Post by: Sindawe on March 19, 2007, 09:01:56 PM
Almost 14 and since she's all the rage with the man-cubs in her school, she thinks she knows everything and walks on water. Tonight she decides that her conversation with the favored man-cub of the moment takes priority over all other concerns, so ties up the phone line ignoring incoming calls. Also tonight, my sister (neices mother) needs to talk to our mother about some work issues she's upset about. A shoulder to cry on if you will. My sister calls me at work about this, and asks if *I* can get through, since goldensprog neice has hung up on her mother several times.What makes this even more infuriating is that has done this before when my sister had a medical emergency last Dec. and was trying to reach our mother for a 2nd opinion as to the cause and appropriate course of action. Goldensprong neice also took calls on my mother's birthday from myself, my sister, my uncle and my grandmother. Yet she failed to make any note of these calls, and told my mother "No, there were no messages." Said neice was roundly admonished for this behavior in Dec, yet here it is again. Along with a host of other behavior issues....
So its back to the only stick that seems to work with this girl. Deprivation of all things MySpace; web page and IM both. And this time she has to convince ME that she is truly repentant, since I'm the only one who knows the password of the nanny-ware on the PC. Freaking kid....
Post by: MattC on March 19, 2007, 11:08:27 PM
Post by: garyk/nm on March 20, 2007, 01:22:26 AM
Post by: Jamisjockey on March 20, 2007, 02:25:19 AM
Post by: mtnbkr on March 20, 2007, 02:32:48 AM
Chris
Post by: Leatherneck on March 20, 2007, 03:01:22 AM
Trust me, it can be painful.
TC
Post by: K Frame on March 20, 2007, 03:48:31 AM
Complete revocation of all phone/computer privs. for a minimum of a month along with total social grounding for a minimum of two weeks. Better yet, since it happened in December, a month. Straight to school, straight home. No extra curricular activities of any kind.
And, explain that if it ever happens again, phone privs. and the grounding will continue indefinitely, and very likely well into the summer.
Nothing an active, popular, teenager feels so dearly as being socially isolated.
Post by: The Rabbi on March 20, 2007, 04:32:25 AM
I have a 13 yr old, soon to be 14 yr old daughter. Sindawe, you recognize her, right? That cute kid hanging on your wall with the Mauser? Not anymore.
Beginning around 12 1/2 she must have undertaken a strenuous course of study in everything. You would be amazed what she knows. There is no subject under the sun that she does not have an opinion about, and she is always right. Her parents, whose schooling primarily occured during the Pleistocene period, are hopeless knuckle-draggers who were born middle-aged and have lived inside a bubble all their lives. We just don't get it.
I am assured on good authority that they do grow out of this at some point.
Post by: mtnbkr on March 20, 2007, 05:50:39 AM
Heh. Chris, I think you're underestimating the raw power of an adloscent girl's *attitude*
Trust me, it can be painful.
TC
While not an adolescent, my daughter can cop quite the 'tude when she feels like it. I, on the other hand, have no problem putting her in "time out" for as long as it takes to calm her down (she fears "time out" more than any other punishment). I also have no problem taking away a favorite toy, denying her dessert, or having her apologize for being rude or mean. I'm the parent, I'm in control.Trust me, it can be painful.
TC
I'm expecting the teen years to be more difficult, but I haven't yet hit my personal limit of discipline. When her concept of time extends beyond "right now", I'll have even more ammo in my arsenal.
Chris
Post by: Cromlech on March 20, 2007, 06:06:07 AM
Post by: AJ Dual on March 20, 2007, 06:29:00 AM
When they're really bad, you take them to the mall to be with their friends.
Oh, I forgot to mention, you'll be wearing an "I'm with stupid" T-shirt, Bermuda shorts, black socks and sandals. And you will be calling her by name, loudly, every minute or so...
Post by: Sindawe on March 20, 2007, 07:11:50 AM
Yea, based on my experience and observations over the years, female teens can be a real handful to raise. I thought I'd avoided all the nonsense by not having kids. But NOOOOO...
I think I'll try the month of "MySpace iz verboten" as suggested. I know if this crud is not nipped now, she'll follow the same path as her 2nd cousin.
I remember her Rabbi, and also based on my observation most of 'em do grow out of it eventually. But the parents I've known enduring that hassle have wished they could just lock 'em in a closet or something for the years it takes the child to grow up.
Post by: Chris on March 20, 2007, 07:25:54 AM
I'd suggest taking away phone privileges, since she cannot be trusted to responsibly use the phone. When that doesn't solve the problem, expand outward to other privileges, such as computer, T.V., after school activities, etc. One of two things will happen. Either she'll get the point and toe the line, or she'll do something stupid like stay out past curfew, run away, etc. Oh, and when she threatens to do this, don't fold under the pressure. Stay strong.
Remember to stay consistent, make sure the penalties aren't removed because she whines about it, and that you increase penalties with increasing problems, but also reward good bevavior. I call it the carrot on a stick approach. Either do what you need to do to get the carrot, or I'll crack you with the stick.
Post by: BrokenPaw on March 20, 2007, 07:28:16 AM
If the month-o'-no-MySpace doesn't work, you may wish to try what BrokenMa and I had to use on BrokenKid. She'd been getting increasingly more snotty and spoiled, taking everything she had for granted and acting along similar lines to your niece.
We made her write down a list of everything in her life that was a privilege, and everything that was a necessity. Then we made her either explain why things were necessities (to our satisfaction) or move them to the "privilege" list. At the end, only true necessities (food, clothing, shelter, adequate school supplies) were on the "necessities" list. Everything else (right down to "pencils and paper to draw with, outside of school assignments", and "contact with friends") was on the "privileges" list.
Then we held up the "privileges" list, and said, "as of now, all of these are gone. And they won't be coming back until you earn them back."
We assigned a certain number of hours of "community service", by which we meant "helping around the house in ways above and beyond basic contributory chores" to each privilege (according to how big of a privilege it was and how much she had abused it). That way she could choose what privileges she wanted back soonest, but had to work hard to get each one back.
It took her several months to earn them back, and she hated us at the time. But now, 3 years later, she's told us that it's the best thing we could have done, because it taught her to value the things she has, because she knows that she earned them. She's turned into quite a remarkable young lady.
I don't know if it'll work with your niece, but it might be worth a try.
-BP
Post by: AmbulanceDriver on March 20, 2007, 07:38:08 AM
But we knew, absolutely KNEW that a disrespectful attitude was NOT tolerated.
How did we know? My parents had absolutely NO qualms about warmin' my butt up w/ a belt or switch. I knew they did it in love, although at the time I absolutely hated it. And there was none of that "wait until your father comes home" crap. If mom caught me being a punk, I got my whoopin' from mom. Same w/ dad. (er.... I got my whoopin' from dad. not he got.. wait. ewwww... parent sex!)
But I digress. The longer she thinks she can get away with this crap, the more she's gonna try to get away with it. If she pushes, you push back harder. At first, she's likely gonna try to push back even harder, but when she's grounded for the next six months and can't talk to her friends, she'll figure it out.
Post by: Strings on March 20, 2007, 11:13:02 AM
Assuming you don't give in to the temptation to throttle the lil' werewolf (a temptation EVERYONE who deals with kids has)
>I'm expecting the teen years to be more difficult, but I haven't yet hit my personal limit of discipline. When her concept of time extends beyond "right now", I'll have even more ammo in my arsenal.<
Just tell her you won't let her
>But I digress. The longer she thinks she can get away with this crap, the more she's gonna try to get away with it. If she pushes, you push back harder. At first, she's likely gonna try to push back even harder, but when she's grounded for the next six months and can't talk to her friends, she'll figure it out.<
I used this approach with the son of a girl I dated many years ago. I finally spelled it out for him one night: "Don't f*** with me. I f*** back, and I f*** harder. What you pull with your mom just stopped". Explaining how to deliver a beating without leaving any marks helped persuade him that I was serious, and his attitude and actions suddenly improved...
Post by: Declaration Day on March 20, 2007, 11:25:16 AM
http://www.bolt.com/ash-hole1985/video/South_Park_ADHD_Cure/2051468
Post by: 280plus on March 20, 2007, 11:36:44 AM
I vote for the loss of phone privs and expand from there tactic. It's all about leverage. Figure out whatever it is that they just can absolutely not live without and use it against them mercilessly. She needs to develop the notion that bad actions will only lead to bad consequences where it hurts the most. Mine was quite the hellraiser but has come around from knowing I say what I mean and mean what I say. The worst thing you can do is be a waffle with them.
Post by: Sindawe on March 20, 2007, 11:48:30 AM
Yea, the phone is gonna be the next to go. Since neice has a history of sneaking the phone into her bedroom, I'm gonna have to see if I can control it via the cable/VOIP modem. Hopefully I'll be able to block particular numbers incoming, and prevent calls outgoing to particular numbers. However that is all new territory and I'm not the account holder.
Post by: roo_ster on March 20, 2007, 11:58:06 AM
NOW ya tell me!
Post by: 280plus on March 20, 2007, 12:12:28 PM
What, you mean my little 1YO daughter is not going to stay the wonderful little ball of fun & laughter she is now?
NOW ya tell me!
NOW ya tell me!
SURPRISE!!
Actually, if you can just not be a waffle, your chances are much better for a painless pubescence. Especially the temper tantrum thing. If they know that a temper tantrum will get them even LESS chances of getting what they want, temper tantrums go away. The problem is if they have already learned ranting and raving works, it's much harder having to break the habit, but it CAN be done. Good luck sind!
Post by: stevelyn on March 20, 2007, 12:43:31 PM
She needs an attitude adjustment. Maybe a tour of a local juvie center for starters.
No......A juvie center isn't for inconsiderate kids with bad manners. A smack upside the head would be a good start.
Post by: Felonious Monk/Fignozzle on March 20, 2007, 12:50:00 PM
I vote him to be our forum wizard.
Post by: Lee on March 20, 2007, 02:19:09 PM
Post by: Strings on March 20, 2007, 04:30:41 PM
Post by: cosine on March 20, 2007, 07:01:44 PM
Post by: RocketMan on March 20, 2007, 09:39:49 PM
Post by: 280plus on March 21, 2007, 04:26:41 AM
You can always resort to the "Barrel Method" of child raising. It is not yet too late.
For some reason this reminds me of the "bucket and saucer" method of birth control. Unfortunately it IS too late for that! 
Post by: Antibubba on March 22, 2007, 07:32:48 PM
Post by: Sindawe on March 23, 2007, 08:31:29 AM
Neice and sister got into again last night over the phone, with sister laying into neice w/o cause and keeping neice awake late. So this morning neice fell asleep after being roused from bed for school and missed her bus.
No biggie to my eyes, neice has to walk a whole 2.5 miles to school and will be late. But the school admin and resident cop don't concur since neice is "Learning Disabled" (she's not, she was misstracked in FL and until lately has been lazy with her studies) and have now threatened my mother with child neglect unless she hires a freaking babysitter to ensure neice gets to school on time or has a family member do it.
*SIGH*
Maybe I should move to Florida, where THEY moved from in 2005. That'll fix 'em right good.
Post by: wmenorr67 on March 23, 2007, 08:36:11 AM
Post by: Sindawe on March 23, 2007, 08:43:00 AM
Post by: TF_FH on March 28, 2007, 08:19:48 AM