And in that case I actually used a bolt stretch gauge rather than a set torque to get exactly the deformation they called for.
Agreed.
If the torque matters, pick a lube like moly, get the proper bolt stretch. If doing many of the same bolt you can derive a torque from the process of getting that stretch, check the stretch at that torque and move on torquing to whatever foot-lbs. value gave you that stretch. If you are building a race motor how about check the stretch on every one. If you prefer to torque in Newton-meters please move to Quebec and buy a beret.
Now, general passenger car stuff it really doesn't matter in most cases unless the bolt falls out or you strip the threads. A generic torque value based on bolt size, pitch, and material tightening into will suffice.
If it doesn't need Loctite then it needs anti-seize. Anti-seize on the taper of any bearing surface like a tapered allen screw or a lugnut will aid in the fastener coming back off again. If you really don't want it to fall off safety wire it or use a deformed tab washer or something.
Back to torques that matter, lube on the bearing surface of the bolt and washer is just as critical as on the threads, as is lube types. Like I said before, any critical torque I'm around uses moly in an oil carrier. Torques that specify dry torque are pissing in the wind as far as I'm concerned. If an engineer thinks lube will make too much clamping force then they should have specified a lower, with lube torque. The friction of a dry torque is too variable to mean anything. Bolt stretch is what loads the ramps of the thread against each other and holds the bolt in, torque lost in friction really leaves you not knowing what actual load you have on the fastener. If an engineer really cared they would tell you what lube, what bolt stretch. Anything less is an arbitrary number.
In the end common sense must prevail. If you can't develop a good feel for what you are tightening I am sure your local mechanic can and would love the business. That flared fitting seals on the flare, not by your monkey humping it with an 18" wrench. Go ahead and torque away on that sparkplug in an aluminum cylinder head. See what it gets you. In 15 years of airplane fixing(5 of that QA), 20+ car fixing, and a lifetime spent working on fast race cars since age 5 I have seen way too many cases of too tight than too loose. When I was 7 I was snapping off 3/8" grade 8 bolts tightening them because I didn't want a bolt to fall out of Daddy's race car.