Author Topic: High Tech Marketing.....  (Read 1707 times)

Jake

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High Tech Marketing.....
« on: March 06, 2005, 03:04:05 PM »
High Tech Marketing Buzzwords - What They Really Mean

NEW - Different color from previous design

ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with previous design

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand
it

IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming

FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distri-
butor

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works

REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitors

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does

DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others

MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix

RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...

PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty
period

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours

BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it

NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from
most airports

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before
worked THIS way

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit
together

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing
your check

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain

Declaration Day

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High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2005, 03:14:06 PM »
In the automotive indusrty:

NEW- We changed the grille.

RE-DESIGNED- We changed the headlights, taillights and gauges

ALL-NEW-  Sometimes true, but often used when a major overhaul (not a complete redesign) is done.

S. Williamson

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Re: High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2010, 04:58:28 PM »
TACTICAL: Painted black and added rails.

SPECIAL EDITION: Chintzy medallions on the grips make the gun cost twice as much.

COMMEMORATIVE: CEO's son came up with the idea and bad artwork.  We're sorry.  We really are.
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"And are you?"
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Scout26

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Re: High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2010, 05:04:28 PM »
NEW AND IMPROVED - It's neither, but we changed the color on the box it comes in.
Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.


Bring me my Broadsword and a clear understanding.
Get up to the roundhouse on the cliff-top standing.
Take women and children and bed them down.
Bless with a hard heart those that stand with me.
Bless the women and children who firm our hands.
Put our backs to the north wind.
Hold fast by the river.
Sweet memories to drive us on,
for the motherland.

Brad Johnson

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Re: High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2010, 05:58:56 PM »
MORE EFFICIENT CONSTRUCTION METHODS - We're no longer fighting to keep Chinese copies of our product off the market.  Now we're sourcing them because it's cheaper than building the real thing here.

Brad

It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
-HankB

230RN

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Re: High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2010, 06:58:28 PM »
NEW!  IMPROVED!  NOW WITH FOMATHIENE!

A barrel of fomathiene got into the batch somehow and we couldn't get it out.  ...Say, did the FDA ever get around to approving that stuff?  Maybe we could just call it an "inert ingredient..."  Or an "emulsifier" or "preservative" or something...

Terry, 230RN

(A fictional chemical I just made up.)


« Last Edit: April 24, 2010, 07:17:36 PM by 230RN »
WHATEVER YOUR DEFINITION OF "INFRINGE " IS, YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT.

Brad Johnson

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Re: High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2010, 07:06:39 PM »
Famothiene is highly reactive unless cased in cynillated obtusium.

Brad
It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
-HankB

Bogie

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Re: High Tech Marketing.....
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2010, 01:00:29 PM »
One size fits all...
 
except me.
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