Author Topic: Am I that selfish?  (Read 2764 times)

Aaryq

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Am I that selfish?
« on: October 05, 2008, 11:17:06 PM »
Howdy, folks.
I don't post here too often, I'm more of a THR kind of guy but I've got a problem that THR can't handle (or someone would lock the thread before I could get an answer.

A little background:
I'm a proud father of 2 little girls.  Very proud.  When my wife and I got married, we planned on 3 kids and financially, and paitence-wise, 3 kids is the limit for our family pending immaculate conception.  Well a few months ago we found out my wife was pregnant with our 3rd bundle of joy.  The wife and I were praying and wanting a boy.  She had her reasons but mine were simple.  My name stops at me.  I'm the last of my line to carry on the name.  Once I'm gone, my last name goes with me...technically my 1/2 brother will carry on the name but he's almost twice my age and has no intentions on having kids (aside from his girlfriend/fiancee (maybe)'s son) and even if he did, he's from my mother's stock and only has my last name because he had it changed. 

Sorry to burden you with all of this but I have not very many areas to vent about this.  As a small child of maybe 8 years old, I've always envisioned my immortality by having a son to carry on my name by this mantra:  "If your name is carried through history, your are carried through history."  Now...DO NOT GET ME WRONG:  I LOVE MY LITTLE GIRLS.  But I'm really bummed that my name stops at me.  And that makes me feel really selfish that I just can't be happy to know that I have 2 healthy girls and another in the womb who should be really healthy.  Especially since I can't support a 4th try.  After the 3rd baby (we've yet to come up with a name but ideas are welcomed) is born, I'm getting a vasectomy to ensure there aren't any deployment babies in our future. 

Thanks for listening (reading),
Aaryq
2ND HALF OF THE 3RD VERSE OF THE MARINES HYMN
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mtnbkr

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2008, 11:24:07 PM »
Names aren't important.  Only your genetics and values, which get pass along regardless of the sex, are all that matter.

My name will likely stop with me (two girls and no plans for more).  Can't say I'm bothered at all.  My genes (as faulty as they are) and values will be passed along either way.  Besides, my great grandfather was adopted, hardly a long lived dynasty here...

Chris

zahc

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2008, 11:27:41 PM »
What's in a name?
Maybe a rare occurence, but then you only have to get murdered once to ruin your whole day.
--Tallpine

Grandpa Shooter

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2008, 11:34:51 PM »
You are correct in that historically a family was brought honor by sons, and when hard times hit, a son was considered an asset.  Sons could take on much of the hard labor which was required for survival while girls were a liability since when betrothed, the family was expected to provide a dowry.  The only real advantage to having female children was that by marrying one off to a well situated family some advantage might be gained through a marriage "alliance".

That no longer applies in today's society in this country.  That being said, my brother and I have the same problem.  He has two sons and I have one.  None of them appear to be inclined to have children.  That would mean the family name stops with us.  That used to bother me but no longer does simply because it is something over which I have no control.  Neither do you.  Even if you had a son, there is no guarantee he would marry, have sons and their sons would have sons and so forth.  

Accept that you have a loving wife and two beautiful girls.  Let the rest of it take care of itself.

Perd Hapley

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2008, 12:09:00 AM »
Nevermind.

Mike, if you were replying to my comments, consider them withdrawn. 
« Last Edit: October 06, 2008, 12:30:16 AM by Mr. Tactical-pants »
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K Frame

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2008, 12:16:48 AM »
Count yourself blessed and fortunate you *($)(^)($#)_*&$%^_)*(.

It becoming more and more apparent that I'm never going to have a family.
Carbon Monoxide, sucking the life out of idiots, 'tards, and fools since man tamed fire.

Aaryq

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2008, 01:11:54 AM »
I thank you all for pointing out the obvious...especially you, grandpa.  I'm not being sarcastic.  The obvious answer was right there in my face and I paid no attention to it.  I have 2 lovely girls and a third on the way.  I just need to put my old ways aside and raise them up to be a reflection of me.  So they don't have my name...as long as everyone will know by the way they act that they're my kin (in a good way of course) I've done the right thing, right?  Thanks for helping me out, folks.  More input is also appreciated and we're out of girls' names....
We'd like to keep it a cultural or biblical name.
Dad's line:
African and Pawnee (running the risk of sounding racist, I'd prefer these 2 cultures not be considered in naming...kids growing up in mostly midwestern areas, mixed family...I've been made fun of myself, and don't want the kiddo to feel the same so we decided on western names)
German
Scottish
Finnish
Mom's Line:
Welsh
German
Old Virginian "Aristocracy" (Rich Genteel former plantation owners)
2ND HALF OF THE 3RD VERSE OF THE MARINES HYMN
"If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines."

De Selby

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2008, 02:10:46 AM »
Why not give your last name to one of the girls, and ask her to pass it on, at least as a middle name, to her children?
"Human existence being an hallucination containing in itself the secondary hallucinations of day and night (the latter an insanitary condition of the atmosphere due to accretions of black air) it ill becomes any man of sense to be concerned at the illusory approach of the supreme hallucination known as death."

Perd Hapley

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2008, 02:14:42 AM »
Not a bad suggestion. 
"Doggies are angel babies!" -- my wife

roo_ster

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2008, 10:21:44 AM »
SS's idea is good.

Also, it seems you, your spouse, & your kiddos are of the finest breeding every to be found on Earth:
The American Mutt.

John Winger: Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell's the matter with you?! Stupid! We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts! Here's proof: his nose is cold! But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw "Old Yeller?" Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end?
[raises his hand]
John Winger: *sarcastically* Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure.
[hands are reluctantly raised]
John Winger: I cried my eyes out. So we're all dogfaces, we're all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us - we're soldiers. But we're American soldiers! We've been kicking ass for 200 years! We're 10 and 1! Now we don't have to worry about whether or not we practiced. We don't have to worry about whether Captain Stillman wants to have us hung. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting soldier that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud.
Regards,

roo_ster

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hso

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2008, 10:31:36 AM »
As you've realized new children allow us to embrace new ideas, not only could the girls carry on the name as a middle name to pass on, there's no reason that by the time they marry that they wouldn't keep your family name to pass on to their children (if a like minded fella comes along).

Balog

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2008, 10:51:51 AM »
I want kids, but having met the people who I share a name with I have no real desire to continue that name. Don't get me wrong, I want kids and I'm hardly going to change their name. It's just that "carrying on my name" is the very last thing I care about.
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Tallpine

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2008, 11:40:39 AM »
You could always have your wife beheaded and find someone who will give you a son :P

Or name your daughter "Elizabeth" - maybe she will be president one day ;)
Freedom is a heavy load, a great and strange burden for the spirit to undertake. It is not easy. It is not a gift given, but a choice made, and the choice may be a hard one. The road goes upward toward the light; but the laden traveller may never reach the end of it.  - Ursula Le Guin

mtnbkr

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #13 on: October 06, 2008, 11:47:32 AM »
FWIW, a good friend of mine was so disgusted by his dad (long story, but it was justified, I've known them both since HS), he took his Wife's name when they got married. 

Chris

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #14 on: October 06, 2008, 12:09:57 PM »
FWIW, a good friend of mine was so disgusted by his dad (long story, but it was justified, I've known them both since HS), he took his Wife's name when they got married. 
I used to work with a guy who didn't like his parents, and his fiancee didn't like her parents, and so in the interest of carrying on neither family name, they picked a new last name and both changed to it when they got married.

Aaryq,  it sounds like you've gotten the answer you were looking for; a legacy of values is more meaningful than a legacy that is, ultimately, nothing more than a string of letters.

-BP
Seek out wisdom in books, rare manuscripts, and cryptic poems if you will, but seek it also in simple stones and fragile herbs and in the cries of wild birds. Listen to the song of the wind and the roar of water if you would discover magic, for it is here that the old secrets are still preserved.

Ex-MA Hole

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Re: Am I that selfish?
« Reply #15 on: October 06, 2008, 12:37:54 PM »
I'm the last one with my name, too.

We have one girl, and were planning on having a second.

Right now, finances and "other" stuff may not allow for that.

Oh well.  I have a beautiful little girl. 

I am the luckiest man alive.
One day at a time.