nothing else to say, so i told him to enjoy his curry beef.
ohhh ohhh, another one. i said to him "a lot of gay people tend to be liberals, and as such are anti-gun. which is odd considering gays are the object of harrassment, assault, and even attempted murder by fanatical religious nuts. they should be arming themselves."
he says "well they wouldnt get a chance because its the rednecks with guns that are attacking them."
i swear, retardo just never thinks before he opens his mouth.
Post by: Guest on March 28, 2005, 02:59:19 PM
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe *I'm* the one that's not so bright.
(I'm teasing. I love them. Don't love my sister, though.)
Post by: Guest on March 28, 2005, 03:34:08 PM
Yes.
I paid tuition dollars to listen to a Instructor originally from the UK, whom hated guns, hated hunters, advocated gun control, gun locks...English Lit.
She didn't appreciate some of us Pro- Gun folks in class either. She knew her English Lit, that she could teach - her other "agenda" in the classroom was NOT what we students paid for.
Have to admit - when " Romeo Romeo wherefore art thou..." was being read by another student - one of my Pro Gun / CCW lady friends sitting beside replied " I'm busy cleaning my guns- can't you smell the Hoppe's?" Gave the read an interesting twist. *smirK*
Post by: Mabs2 on March 28, 2005, 03:42:46 PM
Post by: Sylvilagus Aquaticus on March 28, 2005, 03:43:38 PM
Yeah, at my hearth we refer to them as 'Stem Boy'. It's as if their spinal cord ends its' upward development at the brain stem, leaving them with only rudimentary autonomic function...respiration, circulation, etc. Sometimes, unfortunately, they have enough vestigial component for procreation, though.
The main problem is, most you'll meet do have that vestigial budding and do procreate.
Regards,
Rabbit.
Post by: White Horseradish on March 28, 2005, 03:47:34 PM
Jenny McCarthy and Anna Nicole make me wonder similar things. I think I have lost a few IQ points watching that one episode of The Jenny McCarthy show and just the commercilas for the Anna Nicole show made me fear that my brain is about to leak out of my ears...
Post by: Guest on March 28, 2005, 03:50:21 PM
Post by: bobs1066 on March 28, 2005, 03:50:35 PM
Hmm, I seem to have boloed doing a smilie. DOH!
Post by: Dave Markowitz on March 28, 2005, 03:53:00 PM
Post by: White Horseradish on March 28, 2005, 03:54:55 PM
Quote from: Barbara
Ha! Let's see you make a career out of two breasts and a 95 year old man.
Sure. As the old Russian saying goes, it's easier than pissin' on a finger. People have made careers out of far less. Ever hear of a guy named Le Petomaine?
Post by: K Frame on March 28, 2005, 05:03:40 PM
I'm still surprised that most people I meet can master the cruel task of breathing regularly.
Post by: SpookyPistolero on March 28, 2005, 05:26:59 PM
Actually, today I found a file she had saved on the computer under the name 'schedual'. Hmm..
There are constant massive mistakes and associated blatant lies to cover them up. Unfortunately the PhD is too blind to see them most of the time, or too uninvolved.
A more interesting one is that she has been here for 7 mnths and can't mix the drug we make. Mixing the drug literally entails adding a few mls (an amount listed on a board in the lab) to a bottle of diet. Just measure and inject. But that is proving too difficult apparently. If it involves a number or, God forbid, a decimal, then there is no hope of success. And they gave her an undergraduate degree...
Post by: Monkeyleg on March 28, 2005, 06:35:22 PM
The replies here seem to revolve around co-workers who can't do their jobs, or something close to that.
Try to recall the most recent blonde joke you've heard, then imagine that said blonde actually existed.
There's another member of my extended family who's on all sorts of drugs for psychosis. She doesn't even know what day, month, year, or millenium it is. I guess that's part of the price to pay for not going off with a baseball bat on someone.
Her SO gets his sick kicks by asking her questions: "Cindy, tell everybody about your new job."
Cindy: "I got a new job!"
That's the one on all the psychotropic drugs.
The one I'm concerned about is the one who isn't on drugs. More particularly, I wonder about the fiance. To whit: I wonder if the Little Head isn't letting the Big Head lead him into a circumstance where, even five years from now, he's going to be glad to visit dead relatives, just to strike up a conversation.
Ah, well. I'm sure they'll both get union jobs, not have to think too much, vote for whoever the bosses tell them to, and retire at 55.
Hey! Maybe I should have had a lobotomy, too!
Post by: uvakat on March 28, 2005, 06:44:23 PM
Lets see another conversation with her involved illegal aliens. In AZ her home state there was apparently a vote on whether or not illegals should get this one social program (my memory is hazy it' getting late)... she goes my rights are being taken away by this law. I just went huh? and left the room. I have to say she doesn't quite think of things. She is a perfect example of college brainwashing. When she took a class on India she started listening to Bollywood music, bought herself the traditional garb, and watched Bollywood movies. I swear she started thinking she was from India, saying the British did this and that to "us")... Lets last semester it was some SWAG (Studies in Woman and Gender-classes i wouldn't even TOUCH) so all I heard was how women are wearing this veil in every culture and not just Islam. She wants to Understand the terrorists. I have nothing against the religion, but fanatics are fanatics you can't understand them. She will defind Islam at the cost of Christianity (her relaitonshi)...Now, she's in some class with a flamming professor who thinks there are 13 genders. She is now saying that we as americans are very prudish about gender and should be like the Asians... Mind you I'm actually Asian by decent... and I think this white girl is NUTS!
Lets see Pistolero, I can definitely relate to that. We had a grad student in the lab I was working in who could not figure out how to mix a buffer (yes Mix a BUFFER)... unfortunately, the boss likes his chinese grad students. It got to the point that me, the lowly undergrad, had to show her how to do things. Also reading and some of the grad students don't seem to get along... Apparently the concept of keeping Radioactive materials only in the radioactive incubator was too much for them... GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Sindawe on March 28, 2005, 09:33:49 PM
The hereditary ones where the worst, since they could function quite acceptably in modern society, (Though what this leaves to say about modern society,....) unlike the self inflicted cases who usually stood out. I used to work with one chap who was so devoid of grey matter, he'd earned himself the moniker of "eighty-five" from his coworkers. Buffers were far beyond his ability. Simple 1 Molar HCl solutions where a challenge. It was not unfamiliarity with the lingo of the trade (practical chemistry & biology) that was the problem, he had THOSE down pat. He could not apply the "book learning" to a new situation, he NEVER thought for himself, or more than a few moments ahead. I watched him one day on the job (he's 8 months employeed, trained on the task) as he pressurized a large vessel of 1500L volume to 19 pound/in^2, walk away for 3 minutes to grab some pH probes, return and start unscrewing 1.5 inch blind plugs for the probes on the pressurized vessel without releasing the pressure on the vessel!
Post by: brimic on March 28, 2005, 10:21:29 PM
One guy was reading a batch that required him to mix a 55 gallon drum of NaOH solution. He filled it 3/4 full of water (so far so good) then physically walked into our WATER REACTIVE storage room that had warning signs posted everywhere, grabbed a 5kg container of SODIUM HYDRIDE (NaH) took it back to his drum and poured it in. The moron couldn't figure out why the drum got much hotter than it should have not to mention flames coming out of the bung.
Another was a woman I worked with. We had these white uniforms we wore at work, pants and button up shirts. After several washings they got kind of thin. She had a uniform sized for her, then over a year's time, put on a lot of weight to where she must have ahd to shoe-horn her fat arse to get them in her uniform pants every day instead of just ordering a new size. It was very obvious and apparant to everyone in the building on days when she wore a thong or even decided to go 'commando' to work. She had numerous chemical exposures because she couldn't grasp the not entirely difficult concepts of pressure and vacuum while working on glassware. On one occasion she got sulfuric cid splashed on her pants. Instead of immediately stripping them off and getting under a shower, she waddled like a constipated penguine to the locker room and had to fight to get the pants off- it was found out later by another female employee that she didn't immediately strip because she wasn't wearing underwear that day.
One guy that was employed by my current company lasted about 3 days before being fired. When his supervisor was trying to explain or teach him something, he preoccupied himself with playing 'air basketball' and retained nothing that his trainer was trying to teach him. Nothing like getting a $40K job right out of college and then blowing it because of a lack of even a modest amount of attention.
Post by: jamz on March 29, 2005, 02:23:48 AM
http://www.jdmcartoons.com/biznatch.mp3
Love, James
Post by: uvakat on March 29, 2005, 03:42:07 AM
Quote from: brimic
Sindawe- I've worked with a few chemists in the past who had chemistry degrees but were dumber than stumps.
One guy was reading a batch that required him to mix a 55 gallon drum of NaOH solution. He filled it 3/4 full of water (so far so good) then physically walked into our WATER REACTIVE storage room that had warning signs posted everywhere, grabbed a 5kg container of SODIUM HYDRIDE (NaH) took it back to his drum and poured it in. The moron couldn't figure out why the drum got much hotter than it should have not to mention flames coming out of the bung.
Another was a woman I worked with. We had these white uniforms we wore at work, pants and button up shirts. After several washings they got kind of thin. She had a uniform sized for her, then over a year's time, put on a lot of weight to where she must have ahd to shoe-horn her fat arse to get them in her uniform pants every day instead of just ordering a new size. It was very obvious and apparant to everyone in the building on days when she wore a thong or even decided to go 'commando' to work. She had numerous chemical exposures because she couldn't grasp the not entirely difficult concepts of pressure and vacuum while working on glassware. On one occasion she got sulfuric cid splashed on her pants. Instead of immediately stripping them off and getting under a shower, she waddled like a constipated penguine to the locker room and had to fight to get the pants off- it was found out later by another female employee that she didn't immediately strip because she wasn't wearing underwear that day.
One guy that was employed by my current company lasted about 3 days before being fired. When his supervisor was trying to explain or teach him something, he preoccupied himself with playing 'air basketball' and retained nothing that his trainer was trying to teach him. Nothing like getting a $40K job right out of college and then blowing it because of a lack of even a modest amount of attention.
One guy was reading a batch that required him to mix a 55 gallon drum of NaOH solution. He filled it 3/4 full of water (so far so good) then physically walked into our WATER REACTIVE storage room that had warning signs posted everywhere, grabbed a 5kg container of SODIUM HYDRIDE (NaH) took it back to his drum and poured it in. The moron couldn't figure out why the drum got much hotter than it should have not to mention flames coming out of the bung.
Another was a woman I worked with. We had these white uniforms we wore at work, pants and button up shirts. After several washings they got kind of thin. She had a uniform sized for her, then over a year's time, put on a lot of weight to where she must have ahd to shoe-horn her fat arse to get them in her uniform pants every day instead of just ordering a new size. It was very obvious and apparant to everyone in the building on days when she wore a thong or even decided to go 'commando' to work. She had numerous chemical exposures because she couldn't grasp the not entirely difficult concepts of pressure and vacuum while working on glassware. On one occasion she got sulfuric cid splashed on her pants. Instead of immediately stripping them off and getting under a shower, she waddled like a constipated penguine to the locker room and had to fight to get the pants off- it was found out later by another female employee that she didn't immediately strip because she wasn't wearing underwear that day.
One guy that was employed by my current company lasted about 3 days before being fired. When his supervisor was trying to explain or teach him something, he preoccupied himself with playing 'air basketball' and retained nothing that his trainer was trying to teach him. Nothing like getting a $40K job right out of college and then blowing it because of a lack of even a modest amount of attention.
Post by: griz on March 29, 2005, 06:55:28 AM
A carpenter friend had a helper who he entrusted to operate the easy end of the tape while my friend read the numbers. He looked over and this guy had his hand even with the board but an inch or two of tape was sticking out of his hand. Friend told him he had to hold the end of the tape at the end of the board. Helper asks, why, the numbers are on your end?!
Post by: mtnbkr on March 29, 2005, 07:23:48 AM
Quote
Jenny McCarthy and Anna Nicole make me wonder similar things
My wife bought a book Jenny McCarthy wrote about pregnancy (this was shortly after our daughter was born). Out of morbid curiosity, I read it (btw, it was freakin' funny at times). I have to admit, she came across as a rather normal person and not particularly dumb. After reading that book, I got the impression the "dumb blonde" act is just that, an act.As for ANS, I have no doubts she's as dumb as a sack of wet mice.
Chris
Post by: spacemanspiff on March 29, 2005, 07:36:20 AM
Quote
Ha! Let's see you make a career out of two breasts and a 95 year old man
so, you're saying ANS is like the female version of macgyver?
Post by: Brad Johnson on March 29, 2005, 09:28:10 AM
There's nothing more frustrating than having someone who's never bought or sold a home spend twenty or thirty minutes browbeating me because what I say doesn't jive with what "Uncle Herb the plumber" told them. Never mind that I average more than fifty transactions a year and dear old Uncle Herb hasn't set foot in a closing office in more than half a century. Even better are the dumbasses that come back with "..but the guy across the street told us our house is worth X dollars cause his mother's house that's exactly like it sold for that much?!". Never mind that her house is in California and has an ocean view and yours sits next to the sewage treatment plant in BFE, Iowa.
Sometimes you just want to do one of two things - throw up your hands in despair and quit, or jump across the table and attempt to choke some sense into the jackass you've been tolerating for the last half hour. The only thing that keeps me in the game is that the money is good, I set my own schedule, and there are enough good people out there to make up for the brain-dead goobers that seem to make up an inordinant percentage of the population.
Brad
Post by: Strings on March 29, 2005, 05:12:23 PM
Actually, I've had a couple customers that I wanted to throttle to improve the gene pool. The ones that complain about their parts being all scratched up, although they threw them unwrapped into a seat full of other car parts. Or the ones that expect me to redo trim for free when a bug causes a scratch. Or even better: the ones that expect pieces for a church to get some kind of discount. And let's not start on employees...
Post by: Standing Wolf on March 29, 2005, 05:29:52 PM
After that, I find individual nitwits much easier to contend with.
Post by: spacemanspiff on March 29, 2005, 06:28:38 PM
DU member that defended himself with a gun:
He used a crowbar on the patio door. Evidently he brought that with him, because it wasn't my crowbar. He brought his own pistol, too.
.The noise woke me. I first dialed 911 and got my pistol almost simultaneously, left the phone with my wife, went to the bedroom door and shouted that he should leave because I was armed and had called the police. He shot and wounded me in the leg. I shot back. The police removed the body. I was treated at the ER and released. 1978. AZ.
No arrest. I did get a "job well done" from, I believe, all of the officers responding. I didn't see it as a job well done. I saw it - and still do - as defending the lives of my family and me.
Now tell me how if only I had been quiet and cooperated with him, I'd have likely lost some insured household goods and none of us would have been the worse for wear. Perhaps you could tell me that because I was only hit in the leg, he didn't really mean to do my family or me serious harm so I was unjustified in returning fire. Or maybe you could tell me how wrong it was of me not to invite him to take whatever he wanted. OR! Sin of sins! I was wrong in having the audacity to occupy my own home at the time he wanted to rob it. And don't forget to discredit it as an anecdote.
I did and do lock my doors. Yes. I did and do keep loaded weapons in my house.
End of story.
Edited to add: Let this be a lesson to you. Never take a .380 to a .45 fight.
DU member that is an idiot:
The gun, an inanimate object that can't act of its own volition, didn't prevent the crime.
DUMTDHWAG:
In my case, the use of mine prevented a worse crime. I'd rather the intruder be dead than my family or me.
Edited to add: What was I supposed to do? Throw my pajamas at him? Speak in an authoritarian manner and expect him to obey? Or are you just sad that I survived instead of the criminal?
DUMTIAI:
I don't know you well enough to make a judgment like that, and I don't know the intruder at all. Did it occur to you to get OUT of the house after calling police, rather than staying inside and waiting for an encounter? I suspect you may be one who is just waiting for a chance to use your gun...
Post by: doczinn on March 30, 2005, 04:28:46 AM
Quote
Did it occur to you to get OUT of the house after calling police, rather than staying inside and waiting for an encounter? I suspect you may be one who is just waiting for a chance to use your gun...
And this, class, is how to recognize the pussus domesticus the common American gun-grabber.
Post by: Azrael256 on March 30, 2005, 12:30:08 PM
So she's about 5' tall, and has just about the smallest feet you've ever seen on an adult. She goes shoe shopping in the kid's section. She buys these sandals that have lights in the toe straps. They light up blue when she walks.
So we're driving along on about our second date, and she keeps looking behind us. I'm watching the rearview mirror, and there's *nothing* there, so I can't figure out what's going on. I should mention at this point that she does the nervous foot bounce thing.
"Sweetie, is everything ok?"
"Yeah... but I think the police are following us."
I had to pull over or the laughter would've sent me into a telephone pole. That, oddly enough, wasn't what killed it. What did finally kill it was somebody else telling me the exact same story from a month before.
Post by: Monkeyleg on March 30, 2005, 01:46:30 PM
Reminds me of a date I had back in college.
Saw her around the student lounge often, and finally asked her out.
We just drove around for awhile, trying to figure out whether to do dinner or a movie. She needed to use a restroom, so I stopped at a gas station. On the restroom doors they had the male and female symbols.
She came back to ask which was which.
I drove her home.
Post by: spacemanspiff on March 30, 2005, 01:54:04 PM
Quote
So she's about 5' tall, and has just about the smallest feet you've ever seen on an adult. She goes shoe shopping in the kid's section. She buys these sandals that have lights in the toe straps. They light up blue when she walks.
you did do an ID check, right?
Post by: Azrael256 on March 30, 2005, 07:15:18 PM
Monkeyleg, I do believe you've got mine topped. Impressive
Post by: spacemanspiff on March 31, 2005, 04:09:50 PM
retardo: my employer said they will give employees a bonus of $300 if they dont call in sick for a year. they should just give us all a raise of $300 instead.
me: well they say that knowing that maybe 1% of the employees would not call in sick throughout the year, so they obviously dont have the funds to give everyone that raise.
retardo: i dont understand.
retardo: my employer has all kinds of money, they should be able to pay us decently. were going to have the union force them to open their books up so we can see where the money is.
me: well, considering you base that on a) the company saying they have no money in the budget for pay raises, and b) the company admitting their revenues are higher than they've ever been, has it occured to you that maybe the budget for raises is not directly linked to profits from revenue? when your employers accountant works out the budget they allocate resources where they think they will need them the most. so when the exhaust those resources in order for them to stay on track with all the other facets of their business they cant simply start pilfering funds from elsewhere within the companys books.
retardo: i dont understand.
small claims lawyer: whats your hourly pay rate so we can add that to the amount of judgment requested from your previous landlord?
me: $14 an hour
retardo: well its $9.25 an hour now, but the raise i was supposed to get would have me at $9.33 an hour but payroll didnt get the paperwork in time.
lawyer: so, you're making $9.25?
retardo: well its supposed to be $9.33.
lawyer: well since were talking about one hour that you are going to be reimbursed for, that 8 cents wont make much of a difference.
retardo: but i'm supposed to be making........
retardo: hey i saw some kids walking down our street. i think they were up to no good.
me: well why dont you stand around out there and see what they are doing?
retardo: they looked scary.
me: {sigggghhhh} okay retardo (not retardos real name), do you want an armed escort while you check on the 8 yr olds walking down the street?
retardo: very scary.
ohhh, another good one:
retardo: i dunno what it is. i'll be talking to a coworker and all of a sudden they'll just walk away. is it me?
Post by: SpookyPistolero on March 31, 2005, 05:01:13 PM
Post by: Mabs2 on March 31, 2005, 06:33:06 PM
I think I'm one of these people.
@_@