Author Topic: If you spoke for 3 hours a day... (Read 3210 times)

Perd Hapley · « **on:** August 29, 2006, 08:59:35 AM »

Talk-show mishaps:

I was listening to one of my favorite guys today, and he was ranting about welfare. "We gave them a fish instead of teaching them to fish," he said. Then continued, "We gave them the butter, instead of teaching them to slaughter the cow to the get the butter." I'm no farm boy, but even I know there's something wrong with that.

K Frame · « **Reply #1 on:** August 29, 2006, 09:01:08 AM »

I think that proves quite nicely that there are 'tards on both sides of the house.

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #2 on:** August 29, 2006, 09:38:55 AM »

No, it just means that if you shoot your mouth off on the radio for three hours a day, you're likely to let it outrun the brain from time to time. I'm sure he knows better.

El Tejon · « **Reply #3 on:** August 29, 2006, 09:39:31 AM »

Don't you have to kill the cow in order to remove the butter gland where the cow produces its butter?

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #4 on:** August 29, 2006, 09:52:33 AM »

Of course.

grampster · « **Reply #5 on:** August 29, 2006, 12:09:23 PM »

Ha ha, I heard him say that too, fist. Ha ha. Well, he does say that he is right 98 point something percent of the time. We just saw the other 1.something percent.

Although you could theoretically kill the cow and get butter.

crt360 · « **Reply #6 on:** August 29, 2006, 12:20:44 PM »

Quote from: El Tejon

Don't you have to kill the cow in order to remove the butter gland where the cow produces its butter?

I think it's easier to squeeze the butter out while they're still alive.

Jamisjockey · « **Reply #7 on:** August 29, 2006, 12:37:15 PM »

Just remember....the cow is the one with the horns. They really like to be milked, and will probably follow you around like a puppy dog after you milk them...

Brad Johnson · « **Reply #8 on:** August 29, 2006, 01:03:51 PM »

Both cows and bulls have horns. There are only a handfull of breeds which are naturally polled (horn-less).

Most cattle that don't have horns (either gender) were de-horned as calves.

Brad

JAlexander · « **Reply #9 on:** August 29, 2006, 01:15:08 PM »

I was gonna share this with y'all anyway, but this is the most perfect set-up ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_2l6Y3nh5g

James

Azrael256 · « **Reply #10 on:** August 29, 2006, 04:40:04 PM »

Quote

Just remember....the cow is the one with the horns.

I had an uncle who was very much a Bostonian. VERY much. He came to visit one time, and thought all this farm stuff was pretty quaint. He didn't want to get within less than about 50 feet of any bovine with horns as he was convinced that it was a bull and would smear him like a rookie matador. Grandad explained the difference, but he didn't seem to grasp it until it got to be castration time, and then he got the hint. He also got sick. The bulls... uh, steers certainly shared his sentiment.

Anyway, later we were walking back through the pasture, and my dad told him to watch out for the cowpies. He replied, "what's a cowpie?" Bear in mind that "smartass" is actually a genetic disorder carried most often by the Y chromosome. You guys know me, so you can guess about dad.

"What's a cowpie?!? A COWPIE?!? Good lord, don't they have pie where you come from?!? Taste one, idjit!"

So, after being instructed to pick a nice fresh one, "like that one right there," he reached down and grabbed a big handful of gooey... well, you know. Dad managed to keep a straight face, but the "riding the joke to the bitter end" gene is evidently a generation-skipping disorder. Grandad and I lost it.

Grandad always said that a smarter man wouldn't have married my aunt.

Headless Thompson Gunner · « **Reply #11 on:** August 29, 2006, 05:53:22 PM »

Quote from: Azrael256

Grandad always said that a smarter man wouldn't have married my aunt.

That's awfully harsh for a father to say about his daughter...

Mabs2 · « **Reply #12 on:** August 29, 2006, 07:17:16 PM »

Quote from: El Tejon

Don't you have to kill the cow in order to remove the butter gland where the cow produces its butter?

Wrong.
You kill the cow to let the butter fairies know you mean business. That's when you increase the trade blockade around their kingdom, and raize a few of their wayward settlements.
Then you demand tribute...in butter.
If they refuse, kill more cows.

mfree · « **Reply #13 on:** August 30, 2006, 05:45:03 AM »

Was that Savage? That sounds like how he talks, seems like something he'd say, too.

Waitone · « **Reply #14 on:** August 30, 2006, 06:15:48 AM »

Far too many idiots have unrestricted access to the voting booth.

Far too many idiots have unrestricted access to an AM microphone.

You decide which is more dangerous.

richyoung · « **Reply #15 on:** August 30, 2006, 06:39:48 AM »

Quote from: Waitone

You decide which is more dangerous.

The ones that vote "Democrat" - especially the dead ones, the illegal alien ones, the race horses, coon dogs, and the ones that never existed. Expecially around Chicago, New York, Texas, Missouri, parts of Florida....

Mabs2 · « **Reply #16 on:** August 30, 2006, 06:44:03 AM »

Quote from: mfree

Was that Savage?

I dunno, maybe.
It wouldn't be like this if the faires hadn't attacked our butter mines back a few hundred years ago.

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #17 on:** August 30, 2006, 07:21:51 AM »

Quote from: mfree

Was that Savage? That sounds like how he talks, seems like something he'd say, too.

Goodness gracious, no. I said one of my favorites, and he isn't even close. I prefer conservatives, not screaming hotheads whose only principle is rage. I think Savage is too much of a gourmet/nutritionist/ethnobotanist to make such a mistake.

Sergeant Bob · « **Reply #18 on:** August 30, 2006, 09:05:31 AM »

Quote

So, after being instructed to pick a nice fresh one, "like that one right there," he reached down and grabbed a big handful of gooey... well, you know.

Bulls!t?

...has left the building. · « **Reply #19 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:46:41 PM »

He was probably reading vegan/PETA "literature"...

Azrael256 · « **Reply #20 on:** August 30, 2006, 01:02:17 PM »

Quote

That's awfully harsh for a father to say about his daughter...

Maybe, but bear in mind that you never met my aunt. She was a good person, it was just really, really hard to tell.

News:

Author Topic: If you spoke for 3 hours a day... (Read 3210 times)

...has left the building.