Jokie...

[vaskidmark]

What wasn't mentioned is that the box of ammo the chief gave him was this. 

No, not that stuff.

This!!  http://tinyurl.com/qvrcl2

stay safe.

skidmark

[PTK]

Ah, the ammunition of the exploding pants. 

[HankB]

A very young, newly-ordained missionary priest was on an island in the Pacific, meeting with the chief of the local native tribe. They were working together to learn one another’s languages. While walking down a trail, the chief would point to an object – say, a rock – and grunt “Uggh. What that?” 

The missionary would say “Rock” and the chief would repeat  “Uggh. Rock.” And the lesson would continue.

At one point, they noticed a disturbance behind some bushes. The chief pushed them aside with his spear – to reveal a native man and woman very romantically involved with one another. Chief pointed and asked “Uggh. What that?”

Embarassed, the young missionary priest said the first thing that popped into his head. “Man riding bicycle.”  The chief replied “Uggh. Man riding bicycle.”

And then he killed both of them with his spear. 

Horrified, the young missionary priest said “Chief! How could you do that?!? You just killed two people!”

Chief replied “Uggh. Man riding my bicycle.”

[S. Williamson]

No, not that stuff.

This!!  http://tinyurl.com/qvrcl2

stay safe.

skidmark

 

My point was that six illegal aliens, six ACLU lawyers, six Democrat senators, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit add up to a total of 31 targets. 

The box of Hornady has 20...

[sanglant]

and there were only 6 targets.

[S. Williamson]

Now, now.

I would never accuse a rabbit of being a senator. 

[Scout26]

My point was that six illegal aliens, six ACLU lawyers, six Democrat senators, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit add up to a total of 31 targets. 

The box of Hornady has 20...

So he'd have 13 bullets left.....

[sanglant]

Now, now.

I would never accuse a rabbit of being a senator. 

they both agreed to let the rabbit live.

[sanman]

They will probably go quick... 
 
I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) event at the Ford Center next weekend in Beaumont, Texas , if anybody wants them. Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.

Should be a good time.

[GigaBuist]

I certainly think this is PG-13 and safe enough for the board.

A man and wife were looking to change churches.  They spoke with the pastor at a local church they really liked and he said they could join but only if they remained chaste for 4 weeks.  He met with them once a week after their first meeting.

At the first meeting they said everything was fine.  They hadn't really cared about the chastity requirement all that much.

The second week was a little tougher.

The third week was torture.

At the final meeting the pastor asked if they'd lasted the whole four weeks and the man fessed up, "No, we didn't.  My wife dropped a can of corn the other day and went she bent over to pick it up I lost all control."

Pastor says, "Well, I thank you for being honest, but that means you can't join our church."

Man says, "That's alright.  I understand.  We're not allowed in WalMart any more either."

[TechMan]

The One Question Test

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.  By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be Honest, yet Spontaneous......give due consideration....

THE SITUATION:
 
You are in Miami, Florida. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical  proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
 
You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
   
THE TEST:
 
Suddenly you see a man and a woman in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow they look familiar.. you suddenly realize who they are. 
 
It's Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi!!!  At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever.   
 
YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:
 
You can save their lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the deaths of two of the world's most powerful people...

NOW, Here's the question... please give an honest answer...


Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black & white?

[Mabs2]

High contrast color.
You can always grayscale it later if you want.

[230RN]

What's this "film" thing of which you speak?  I can't make such a momentous decision without knowing all the facts.

But disunirregardless, I'd want to know how fast the water is moving.  Do I want the drama of a slightly blurred action shot, or a high speed documentary-type shot, capturing every nuance of their terrified expresssions?

And are Schumer, Lautenberg, and Bloomberg still upstream from me?

Terry, 230RN

[Monkeyleg]

GigaBuist, I told your joke to my wife and she just stared at me. She didn't get it at all. I thought it was really funny, but maybe that's me.

[HankB]

A wife had just finished reading a new book entitled,  "You Can Be THE Woman of Your House"   (Uh-oh . . .)

She stormed to her husband in the kitchen and announced,

"From now on, you need to know that I am THE woman of this house and MY word is Law!

You WILL prepare me a gourmet meal each night, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you WILL serve me a scrumptious dessert!

After dinner, you WILL draw me a bath so I can relax every night while you're doing the dishes and scrubbing the kitchen!
 
You WILL wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe!

Then, you WILL massage my feet and hands!"

Stopping to catch her breath, she then said, in an only slightly milder tone . . . 

"Then each morning, starting tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
 
 
Taken aback, the husband thought for a moment and replied, "My first guess would be the funeral director."

 

[TechMan]

GigaBuist, I told your joke to my wife and she just stared at me. She didn't get it at all. I thought it was really funny, but maybe that's me.

Monkeyleg,
I told my wife and she and I thought it was really funny.

[TechMan]

Top  Secret
 
Air  Force General:
Good  Morning Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air 
Force One.
 
Obama: No  kidding?
 
General: That's  right, sir. Will you be going along on its maiden  flight?
 
Obama: Wouldn't  miss it for the world.
 
General: Have  a good trip, sir.