Post by: cosine on December 30, 2006, 08:56:33 PM
It's a bit crude, but hey, it's funny!
I remember that the first time I read it on THR I almost fell out of my chair laughing. What's your favorite humorous firearms saying?
Post by: Monkeyleg on December 30, 2006, 10:02:05 PM
#2: "Hey, guys, watch this!"
Post by: Fly320s on December 30, 2006, 10:40:00 PM
Post by: Standing Wolf on December 30, 2006, 11:44:47 PM
Post by: gunsmith on December 31, 2006, 12:33:16 AM
Post by: 280plus on December 31, 2006, 04:36:11 AM
Post by: crt360 on December 31, 2006, 07:19:35 AM
Post by: Preacherman on December 31, 2006, 07:25:27 AM
Quote
On running out of ammo: "If pointing an empty gun at your opponent makes him duck, you may live for an extra two seconds-and who knows? I may find another gun, the bad guy may give up, or the ammo fairy may drop me a magazine."
Quote
On marksmanship: "Open up the ground between you and the threat. At arms distance, you opponent doesnt have to be good, he just has to be lucky."
Quote
On hesitation: "Dont be a deer caught in the headlights of the Kenworth of life!"
Quote
On conserving ammo: "People ask, What do you do if the guys on drugs? Shoot em! But what if it doesnt work? Shoot em some more!"
Quote
Long Guns Vs. Handguns: "They say you cant use a rifle or shotgun indoors because a bad guy will grab the barrel. Yeah? Well, he better hang on, cause Im gonna light him up and itll definitely be an "E" ticket ride."
Quote
"The two most important rules in a gunfight are: always cheat and always win."
Quote
"Make (your attacker) advance through a wall of bullets. I may get killed with my own gun, bet hes gonna have to beat me to death with it, cause its going to be empty."
Quote
"Shoot whats available, as long as its available, until something else becomes available."
Quote
"You can say stop or alto or use any other word you think will work, but Ive found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someones head is pretty much the universal language."
And perhaps the most important rule of all:
Quote
"Dont forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
Post by: Moondoggie on December 31, 2006, 08:22:21 AM
My reply..."There's no such thing as "All the guns I want"".
I sold the horses about 2 yrs after she made that statement and she's been regretting it ever since.
Post by: danny on December 31, 2006, 02:55:24 PM
Post by: Eleven Mike on December 31, 2006, 03:17:17 PM
Slightly off-topic, but close.
Post by: mustanger98 on December 31, 2006, 03:49:50 PM
"not much a man can't fix with 700 dollars and a .30-06".
Post by: meinbruder on December 31, 2006, 04:50:05 PM
I am the only one in this room, that I know of, qualified to handle a Glock fotay.
Now that there is funny, I don't care who ya are! Git-er-done.
}:)>
Post by: Eleven Mike on December 31, 2006, 09:24:02 PM
Well, it's not really humorous, but Lindsey(?) Cooper Wisdom's poem title comes to mind...
"not much a man can't fix with 700 dollars and a .30-06".
"not much a man can't fix with 700 dollars and a .30-06".
Sounds interesting. Care to share the poem with us?
Post by: cosine on January 01, 2007, 05:12:50 AM
I am the only one in this room, that I know of, qualified to handle a Glock fotay.
Now that there is funny, I don't care who ya are! Git-er-done.
}:)>
Have you seen the video which accompanies that quote?
Post by: El Tejon on January 01, 2007, 05:37:42 AM
Post by: mustanger98 on January 01, 2007, 09:12:15 AM
Well, it's not really humorous, but Lindsey(?) Cooper Wisdom's poem title comes to mind...
"not much a man can't fix with 700 dollars and a .30-06".
"not much a man can't fix with 700 dollars and a .30-06".
Sounds interesting. Care to share the poem with us?
Preacherman posted the poem in its entirety in a thread on THR. Here's the link.
http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?p=740845
The poem is titled "Grandpa's Lesson." BTW, the author's right name is Lindy Cooper Wisdom and not "Lindsey".
Quote
Pappy took to drinkin' back when I was barely three.
Ma got pretty quiet. She was frettin', you could see.
So I was sent to Grandpa and he raised me up real good.
He taught me what I oughta and he taught me what I should.
I learned a heap 'o lessons from the yarns he liked to tell.
There's one I won't forget because I learned it 'speshly well.
There jist ain't many folk who live a peaceful, carefree life.
Along with all the good times there'll be lotsa grief and strife.
But there ain't many troubles that a man caint fix
With seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six."
Grandpa courted Grandma near the town of old Cheyenne.
Her daddy was cantankerous - a very greedy man.
He wouldn't give permission for a fancy wedding day
'Til grandpa paid a dowry - biggest ever people say.
Her daddy softened up when Grandpa said that he could fix
Him up with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six.
Grandpa herded cattle down around Jalisco way.
Ended up behind some iron bars one dusty day.
Seems the local jefe craved my Grandpa's pinto mare.
Grandpa wouldn't sell her so he lit on out of there.
Didn't take much doin' 'cept a couple special tricks
Plus seven hundred dollars and his thirty ought six.
Then there was that Faro game near San Francisco Bay.
Grandpa's cards was smokin' hot and he took all one day.
He woke up nearly naked in a ditch next early morn'.
With nothin' but his flannel shirt, and it was ripped and torn.
Those others were professionals and they don't play for kicks.
He lost seven hundred dollars and his thirty ought six.
He begged some woolen trousers off the local storekeep there
Who loaned him both a pony and a rifle on a dare.
He caught those thievin' cardsharks at another Faro game.
He got back all his property and also his good name.
He left one bleedin' badly and another mostly lame.
My Grandpa's trusty rifle shoots just where you choose to aim.
Grandpa's slowin' down a bit and just the other night
He handed me his rifle and a box sealed up real tight.
He fixed me with them pale grey eyes and this is what he said,
"You're awful young but steady too and I will soon be dead.
I'll bet this here old rifle and this honest money too
Will come in mighty handy just as readily for you.
There jist ain't many folk who lead a carefree peaceful life.
Along with times of happiness, there's always woe and strife.
But.....ain't many troubles that a man caint fix
with seven hundred dollars and his thirty ought six."
Ma got pretty quiet. She was frettin', you could see.
So I was sent to Grandpa and he raised me up real good.
He taught me what I oughta and he taught me what I should.
I learned a heap 'o lessons from the yarns he liked to tell.
There's one I won't forget because I learned it 'speshly well.
There jist ain't many folk who live a peaceful, carefree life.
Along with all the good times there'll be lotsa grief and strife.
But there ain't many troubles that a man caint fix
With seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six."
Grandpa courted Grandma near the town of old Cheyenne.
Her daddy was cantankerous - a very greedy man.
He wouldn't give permission for a fancy wedding day
'Til grandpa paid a dowry - biggest ever people say.
Her daddy softened up when Grandpa said that he could fix
Him up with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six.
Grandpa herded cattle down around Jalisco way.
Ended up behind some iron bars one dusty day.
Seems the local jefe craved my Grandpa's pinto mare.
Grandpa wouldn't sell her so he lit on out of there.
Didn't take much doin' 'cept a couple special tricks
Plus seven hundred dollars and his thirty ought six.
Then there was that Faro game near San Francisco Bay.
Grandpa's cards was smokin' hot and he took all one day.
He woke up nearly naked in a ditch next early morn'.
With nothin' but his flannel shirt, and it was ripped and torn.
Those others were professionals and they don't play for kicks.
He lost seven hundred dollars and his thirty ought six.
He begged some woolen trousers off the local storekeep there
Who loaned him both a pony and a rifle on a dare.
He caught those thievin' cardsharks at another Faro game.
He got back all his property and also his good name.
He left one bleedin' badly and another mostly lame.
My Grandpa's trusty rifle shoots just where you choose to aim.
Grandpa's slowin' down a bit and just the other night
He handed me his rifle and a box sealed up real tight.
He fixed me with them pale grey eyes and this is what he said,
"You're awful young but steady too and I will soon be dead.
I'll bet this here old rifle and this honest money too
Will come in mighty handy just as readily for you.
There jist ain't many folk who lead a carefree peaceful life.
Along with times of happiness, there's always woe and strife.
But.....ain't many troubles that a man caint fix
with seven hundred dollars and his thirty ought six."
Post by: Dave Markowitz on January 01, 2007, 10:24:59 AM
Post by: cosine on January 01, 2007, 10:31:51 AM
"Bother," said Pooh, as he chambered another round.
I've seen that in several sig lines on THR and always wondered: Where did it originate?
Post by: HankB on January 01, 2007, 11:50:09 AM
Post by: grampster on January 01, 2007, 04:50:43 PM
Peter, you gave me the laugh of the day. Those were funny.
Post by: Preacherman on January 01, 2007, 08:49:54 PM
Post by: cosine on January 01, 2007, 08:51:17 PM
Clint's witticisms are a lot of fun. When Thunder Ranch in TX closed down, they also shut down the Web site, that had a long collection of them. Fortunately, I saved that Web page to my hard disk, so I still have them all! Perhaps I should post them on THR for posterity . . .
Or post them here!
1000th post
Post by: Rovi on January 02, 2007, 01:33:17 AM
Post by: The Rabbi on January 02, 2007, 03:22:39 AM
Clint's witticisms are a lot of fun. When Thunder Ranch in TX closed down, they also shut down the Web site, that had a long collection of them. Fortunately, I saved that Web page to my hard disk, so I still have them all! Perhaps I should post them on THR for posterity . . .
My favorite Clint quote:
Quote
Turd sucker
Said about people who criticised the Smith Thunder Ranch .44Spc for the gaudy TR emblem among other things.
Post by: The Rabbi on January 13, 2007, 04:58:15 PM
"When in doubt, empty the magazine." -Murphy.
Post by: DrAmazon on January 14, 2007, 08:53:42 AM
My variation as a bullseye shooter is my favorite...
True gun control is only needing one hand!
Post by: Gewehr98 on January 14, 2007, 09:29:49 AM
Post by: Antibubba on January 14, 2007, 02:49:03 PM
Post by: Vodka7 on January 14, 2007, 03:40:18 PM
Post by: drewtam on January 14, 2007, 03:41:26 PM
Post by: Perd Hapley on January 14, 2007, 05:30:38 PM
I found my Pooh quote on the rec.guns newsgroup around 1998. I've been using it ever since.
I've always liked it better when accompanied with the image of Pooh holding a Martini-Henry and period helmet. Did that come from rec.guns? Anybody know?
Post by: RevDisk on January 14, 2007, 06:02:12 PM
What's your favorite humorous firearms saying?
"Son, that 'one shot one kill' philosophy was never explained to you, I gather." - My sergeant, after I worked my way through a box of .50 BMG ammo on a M2
"Accurate well placed fire has its place. Somewhere else." - Buddy of mine, as I was loading belted 40mm ammo onto the feed tray of a Mk 19
"Uh.. Well. It's ergonomic." - Finnish soldiers trying to think up a compliment for the M16 after firing it. Me, I was sobbing when I had to hand back the Finnish RK 95 TP
I'm deeply surprised no one meantioned the old classic.
Peace through superior firepower!
Post by: cosine on January 14, 2007, 07:18:51 PM
I found my Pooh quote on the rec.guns newsgroup around 1998. I've been using it ever since.
I've always liked it better when accompanied with the image of Pooh holding a Martini-Henry and period helmet. Did that come from rec.guns? Anybody know?
I've never seen the image to which fistful refers. Can anybody rectify the problem?
Post by: Gewehr98 on January 14, 2007, 07:26:27 PM
She sent me the original Adobe PDF file, so I blew it up to 11"x17" at 1200 dpi on my Tektronix Phaser 780 color laser, and had it mounted in my office at the squadron before I retired.
Now it's hanging in my home office.
(I'd like to remind folks this artwork is not intended for release to the public domain)
Post by: cosine on January 14, 2007, 07:57:34 PM
I hope she doesn't mind if I save it, but I won't pass or show it around.
Post by: Matthew Carberry on January 15, 2007, 10:20:00 AM
When my beloved told me about 10 yrs ago "If you'd sell your 2 horses, you could buy all of the guns you want".
My reply..."There's no such thing as "All the guns I want"".
I sold the horses about 2 yrs after she made that statement and she's been regretting it ever since.
My reply..."There's no such thing as "All the guns I want"".
I sold the horses about 2 yrs after she made that statement and she's been regretting it ever since.
In a similar vein, years ago when I first got into handguns and started buying them, I was asked by my then girlfriend "How many guns do you need?"
My answer? "Just one more, honey. Just one more."
My collection keeps growing and that statement is as true now as it was then.