Ok, funny story time...
A friend was a P&P officer. One of his probationers comes in for the monthly visit. The fellow seemed unusually nervous. So, suspecting that the fellow is on something, the officer decides to UA him. The field kit is located, and a cup is provided. Having found a "device" in the trousers of another probationer the week before, the officer decides to stand in the doorway of the restroom. The customer finds the officer's presence bothersome, and requests privacy. The officer refuses to move. The customer levels various accusations regarding the officer's preferences, lineage, spousal fidelity, maternal promiscuity, and a few other topics that might well embarrass a Gunnery Sergeant. The officer replies that the customer is welcome to walk across the street to the courthouse and repeat the various epithets for a judge, but that it may well result in revocation of the customer's probation and a lengthy incarceration. The customer reluctantly agrees to urinate in the officer's presence.
So, having established a plan of action, the customer proceeds to unbuckle his belt without incident. Removal of his trousers, however, proves... exculpatory.
Upon unbuttoning his pants, the customer loses his grip on the waistband, and his trousers fall to the floor. The officer, expecting to discover a "device," is instead treated to a full view of the customer's OEM endowment. The officer also notices that the trousers appeared to fall off of the customer with a speed indicative of an unusually heavy object having been concealed therein. The officer is quite unnerved by this development, believing the object to be a firearm. The officer is quite mistaken in this belief.
As the officer is drawing his weapon and instructing the customer to remain motionless, the customer attempts to retrieve his fallen garment. In doing so, the customer inadvertently punctures one of two plastic bags concealed in the garment, and proceeds to spill roughly one pound of mid-grade homemade methamphetamine powder onto the bathroom floor.
Moments later, several of the officer's associates, roused by the officer's statements to the customer, arrive ready to fight an armed assailant. They are, however, incapacitated with laughter at the sight of a "naked dumbass covered in crystal meth."
Say no to drugs, kids.
