Armed Polite Society

Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: K Frame on June 14, 2006, 05:10:24 PM

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 14, 2006, 05:10:24 PM

That can be the only explanation...

Jesus...

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 14, 2006, 05:17:23 PM

Jesus what?

Weren't you just bragging about the absolute perfection of your company's products?  That's good for a lot of chimps.  

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 14, 2006, 05:30:36 PM

Yes. We're very good at delivering defect-free software. The group's ability to do that is proven every day of the year at military installations around the world.

The written word, especially when it relates to internal processes and procedures?

OOK OOK EEEEHHH EEEHHHH! (If you have any poo, fling it now.)

Occasionally I come across something that stops me in my tracks.

Tonight I came across something that didn't just stop me in my tracks, it derailed the train, turned the tracks into Sherman's Bowties, and salted the earth around where the tracks used to be.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 14, 2006, 05:32:06 PM

Well...

Share.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 14, 2006, 05:33:40 PM

I just did.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 14, 2006, 05:39:02 PM

Must I apply thumb-screws?  What, specifically, was so befuddling?

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 14, 2006, 05:44:52 PM

Take a look at who I work for, then realize that there's a reason that I've used general terms. You won't be seeing copying and pasting of sections of the document(s) on which I'm working.

You'll only hear me bitching about them.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Jamisjockey on June 14, 2006, 06:24:09 PM

I work with a bunch of slackers, psychos, and troublemakers.  But when the poopoo hits the fan....like the last two days with thunderstorms during high demand times, they pull together and make it work.  If you poor schmucks in the flying public only knew how it all comes together....

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 14, 2006, 08:53:42 PM

Oh, I forgot youse worked for the secret gub-mint programs, making soffwear fo' da' black hely-coppers.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: 280plus on June 15, 2006, 12:53:19 AM

So that maKes you what Mike, top banana?

Quote

I work with a bunch of slackers, psychos, and troublemakers.

Damn, that sounds like FUN! I shoulda went into aviation!

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 15, 2006, 02:52:41 AM

"Oh, I forgot youse worked for the secret gub-mint programs, making soffwear fo' da' black hely-coppers."

That's right. Please don't forget it again.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 15, 2006, 03:31:25 AM

So you admit you work for the Black Helicopter program, which is used to spy on your fellow citizens and round up dissidents?  I'm glad I have an honest job in the tin foil industry.  That way I can sleep at night.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Brian Williams on June 15, 2006, 03:50:00 AM

I have a coffee cup that would probably fit, it says, "You don't have to be CRAZY to work here -- it's just a bizarre coincidence that everyone is".

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 15, 2006, 04:45:52 AM

"So you admit you work for the Black Helicopter program, which is used to spy on your fellow citizens and round up dissidents?"

Well SOMEONE has to do it!

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: charby on June 15, 2006, 05:01:26 AM

Tell me more about these chimps.

Do they throw poop?

Do they get all excited when the monster trucks come to town?

Do they think Tuesday's cheap beer night is the best night to go out? (and Applebee's is the best restaurant ever?)

Do they have internet girlfriends/boy friends?

Or are they just a bunch of chimp poo for brains asshats that couldn't pour water out of a boot if the stiching on the boot said turn me over.


-C

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 15, 2006, 05:14:57 AM

Somewhere between the extremes...

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: StopTheGrays on June 15, 2006, 06:11:36 AM

Quote from: Mike Irwin

"Oh, I forgot youse worked for the secret gub-mint programs, making soffwear fo' da' black hely-coppers."

That's right. Please don't forget it again.

Do you know Bob Lazar?

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 15, 2006, 08:35:28 AM

Quote from: charby

couldn't pour water out of a boot if the stiching on the boot said turn me over.

So if there was water in a boot, you could get it out by turning it over?  Please explain.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: charby on June 15, 2006, 08:46:10 AM

Quote from: fistful

Quote from: charby

couldn't pour water out of a boot if the stiching on the boot said turn me over.

So if there was water in a boot, you could get it out by turning it over?  Please explain.

Just means they are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Pouring water/piss out of a boot is just an expression from Iowegia land.


-C

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Jamisjockey on June 15, 2006, 08:50:47 AM

Quote from: charby

Quote from: fistful

Quote from: charby

couldn't pour water out of a boot if the stiching on the boot said turn me over.

So if there was water in a boot, you could get it out by turning it over?  Please explain.

Just means they are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Pouring water/piss out of a boot is just an expression from Iowegia land.


-C

He got that....he was being a smartass saying that he didn't realize you could get water out of the boot....
I work for the .gov....there is probably a manual describing how to get the water out, and who to penalize for putting the water in there....

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: charby on June 15, 2006, 08:53:14 AM

Quote from: JamisJockey

He got that....he was being a smartass saying that he didn't realize you could get water out of the boot....
I work for the .gov....there is probably a manual describing how to get the water out, and who to penalize for putting the water in there....

Yeah I realized that after I replied, been pretty serious tone here at work all week so my sarcasm sensors are shut down. End of budget year.. yeah!!

-C

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 15, 2006, 08:57:02 AM

"there is probably a manual describing how to get the water out"

Funny you should mention that, Jamis...

I was going through some papers over the weekend and found the original owner's manual and information sheets for the refrigerator in my house. It's a circa 1979 GE (I really need to get a new one...)

Anyway...

There are some surprisingly detailed instructions on how to use the frigging plastic ice trays, complete with photos!

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Brad Johnson on June 15, 2006, 09:09:39 AM

Just because folks are good programmers doesn't make them good communicators. This is doubly true when it comes to written communication. It's been my experience that the mindset and thought process that makes a good programmer is usually a 180 from what makes a good manual writer. Programmers tend to ignore the fact that most manual readers A) are not programmers, B) are linear thinkers needing clear, concise instructions, and C) lack the knowledge to "fill in the gaps" for procedural issues.

I used to edit the manuals for a small company here in town. My criteria for proofing was "Can my 80 year old grandmother understand this". 9 times out of 10 the answer was a resounding NO! They were usually written in clipped, poorly worded snippets with far too many references to technical things that the average user simply could not comprehend. Then the programmers would get all in a huff when I rewrote everything. They hated me, but they started writing better manuals just to keep me from darkening the door.

In my current profession we're fighting with new MLS software. It might be process-efficient and very easy on systems resources, but it stinks in daily use. It is way too compartmentalized, the flow-through is non-existant, and nothing about it is even remotely intuitive. You have to jump around from one part of the program to another to get even the most basic tasks accomplished. The menu command structure is impossible for anyone without extensive computer experience. It's pretty obvious that the program was written by people who had no real-world real estate experience and very little idea of how to make software easy to use for non-technical types. Sure, it has all the information there, but the process it takes to wrangle it out of the program is cumbersome, long-winded, and overly complex. Plus, all the little neat "techno-weenie" bells and whistles that would be neat/fun if you have a single-use program only serve to muddy the waters here. The screen space used for neat-but-useless functions could have been put to much better use with radio buttons for the most-often needed day-to-day funtions.

And the manual is trash. Not only is the grammar and sentence structure technically terrible, it jumps around without any discernable concern for keeping the manual instructions synchronized to the process it is describing. They could have said twice as much in half the space and, with a little reorganization, made the manual ten times easier to understand. I took one look at mine and threw it in the trash. It was that bad.

Brad

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Perd Hapley on June 15, 2006, 01:43:38 PM

Quote from: Mike Irwin

There are some surprisingly detailed instructions on how to use the frigging plastic ice trays, complete with photos!

Does it say how to pour water out of the ice cube trays?

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: K Frame on June 15, 2006, 02:18:46 PM

It says how to pour frozen water out of the ice cube trays...

I'll type the text in this evening if I have a chance.

Title: Chimps. I work with poorly trained chimps.
Post by: Sindawe on June 15, 2006, 06:54:11 PM

Quote

Not only is the grammar and sentence structure technically terrible, it jumps around without any discernable concern for keeping the manual instructions synchronized to the process it is describing.

Great ALMIGHT!  I work with two people who talk in that fashion, now you're telling me that such folks are writing manuals now?  ARRRGGHHH!!

Working with barbarous chimps can be a lot of fun.  I worked with such a crew back in my biotech days and the practical jokes we pulled were killers.