« previous next »
Pages: [1]

Author Topic: Classy insults  (Read 1894 times)

Monkeyleg

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,589
  • Tattaglia is a pimp.
    • http://www.gunshopfinder.com
Classy insults
« on: August 24, 2006, 01:06:41 PM »
When Insults had Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
 
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
 

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill
 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
 

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
 

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde And finally--
 
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
 
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one. " - Winston Churchill, in reply
Report to moderator   Logged

Monkeyleg

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,589
  • Tattaglia is a pimp.
    • http://www.gunshopfinder.com
Classy insults
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2006, 01:14:45 PM »
Churchill had some other good zingers as well:

Lady something-or-other: "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!"

"Yes, Lady Something-or-other, and you are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober."

Another Lady something-or-other: "Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
Report to moderator   Logged

Brad Johnson

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 18,118
  • Witty, charming, handsome, and completely insane.
Classy insults
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2006, 01:22:34 PM »
Quote
- Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

- "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

(snort ... snark ... giggle ...)

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Brad
Report to moderator   Logged
It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
-HankB

Iain

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3,490
Classy insults
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2006, 01:23:38 PM »
I like the line about having already established what a woman is and now it's just haggling about the price.
Report to moderator   Logged
I do not like, when with me play, and I think that you also

Guest

  • Guest
Classy insults
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2006, 03:44:55 PM »
The poisoned tea comment was directed at Lady Astor.
______________

George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night of one of his plays to Winston Churchill with the following note: 'Bring a friend, if you have one.'

Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused himself as he had a previous engagement. He also attached the following: 'Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one.'
Report to moderator   Logged

Perd Hapley

  • Superstar of the Internet
  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 61,484
  • My prepositions are on/in
Classy insults
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2006, 04:55:39 PM »
Quote from: Monkeyleg
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
I've heard that one few times, but always attributed to Twain.
Report to moderator   Logged
"Doggies are angel babies!" -- my wife

Monkeyleg

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,589
  • Tattaglia is a pimp.
    • http://www.gunshopfinder.com
Classy insults
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2006, 05:38:12 PM »
Fistful, that's what I recall as well.

Maybe these are more internet legends.

You have to admit, though, they're pretty snappy comebacks.

I've used a few variations of some myself, and with great pleasure.
Report to moderator   Logged

Guest

  • Guest
Classy insults
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2006, 07:13:32 PM »
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction". --Albert Einstein


"He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." -- Albert Einstein


"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? " -- Albert Einstein

"In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself. "  -- Albert Einstein


"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. " -- Albert Einstein
Report to moderator   Logged

JAlexander

  • friend
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 203
Classy insults
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2006, 07:24:04 PM »
Quote from: Monkeyleg
Lady something-or-other:
Lady Astor, as I recall.

This has always been one of my favorites:  "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." -  W. C. Fields

For those who like such surliness, I recommend The Portable Curmudgeon.

James
Report to moderator   Logged

K Frame

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 44,552
  • I Am Inimical
Classy insults
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2006, 08:57:48 PM »
Another Churchillian quote...

In reference to the pious, pompous, Sir Stafford Cripps...

"There, but for the grace of God, goes God."


Talking about Spanish troops facing Americans during the Span-Am war... "I make no reflection on their courage, but they are well-versed in the art of retreat."

On the Italians siding with the Nazis... "It's only fair. We had to have them in the last war."
Report to moderator   Logged
Carbon Monoxide, sucking the life out of idiots, 'tards, and fools since man tamed fire.

Northwoods

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 8,369
  • Formerly sumpnz
Classy insults
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2006, 09:17:42 PM »
Quote
This has always been one of my favorites:  "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." -  W. C. Fields
"There is no racial bigotry here.  We do not hate niggers, kikes, spics, wops, or greasers.  Here you are all equally worthless."  Gunnery Sargent Hartman, Full Metal Jacket.
Report to moderator   Logged
Formerly sumpnz

Bogie

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 10,261
  • Hunkered in South St. Louis, right by Route 66
    • Third Rate Pundit
Classy insults
« Reply #11 on: August 25, 2006, 07:26:03 PM »
While dealing with a resident who kept pulling boneheaded crap during the treatment of Bogie's girlfriend...
 
"So, just how long ago did you graduate from the University of Grenada Med School?"

And the winner...

Resident: "So, do you have any idea why you are so anemic?"
 
Bogie's girlfriend: "Well, duh, could it be all this heparin I'm getting during recovery from major abodominal surgery, and the fact that I'm on my period? Aren't you the doctor? If you can't figure this out, we need to pay someone else!"
 
We didn't see him after that one...
Report to moderator   Logged
Blog under construction

Guest

  • Guest
Classy insults
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2006, 01:34:14 AM »
fistful: "I've heard that one few times, but always attributed to Twain."

Odd how often that happens.  The statistics quote is actually Twain quoting Disraeli and HE SAYS SO in the correct version of it.

P.
Report to moderator   Logged

matis

  • friend
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 391
Classy insults
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2006, 04:08:39 AM »
"One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."   Einstein





matis
Report to moderator   Logged
Si vis pacem; para bellum.

MicroBalrog

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,505
Classy insults
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2006, 05:00:43 AM »
Posterity will ne'er survey
A nobler scene than this.
Here lie the bones of Castlereagh.
Stop traveller, and piss.

Byron
Report to moderator   Logged
Destroy The Enemy in Hand-to-Hand Combat.

"...tradition and custom becomes intertwined and are a strong coercion which directs the society upon fixed lines, and strangles liberty. " ~ William Graham Sumner

Monkeyleg

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,589
  • Tattaglia is a pimp.
    • http://www.gunshopfinder.com
Classy insults
« Reply #15 on: August 26, 2006, 01:08:08 PM »
Not exactly an insult, but it was the remark that got Groucho Marx's show pulled from television.

Groucho was asking a guest the usual questions: job, family, etc. The guest replied that he had eight children.

"Eight children?" Groucho remarked.

"Well, I love my wife," the guest replied.

"I love my cigar, too," Groucho quipped, "but I take it out of my mouth once in awhile."
Report to moderator   Logged
Pages: [1]
« previous next »