Presidential Battle Royal; Prime of life knife only FFA: Who wins?

[Ned Hamford]

http://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/

Now that is just plain fun.

I would be rooting for Teddy Roosevelt but expecting Jackson to win.  

I would love them to make a movie from the old Celebrity Death Match Claymation series of this: Presidential Royal. 

[Tallpine]

Probably Ted Kennedy would win because no one could stick a knife deep enough into him to hit anything vital 

[Scout26]

Probably Ted Kennedy would win because no one could stick a knife deep enough into him to hit anything vital 

DQ.

Thankfully he was never president.


I've got $20 on Jackson.

[RoadKingLarry]

DQ.

Thankfully he was never president.


I've got $20 on Jackson.

I see what you did there

[HankB]

Abe Lincoln - after all, in his prime he routinely killed vampires!

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/abraham-lincoln-vampire-hunter/

 (You were expecting this, weren't you?)

[Tallpine]

DQ.

Thankfully he was never president.

What was I thinking 

[Ned Hamford]

What was I thinking 

no worries, just replace him with Taft; same principle theory 

[seeker_two]

It'll be a tie b/t Teddy Roosevelt & Andrew Jackson.....even if Abe Lincoln brings an axe to a knife fight....

[kgbsquirrel]

I'd wager George Washington makes a good showing. He was an Army officer back in the days when they met the enemy face-to-face with a saber in hand.

[Perd Hapley]

Funny that he doesn't think he even needs to explain what makes Lincoln a shoo-in for "Holy Trinity" status. I get that he was a boxer and a rail-splitter, but sheesh.

At least he recognizes that Barack Obama is not a scraper [sic].


And what's with that stupid knife? Should be a Bowie or a KaBar.

[vaskidmark]

....  And what's with that stupid knife? Should be a Bowie or a KaBar.

But it's what the Green Berets use.  I mean, c'mon, dude, special farces and all that.

The problem with the knife (and the much-vaunted K-Bar) is that it is a general camp knife, but pretty much useless as a fighter.  You need length, some sort of hilt to trap the opponent's blade (preferably brass and preferably with some sort of angle towards the point), and heft.  Sure, close-in slashing will eventually cause someone to die of blood loss, but do you have the stamina to wait that long?  Do you really want to get that close to some sucker in order to stick your blade into them?  Have any of you hunters ever tried to stick a knife in your dead meet?  You are not going to sink the blade in up to the handle if you use any sort of fighting grip (except perhaps an ice pick/hammer grip), so you need some decent length to the blade in order to assure that what you do get inside hits vital bits.

As for needing "a Bowie" - it's a shape, not a specific item.  Perchance you were referring to the particular one the gentleman who gave his name to the shape was allegedly carrying at that duel on the sandbar?  Like Mick Dundee's, that was a knife - with all the qualities I've mentioned.

stay safe.

[Perd Hapley]

The problem with the knife is that it's some silly thing no one's ever heard of before. If you're going to set up an epic, 44-way smack-down between some of the most famous men and influential (and some of the least-remembered) men in American history, it should be something everyone easily recognizes as quintessentially American.

So a Bowie (yes, the shape, not the specific item, that's what's usually referred to as a Bowie knife) or a KaBar (again, the shape, not the specific item, since KaBar is the Kleenex of Marine Corps knives).

[K Frame]

My first thought was Lyndon Johnson.

[birdman]

I would actually go with Nixon as an underdog...if underhanded cheating were allowed, he's definitely a sneak up and stab you guy.  But for real, what about Grant? 

How about determining the -worst-   Id put odds on FDR...polio pretty much ensured he'd be toast.

[roo_ster]

Top 3 in my book (no particular order):
1. Teddy Roosevelt
2. G Washington
3. Andrew Jackson

[K Frame]

But, at 11.5 mph on Roosevelt's chair? He could play dodge and weave for the first 3/4s of the fight and let everyone tire themselves out, then swoop in for the clean up kills.

My money is on Carter being the first out, with Regan doing the honors.

[Harold Tuttle]

Eisenhower would ruin your tea party

[seeker_two]

Eisenhower would ruin your tea party

Only if he smuggled Patton into the ring....


Washington was a "country gentleman" kind of general....not really a personal scrapper.

In addition to TR & Jackson, I'd put Tyler & B. Harrison in as dark horses. Both were veteran Indian fighters with lots of battlefield experience. And forget Grant....he was a drunk & a blowhard.

[Harold Tuttle]

i know for a fact that JFK was an effective zombie dispatcher

[lee n. field]

But, at 11.5 mph on Roosevelt's chair? He could play dodge and weave for the first 3/4s of the fight and let everyone tire themselves out, then swoop in for the clean up kills.

Until his battery craps out, or someone tips him over.

My money is on Carter being the first out, with Regan doing the honors.

[birdman]

Okay extend battle royale to ALL leaders of all countries throughout history.

Who says Alexander vs. ghengis in the finals?

[kgbsquirrel]

*knife criticism*

I'm partial to the V-42 Stiletto. It's based on the Fairbairn-Sykes, which is also a very nice fighting blade.

[BlueStarLizzard]

Top 3 in my book (no particular order):
1. Teddy Roosevelt
2. G Washington
3. Andrew Jackson

This. I honestly can't really see how Honest Abe is a forrunner. I'm mean, top ten, sure, but not the top three.

Washington or Tayler would/could beat out Abe.

James Buchanan. I’m going to put it out there: I think he’d be picked on. I believe at least half of the presidents after his time would want to be the guy to murder Buchanan. Dead early, and his corpse would be stabbed a few times to makes sure, and only Harriet Lane –his niece– is left to mourn him.

But it was commentary like this that makes that whole blog.  
that and the one about Tylar with "Who was that guy and why is Jackson wearing his scalp as a beret?"

[Lee]

As they say, "the winner of a knife fight dies last".  I'd go with Teddy R.

The John Q. Adams description is funny as hell though.