Author Topic: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat  (Read 1809 times)

gunsmith

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Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« on: January 08, 2007, 04:28:46 AM »
I am sure you guys/gals have seen this b4 but the Utah dog ban
reminded me of the power of cats.


Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Politicians and bureaucrats are considered productive if they swarm the populace like a plague of locust, devouring all substance in their path and leaving a swath of destruction like a firestorm. The technical term is "bipartisanship".
Rocket Man: "The need for booster shots for the immunized has always been based on the science.  Political science, not medical science."

Lee

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2007, 01:27:25 PM »
How true.  I love it.

cosine

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2007, 02:09:45 PM »


I'm going to have to get a dog someday.
Andy

Perd Hapley

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2007, 02:16:40 PM »
Sounds just like my cat.   angry
"Doggies are angel babies!" -- my wife

Ben

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2007, 02:32:39 PM »
LOL! Great first post Levercaster - welcome!
"I'm a foolish old man that has been drawn into a wild goose chase by a harpy in trousers and a nincompoop."

cosine

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2007, 05:22:28 PM »
Nice pic Levercaster! Welcome to APS.
Andy

gunsmith

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2007, 06:39:49 PM »
levercaster, great pic! welcome!
Politicians and bureaucrats are considered productive if they swarm the populace like a plague of locust, devouring all substance in their path and leaving a swath of destruction like a firestorm. The technical term is "bipartisanship".
Rocket Man: "The need for booster shots for the immunized has always been based on the science.  Political science, not medical science."

CAnnoneer

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2007, 08:59:43 AM »
They are both filthy smelly animals of limited utility. Kinda like many people... Hehehehe.

Sindawe

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2007, 09:02:25 AM »
Quote
They are both filthy smelly animals of limited utility.
Eh, matter of opinion.  What cats bury, dogs eat.
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.

Perd Hapley

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2007, 10:44:46 AM »
The propensity of cats (and some dogs) to find and eat pestilential rodents on their owners' land, outbuildings and homes can be very useful to some people. 

DOGs of limited utility?  Surely you jest. 
"Doggies are angel babies!" -- my wife

gunsmith

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2007, 06:18:29 PM »
my friend had a dog that was a great ratter.
Politicians and bureaucrats are considered productive if they swarm the populace like a plague of locust, devouring all substance in their path and leaving a swath of destruction like a firestorm. The technical term is "bipartisanship".
Rocket Man: "The need for booster shots for the immunized has always been based on the science.  Political science, not medical science."

matis

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2007, 06:55:03 AM »
Very funny post, Gunsmith.  Certainly true about the dog.


My last dog, an Alaskan Malamute died on Nov 11 at age 13.  He had brought joy to my life for the last 10 years.

Jan 3, the GF and I drove 1300 miles round trip to the grand metropolis of Fayetteville, TN to get another mal out of their kill shelter.

He looked great in the photos, but he turns out to be a big bum -- a very bad boy!  About a year old, he started out by fighting everything I wanted him to do.  And he marks (pees) in the house.  So far, he's been an outside dog and I want an inside dog.  He weighs 50 lbs less than my Zeudi (last dog), looks different, and has terrible manners.  So I was going to repost him on the Mal rescue network as an outside dog.

However, I committed a few fatal errors: I walked him, fed him, struggled him into his crate at night, visited him on the back deck, walked him, fed him, struggled and wrestled with him to get him to do what I wanted him to, visited him on the back deck, loved him up (and he reciprocated).

Did I mention wrestled with him about everything I wanted him to do?

Oh, yea -- and LOTS of wrestling.  And though he's lighter than Zeudi, he's still a big boy at 80 lbs -- as tall as I am when he rears up.

Don't forget the wrestling.

But he's getting better.  My right arm is nearly back into it's socket now (he pulls like a locomotive on walks).


My fatal error(s) led to the usual result:  I fell in love with him.


He came with the name, Montana, so that's who he is for now. 

Montana is actually a sweet dog, wants only to be with us.  Just a little unruly.

He's MY dog, now.

Anyone HAVE EXPERIENCE with a good dog-training book.

Montana WILL become an inside dog.  I'm even more stubborn than he is.

But I could sure use some help with training him. And I'm gong to do it myself.  Too cheap to pay a trainer.



Also it is well known that pets promote health and well-being in their owners (see article below):

__________________________________________
How a dog's life can make you happier
By Martin Hodgson
Published: 22 January 2007

If you are looking for a healthier life, get a dog. Scientists have long believed that the companionship of a pet can be good for you, but new research suggests that dog owners are physically healthier than cat owners.

According to Deborah Wells from Queen's University, Belfast, dog owners tend to have lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels, possibly thanks to regular walks with their four-legged friends.

Writing in the British Journal of Health Psychology, Dr Wells said that dog owners appear to suffer from fewer minor ailments as well as fewer serious medical problems.

In a review of dozens of previous studies, Dr Wells found that dogs also seem to aid recovery from serious illnesses, such as heart attacks. One study published in 1995 found that dog owners were more likely, by about 8.6 per cent, to be alive one year after a heart attack than those who do not own a dog.

Dr Wells said: "It is possible that dogs can directly promote our well-being by buffering us from stress. The ownership of a dog can also lead to increases in physical activity and facilitate the development of social contacts, which may enhance physiological and psychological human health in a more indirect manner."

One British study found that the presence of a dog can help chronically ill children endure potentially painful medical procedures.

With their heightened sense of smell, dogs also appear to be able to sniff out malignant melanomas, a kind of cancer, or the onset of low blood sugar in diabetics, research suggests.

A study in Israel, meanwhile, suggested that pets can help people with schizophrenia to feel calmer and more motivated.
_______________________________________


That last line probably better explains why I love him.


Gotta go get my arm set back into it's socket, now.

See ya,


matis
Si vis pacem; para bellum.

Jamisjockey

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2007, 07:06:48 AM »
Pets are also an excellent tool for teaching ones spawn about responsiblity and life.
JD

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2007, 09:01:09 AM »
"Our cat", meaning I take care of it, is an excellent hunter of chipmunks.
I do not smoke pot, wear Wookie suits, live in my mom's basement, collect unemployment checks or eat Cheetoes, therefore I am not a Ron Paul voter.

gunsmith

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2007, 09:20:58 AM »
matis.

I wish I could help you out, some friends of mine like the dog whisperer book.
Cats and dogs generally train me, not vice a versa
Politicians and bureaucrats are considered productive if they swarm the populace like a plague of locust, devouring all substance in their path and leaving a swath of destruction like a firestorm. The technical term is "bipartisanship".
Rocket Man: "The need for booster shots for the immunized has always been based on the science.  Political science, not medical science."

matis

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Re: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
« Reply #15 on: January 22, 2007, 10:21:20 AM »
matis.

I wish I could help you out, some friends of mine like the dog whisperer book.
"Cats and dogs generally train me, not vice a versa"
[/b]


Yes, Gunsmith, I'm finding out with this boy.  I like to think I'm training him, but I have a sneaking hunch it's not going all one way.

I had an Airedale terrier in dog obedience class once.  The trainer kept saying to me, "matis, when you tell the dog to "sit" once, you're training him to sit.  When you tell him to "sit" 4-5-6 times, you're training him to COUNT!"


You're the 3rd person to suggest that book.  I'll look into it and maybe buy it.  One thing I want to avoid, though, is the current, politically correct idea that only pure love is necessary to train an animal. 

I believe it requires positive AND negative reinforcement.   Ever watch dog or cat or wolf or most mammal mothers discipline their offspring?  A nip here and there sure gets their displeasure across, doesn't it?

Anyway, all I needed was one more project.  Now I have it.

Thank you very much for responding,

matis

Si vis pacem; para bellum.