Author Topic: A bit of Canadian humor  (Read 3611 times)

BryanP

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A bit of Canadian humor
« on: October 22, 2009, 09:31:22 PM »
This was forwarded to me by a Quebecois friend. 




Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter
Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!


Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (
USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions..

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs..

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?
( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget
its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first..


Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will
enjoy it as much as I did.
"Inaccurately attributed quotes are the bane of the internet" - Abraham Lincoln

S. Williamson

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2009, 12:38:46 AM »
In the immortal word of LawDog, <gigglesnort>.   =D
Quote
"The chances of finding out what's really going on are so remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied. I'd far rather be happy than right any day."
"And are you?"
"No, that's where it all falls apart I'm afraid. Pity, it sounds like quite a nice lifestyle otherwise."
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Viking

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2009, 12:43:36 AM »
This appears to be a re-write of that old Q&A about Australia that went round the net before the Sydney Olympics. Still, quite funny :laugh:.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2009, 12:48:28 AM by Viking »
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Monkeyleg

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2009, 12:44:12 AM »
Thanks, I needed that! :D :D :D

Phyphor

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2009, 03:48:47 AM »
This appears to be a re-write of that old Q&A about Australia that went round the net before the Sydney Olympics. Still, quite funny :laugh:.


It is, there's no Drop Bears in Sweden.  :D
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280plus

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2009, 04:05:44 AM »
They have humor in Canada?
Avoid cliches like the plague!

Declaration Day

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2009, 07:20:18 AM »
They have humor in Canada?

Yes, but it's highly regulated and taxed at 50%.

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2009, 07:26:27 AM »
Ah, cuts it right down. Good for them!
Avoid cliches like the plague!

vaskidmark

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2009, 07:33:14 AM »
It's totally bogus.

Not one answer ends with "Eh?" (pronounced like the letter A).

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AJ Dual

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2009, 09:08:27 AM »
All my dealings with Canadians have been great. Really good folks.

We picked some very nice people to be "America's Hat"...
I promise not to duck.

Gewehr98

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2009, 12:24:33 PM »
Yup. 

I can attest that at a certain airshow in London, Ontario, Canada the native females can do the Daisy Duke fashion style proud!  =D

I know, I know, the thread is useless without pictures...
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AJ Dual

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2009, 12:44:42 PM »
Yup. 

I can attest that at a certain airshow in London, Ontario, Canada the native females can do the Daisy Duke fashion style proud!  =D

I know, I know, the thread is useless without pictures...

Here in WI the "Daisy Duke style"... it's more like this:



I promise not to duck.

S. Williamson

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2009, 12:49:23 PM »
Here in WI the "Daisy Duke style"... it's more like this:




Around here in Oklahoma it's a lot like this:

Quote
"The chances of finding out what's really going on are so remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied. I'd far rather be happy than right any day."
"And are you?"
"No, that's where it all falls apart I'm afraid. Pity, it sounds like quite a nice lifestyle otherwise."
-Douglas Adams

charby

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2009, 01:22:41 PM »
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget
its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Must have been answered by a snipe hunting guide.

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Jocassee

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2009, 01:45:51 PM »
Around here in Oklahoma it's a lot like this:



Hot and flaky?
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AJ Dual

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2009, 01:46:50 PM »
Hot and flaky?

No.. More as in: "Hey baby, have you got any butter for those rolls?"
I promise not to duck.

Gowen

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2009, 04:14:48 PM »
What's the difference between a Canadian and a boat?




A boat will tip. =D

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S. Williamson

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #17 on: October 23, 2009, 05:21:02 PM »
Hot and flaky?
I was thinking more along the lines if a clothing seam failed, it'd be like opening one of those... and the substance that comes out.  :laugh:
Quote
"The chances of finding out what's really going on are so remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied. I'd far rather be happy than right any day."
"And are you?"
"No, that's where it all falls apart I'm afraid. Pity, it sounds like quite a nice lifestyle otherwise."
-Douglas Adams

seeker_two

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Re: A bit of Canadian humor
« Reply #18 on: October 24, 2009, 07:48:02 AM »

They have humor in Canada?

Yes, but it's highly regulated and taxed at 50%.

....and, when a joke gets too old, it's health care is cut off....
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