Parenting Double Edged sword...

[Ex-MA Hole]

...I'm sharing this on all the forums I read...It's been almost 24hours and I'm still sick to my stomach...Yesterday my Daughter came up to me and asked to talk.  She looked serious and scared.  She told me that she did something wrong and wanted to tell me, but I had to promise her I wouldn't be mad.  I assured her that as long as no one was dead, she would be fine.  She told me that a while ago when Jen and I were upstairs in the shower and she was downstairs playing with her dolls and two boys knocked on the back sliding door and told her to let them in and that they wanted to play with her.  She told them through the open window, as I have told her 1,000,000 times before, that she needed to ask her Mommy and Daddy and she'd be right back.  They told her no and to let them in.  She said no and went to ask us.  She said when she tuned around to head upstairs, they took off.

She was scared because I told her to be nice to people and she was, in her five year old mind, mean to them and felt awful about it.  I explained to her that I was VERY proud of her and that she did the right thing.  I told her that she was polite but telling the that she couldn't let them without asking Mommy and Daddy, and that she was great for not giving in.  I told her that she was REALLY, REALLY good for doing what she did, and that she did EXACTLY what she should have, except that she should have told us right away.

She said that she didn't tell us because she didn't want to get into a timeout out for being mean to people.

I recognize that this may be the creation of a five year old little girl's mind, or she may have seen it on tv, or it may have been the kids in the neighborhood selling candy for the school fundraiser...but...I guess even living in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire, you never know...

[erictank]

...I'm sharing this on all the forums I read...It's been almost 24hours and I'm still sick to my stomach...Yesterday my Daughter came up to me and asked to talk.  She looked serious and scared.  She told me that she did something wrong and wanted to tell me, but I had to promise her I wouldn't be mad.  I assured her that as long as no one was dead, she would be fine.  She told me that a while ago when Jen and I were upstairs in the shower and she was downstairs playing with her dolls and two boys knocked on the back sliding door and told her to let them in and that they wanted to play with her.  She told them through the open window, as I have told her 1,000,000 times before, that she needed to ask her Mommy and Daddy and she'd be right back.  They told her no and to let them in.  She said no and went to ask us.  She said when she tuned around to head upstairs, they took off.

She was scared because I told her to be nice to people and she was, in her five year old mind, mean to them and felt awful about it.  I explained to her that I was VERY proud of her and that she did the right thing.  I told her that she was polite but telling the that she couldn't let them without asking Mommy and Daddy, and that she was great for not giving in.  I told her that she was REALLY, REALLY good for doing what she did, and that she did EXACTLY what she should have, except that she should have told us right away.

She said that she didn't tell us because she didn't want to get into a timeout out for being mean to people.

I recognize that this may be the creation of a five year old little girl's mind, or she may have seen it on tv, or it may have been the kids in the neighborhood selling candy for the school fundraiser...but...I guess even living in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire, you never know...

Wow.  Hope you hugged your daughter HARD, and kept on reassuring her over and over that she did it EXACTLY right by not letting them in.  That's scary.

[S. Williamson]

Her behavior of "being mean to people" should be punished immediately and thoroughly.







With ice cream.   

Seriously, if I ever have kids, I hope they have that much common sense at 20, let alone 5. 

[vaskidmark]

Brava! for your little one.  That she behaved correctly is obvious.  That your parenting efforts both sunk in and paid off are obvious.  That she realizes the conflict between "being polite" and having to say "No" is perhaps one of the most precious gifts you can ever give her.  You may even live through her going off on dates without the need for tranquilizers and ostentatiously displayed firearms.

Continue to reinforce the rule about not letting strangers in without Mommy's or Daddy's permission.  Do your darndest to keep your shakes and emotional turmoil to yourself, as at her age she does not need another bogeyman to try to deal with.

Even though it may now be 24 - 48 hours aft1er the fact, you would be well-served by reporting the incident to the police.  Beyond the fact that there may be latent forensic evidence for them to collect and analyze, they need to be aware of the fact that there are two animals roaming the area.  (You did not say anything about age, but your description of two boys coming to the back door and telling your daughter to "let them come in and play with her" does not sound like playmates from school who showed up because she was bragging about the newest toy you bought her that they also wanted to play with.)

stay safe.

skidmark