Do Not Commit SuicideA review of Dave Williams'
What To Do If You Miss the Rapture: 15 Survival Tactics (Decapolis Publishing, 1998)
I apologize to the reader that this will not be a fully-orbed review - chiefly because this book is not meant for people who do a great deal of reading. Instead of telling you about the whole book, though, I want to skip right to the meat of it. The fifteen survival tips are what you sinners are going to need to know, after we Christians are raptured out of here. If you want all of them, you'll need to buy the book (and I have one copy here, for the very reasonable price of $320.00). Now many of the tips in this book were first brought to our attention by the great minds of the past. Here are the most important ones:
The first one I'd like to share with you bears the obvious influence of the famous apocalypse expert Dwight K. Schrute.
10. Do not, under any circumstances, align with the one world leader.
Number fourteen was widely publicized by the NRA's Charlton Heston.
14. Be prepared to suffer immeasurably
"Liquidation" facilities will be operating 24 hours a day...These liquidation camps will be where those who have professed faith in Christ during the Tribulation period will be killed. I believe their bodies will be used for food. It sounds like a science fiction horror movie, but food will become so scarce, human "meat" will be eaten.
Number 9 bears the influence of the venerable Phineas Barnum.
Before the Rapture, get as many copies of this book as possible.
Number 2 is borrowed from the celebrated military philosopher, Captain Obvious.
2. Do not commit suicide.
Most survival handbooks (whether rapture-oriented or not) miss this vital point, but if you want to not die, it actually is best to NOT kill yourself.
"But fistful," you ask, "how am I to know if Rapture is imminent?" Mr. Williams lists several signs. Chief among them are these:
Meteorites with long vapor trails will scream across the skies, further dissolving the protective ozone layer.
Two hundred million demonic beings in the form of tormenting insects will be released from hell, whose bites will cause worse pain than any pain thus far known to man...Man will wish to die, but death will take a holiday.
Allow me to reiterate that I have available a copy of this invaluable book, at a very reasonable price. Once the rapture takes place, I will not be available to ship it to you. Buy now!
