Armed Polite Society
Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: Terpsichore on September 08, 2011, 08:40:50 PM
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Little boy and dad come through my line at work...(fyi,the lil boy had to be no more than five)
Kid: "Wanna hear a joke?"
Me: "Sure, why not?"
Kid: "Why does a gorilla have big nose holes?"
Me: "No idea. Why?"
Kid: (Very proud he can tell this joke btw) "Because he has big fingers." He giggles, his dad turns red and tries to apologize. I thought it was the cutest thing that the lil guy wanted to share his joke with me. Nothing is so cute as little kid humor. It's so innocent.
Here's the question....Best little kid joke ever?
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I told my Grandad this one when I was 7 or so... he thought it was pretty good. Can't recall where I first heard it.
"A lion had just taken down the biggest, meanest Cape Buffalo in existence.
The lion was so pleased, she roared and roared over her victory. A hunter heard the roaring, found the lion, and shot her dead"
Moral of the story: "When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut."
Not the best, but anyway.
Welcome aboard!
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Dirty Joke: Kid falls in a mud puddle.
Clean Joke: Kid takes a bath.
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My mom loves to tell this story.
When I was five, I loved to tell jokes. One of my favorites, at the time:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To keep his pants up!
And apparently, I'd just laugh and laugh... Kind of like I do now.
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I wish I could be a stand-up comedian for children. It would be the easiest job ever.
HEY CINCINATTI! HOWYA DOIN? GREAT NIGHT HUH? GLAD YOU COULD ALL COME OUT! GREAT CROWD... GREAT CROWD...
Anyway kids, listen up...
POOP!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY! YOU WERE GREAT!
I'll be here all month, then from October 2nd through 24th, I'll be at the Luxor in Vegas, then from November 5th to the 19th I'll be in Atlantic City, tell your friends! Good night!
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Dirty Joke: Kid falls in a mud puddle.
Clean Joke: Kid takes a bath.
Definition of perfect pitch: A banjo going in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
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Definition of perfect pitch: A banjo going in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
Why are bagpipe players always walking?
They're trying to get away from that horrible noise.
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Currently the funniest joke in the universe of 10-11 year old boys in Wheaton is the one I (cleaned up a bit and) told my son on the way to Iowa:
Q: What is the last thing to pass through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
A: Its Butt.
It gets told 5,000 times per day and never gets old. In fact, it gets the same roars of laughter the 4,999th time they tell it to each other as when it was told it The. 1st. Time. Ever.
(AJ, here's a Helpful Hint for your comedy act: Any joke that has "Its Butt" as the punchline will become the absolute funniest joke in the 10-11 year old boy universe. The girls will laugh too, just not out loud and will only tell the joke to each other in secret.)
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Why are bagpipe players always walking?
They're trying to get away from that horrible noise.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two piccolos playing in unison.
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Currently the funniest joke in the universe of 10-11 year old boys in Wheaton is the one I (cleaned up a bit) and told my son on the way to Iowa:
Q: What is the last thing to pass through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
A: Its Butt.
It gets told 5,000 times per day and never gets old. In fact, it gets the same roars of laughter the 4,999th time they tell it to each other as when it was told it The. 1st. Time. Ever.
(AJ, here's a Helpful Hint for your comedy act: Any joke that has "Its Butt" as a the punchline will become the absolute funniest joke in the 10-11 year old boy universe. The girls will laugh too, just not out loud and will only tell the joke to each other in secret.)
You don't know my daughters. They feed off each other, and will get goofy at the dinner table, having burp contests, and having conversations where every other word is poop, pee, farts, and butt..
Mrs. Dual was driving the brood home from school yesterday, and asked each one what she learned. Alice, one of the younger twins, exclaimed "Tall people have long penises, and short people have little penises."
Mrs. Dual had to correct her, and refine her query to what they learned in class, not the playground. :laugh:
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What's the definition of a minor second?
Two piccolos playing in unison.
This is some kind of band geek joke? Do not get.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
Rrrrr?
You'd think so, but actually, it's the C.
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This is some kind of band geek joke? Do not get.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
Rrrrr?
You'd think so, but actually, it's the C.
Absolutely awesome joke.
And yes, that's obviously a band geek joke.
Related:
How do you get two altos to sing in unison?
Shoot one.
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And does everyone know how to get a musician off their porch?
Pay for the pizza
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Absolutely awesome joke.
The pirate joke, or the band joke?
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Old MacDonald had a farm
EIEIO
And on his farm he had some PANTS!!!!
Cue hysterical shrieking giggling.
Yeah, I don't get it either.
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Old MacDonald had a farm
EIEIO
And on his farm he had some PANTS!!!!
Cue hysterical shrieking giggling.
Yeah, I don't get it either.
Big joke with my little girl right now: Pudding.
I don't get it, but apparently "pudding" is extremely funny on the playground right now, and she will bust a gut laughing. I'm talking full out eyes watering, snorting, guffah's here.
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My 3yo's favorite joke is a knock-knock joke she came up with:
Her: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Chocolate.
Me: <sigh> Chocolate who?
Her: Iccce Creeaaaaammmm!
Me: ???
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My 3yo's favorite joke is a knock-knock joke she came up with:
Her: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Chocolate.
Me: <sigh> Chocolate who?
Her: Iccce Creeaaaaammmm!
Me: ???
Next time your reply shoud be "with little bits of corn inside, topped with carrot shavings"
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The pirate joke, or the band joke?
The pirate joke. I have a friend that just loves bad jokes, and he'll think it's hilarious. (I, too, love bad jokes.)
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Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: By his tracks in the peanut butter.
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Why do ducks have flat feet?
From stomping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
First one with the correct answer does not have to listen to the groans.
stay safe.
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Why do ducks have flat feet?
From stomping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
First one with the correct answer does not have to listen to the groans.
stay safe.
From stomping out burning ducks. Groan. :facepalm:
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How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
He paints his toenails red!!!
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What do you do if you're trapped inside an elephant and can't get out?
Run back and forth until you're pooped out.
=D
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Whats brown and sticky?
a stick
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Mrs. Dual was driving the brood home from school yesterday, and asked each one what she learned. Alice, one of the younger twins, exclaimed "Tall people have long penises, and short people have little penises."
Mrs. Dual had to correct her,
AJ, you're tall aren't you? =D
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AJ, you're tall aren't you? =D
6' even, fortunately.
My girls have been experts at picking the bathroom door locks with butter knives purloined from the kitchen since they could walk, makes showering and just simply trying to pinch off a loaf in peace... interesting to say the least.
Dad? =D
What? ;/
I know why you're wearing that towel around your waist! =D
Why? ;/
So I can't see your PEE-NIS! =D
Me: ;/
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And how old are you your girls AJ?
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(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FsF71n.jpg&hash=a1d3a9464acfa49efa83cbeebfcacc500e58e851)
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And how old are you your girls AJ?
Two of them are six, two of them are seven.
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Two of them are six, two of them are seven.
:O And I though I had double trouble. You have double double trouble!
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How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
He paints his toenails red!!!
That doesn't work.
Well, have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No.
Well, there ya go then!
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That doesn't work.
Well, have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No.
Well, there ya go then!
That just means the elephant is very well hidden.
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That just means the elephant is very well hidden.
Hmm.....good point. Lure it out with peanut butter! Can makes peanut butter n cherry sammiches.
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That actually sounds tasty right now...
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Hmm.....good point. Lure it out with peanut butter! Can makes peanut butter n cherry sammiches.
You offering to make sammiches?
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Never had PB&C before, sounds good.
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You offering to make sammiches?
You is offering to make sammiches? Sounds good to me. :)
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Where's the best place for an elephant to hide?
Under a pool table.
Ever seen an elephant under a pool table?
He hides pretty good there then, doesn't he!!!
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A woman took her husband to the doctor and said "Doctor, Doctor- something is wrong with my husband- he's laying eggs!"
"How long has he been doing this?"
"Two weeks" she replied.
"Why did you wait so long to bring him in?"
"I needed the eggs"
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(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FsF71n.jpg&hash=a1d3a9464acfa49efa83cbeebfcacc500e58e851)
More Magnets
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
They should put them in Congress. They would be smarter and spend less money.
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From the honorary niece when she was about 8:
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are expensive, as much as ten dollars a pound.
Deer nuts are under a buck. (https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi3.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy83%2FHuckPhinn%2Fbadumpbump8ce.gif&hash=e2858b3f414218542ad82f004db299f0de726c15)