My brother-in-law died just after midnight on September 17, after fighting for over 18 months with testicular cancer. He was 34 years old.
I didn't get to know him all that well before he got sick, because he lived in Florida. I saw him maybe a half dozen times before he found out he had cancer. After he knew, he moved back up to northern Virginia, so his mother could help take care of him. I had a feeling he was not going to recover, even though TC is relatively treatable from what I understand. The reason I didn't think he was going to recover was because he waited a long time before going to the hospital, ignoring the pain. In fact, it was his roommate who insisted upon taking him. So by the time it was diagnosed, his cancer was fairly advanced.
He lived with us (BrokenMa and me) for a month after he got out of the hospital the first time, because he couldn't go up and down stairs at all, and his mom lives in a third-floor walk-up. After that, we visited him regularly. So I got to know him pretty well during his last year and a half. BrokenMa, of course, has known him all his life, because he was her little brother.
The viewing was this past Thursday evening, and I went both out of respect for him and as support for my wife and her family. I noticed something there; there was a lot of praying going on, but there was no feeling in it at all. This group of people (most of them extended family and pretty much all of them Catholic) was standing around repeating the "Hail Mary" prayer over and over, so fast that the words weren't even intelligible.
Friday was the funeral, and it was led by a pastor of some protestant sect (I don't know which -- I met the guy on the day of the viewing -- but he wasn't Catholic). Three people spoke at the funeral: The pastor, BrokenMa, and the father-in-law of the deceased's older brother. Two of the speakers are devoutly Christian, and one (my lady-wife) is pagan.
The thing that struck me about the whole situation was how...empty all of the Christians there seemed to be. The pastor made mention that the deceased had accepted Jesus as his Personal Saviour and Lord some few days before he passed, and told the assembled people that his place in heaven was assured. Then he went on to tell us all how the Lord would provide for us "in this terrible hour of crushing need". That's a word-for-word quote, by the way. The other man who spoke told us that we'd all better find Jesus, or else we'd never see the deceased again.
BrokenMa spoke about her brother, about how he was an amazing artist, and a musician, and a loving person, who took care of people and animals. She talked about his ability at landscaping, and his wit and wisdom. She talked about who he was before he became sick, and reminded us to remember him like that instead of remembering him wasted away and in pain, the way he was on that final night as we stood around him in his last moments.
The difference in philosophy was astounding; neither of the men who spoke said a thing about the life of the deceased, except insofar as to announce that he was Right with God. Neither of them spoke about who he had been, reminding people that he was once a person with brilliant ability and talent; they only spoke of how terrible everyone must feel now that he's gone.
I am not trying to bash Christianity here; I'm truly wondering. When I was Christian (10 years of my life), death as a concept was not frightening to me because I believed I knew where I was going, and my everyday faith was full of feeling. Now, I'm no longer a Christian, and I still do not fear death, because I believe that it is a part of the natural cycle, as much as birth is.
What I don't understand is, if one's faith is not a comfort, what point is it to believe? And if talking to your God cannot evoke profound feeling in your heart, why would you bother?
The Christians at the viewing and the funeral seemed completely lost at this man's death, and yet they're the ones who believe that (as a result of the faith he professed and that they share) he is in Paradise, now. Those of us pagans at the services seemed much more able to cope with his passing, even though we personally think more in terms of reincarnation and another trip 'round the path.
As I say, I am not trying to bash. I am trying to understand. Thoughts?
Namaste,
-BP