Scientists Post Mathematical Formula for Ideal Handshake

[Ben]

Well it's about time. I'm tired of limp handshakes and people not making eye contact. Also I'm absolutely done with trying to figure out if someone is going for a fist-bump and every other weird-ass, complex set of maneuvers that's not a standard handshake.

EDIT: I have no idea why the formula is showing up as strike-through text.

---------------------
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/07/16/scientists-reveal-secrets-perfect-handshake/?test=latestnews

Scientists Reveal the Perfect Handshake

Scientists Thursday unveiled a step-by-step guide to an age-old custom the average person performs 15,000 times during their life -- the handshake.
fox news

Scientists Thursday unveiled a step-by-step guide to an age-old custom the average person performs 15,000 times during their life -- the handshake.

Researchers at the University of Manchester, in northern England, discovered that nearly one-in-five people questioned hated having to shake hands with the biggest complaints listed as sweaty palms, limp wrists, gripping too hard and lack of eye contact.

Professor Geoffrey Beattie, head of psychological sciences, devised the equation taking into account 12 key measures -- such as vigor, eye contact, hand temperature, positioning and length -- needed to convey respect and trust to the recipient.

He said: "The human handshake is one of the most crucial elements of impression formation and is used as a source of information for making a judgment about another person.

"A handshake reveals aspects of the personality of the person giving it -- for example, a soft handshake can indicate insecurity, whilst a quick-to-let-go handshake can suggest arrogance.”

Beattie’s guide to the perfect handshake applies to both men and women and reads: use the right hand; a complete grip and a firm squeeze (but not too strong); a cool and dry palm; approximately three shakes, with a medium level of vigor, held for no longer than two to three seconds.

The handshake must also be executed with eye contact kept throughout and a good natural smile with an appropriate verbal statement, according to the scientist.

The handshake has been a traditional greeting, a symbol of peace and a key part of business deals for thousands of years.

The formula:

PH = √ (e2 + ve2)(d2) + (cg + dr)2 + π{(4< s >2)(4<p>2)}2 + (vi + t + te)2 + {(4<c>2 )(4<du>2)}2

(e) is eye contact (1=none; 5=direct) 5; (ve) is verbal greeting (1=totally inappropriate; 5=totally appropriate) 5; (d) is Duchenne smile - smiling in eyes and mouth, plus symmetry on both sides of face, and slower offset (1=totally non-Duchenne smile (false smile); 5=totally Duchenne) 5; (cg) completeness of grip (1=very incomplete; 5=full) 5; (dr) is dryness of hand (1=damp; 5=dry) 4; (s) is strength (1= weak; 5=strong) 3; (p) is position of hand (1=back towards own body; 5=other person's bodily zone) 3; (vi) is vigour (1=too low/too high; 5=mid) 3; (t) is temperature of hands (1=too cold/too hot; 5=mid) 3; (te) is texture of hands (5=mid; 1=too rough/too smooth) 3; (c) is control (1=low; 5=high) 3; (du) is duration (1= brief; 5=long) 3.
  

[Monkeyleg]

I wonder what the formula would look like for sex on the first date?

[Zardozimo Oprah Bannedalas]

I don't shake hands. Most people use their right hand to wipe their rear, and few people wash their hands after doing so. I just wave and grimace.

[Perd Hapley]

EDIT: I have no idea why the formula is showing up as strike-through text.

There is a strike-out tag (< s >) about half-way into the formula. Here it is again, with spaces inserted.

    PH = √ (e2 + ve2)(d2) + (cg + dr)2 + π{(4< s >2)(4<p>2)}2 + (vi + t + te)2 + {(4<c>2 )(4<du>2)}2

    (e) is eye contact (1=none; 5=direct) 5; (ve) is verbal greeting (1=totally inappropriate; 5=totally appropriate) 5; (d) is Duchenne smile - smiling in eyes and mouth, plus symmetry on both sides of face, and slower offset (1=totally non-Duchenne smile (false smile); 5=totally Duchenne) 5; (cg) completeness of grip (1=very incomplete; 5=full) 5; (dr) is dryness of hand (1=damp; 5=dry) 4; (s) is strength (1= weak; 5=strong) 3; (p) is position of hand (1=back towards own body; 5=other person's bodily zone) 3; (vi) is vigour (1=too low/too high; 5=mid) 3; (t) is temperature of hands (1=too cold/too hot; 5=mid) 3; (te) is texture of hands (5=mid; 1=too rough/too smooth) 3; (c) is control (1=low; 5=high) 3; (du) is duration (1= brief; 5=long) 3.

Researchers at the University of Manchester, in northern England, discovered that nearly one-in-five people questioned hated having to shake hands with the biggest complaints listed as sweaty palms, limp wrists, gripping too hard and lack of eye contact.

No one's complaining about being judged by an arcane ritual? 

[Ben]

There is a strike-out tag (< s >) about half-way into the formula. Here it is again, with spaces inserted.

Ah, so someone actually read the formula. Fine then.

[Devonai]

There are too many subjective variables to reliably predict a fissionable mass.

[230RN]

A-a-and how much grant money was burned up in this research?

I shake with my left hand.  Short-circuits the "I've got a stronger grip than you and hence my pecker is bigger" syndrome.  Learned that a long time ago, with my arthritis. One good squash from one of those "I've got a stronger grip than you and hence my pecker is bigger" guys will screw up my right hand for days.

And that's my gun hand.

So screw the formula, strikeout tag or not.

I met a concert pianist once who never shook hands directly. He'd put his right hand on your wrist and left hand over the back of your hand --he was quite practiced at that.  Still turned out to be a "warm" handshake, even if it took you aback for a second. 

He was afraid that one of those "I've got a stronger grip than you and hence my pecker is bigger" guys would screw up his playing.  And he was pretty well muscled, worked out.  Said it helped his stamina in long and difficult pieces.

I'm told the primitive origin of the handshake was to prove you were unarmed.  If so, I lie a lot when I shake hands, even lefthanded.

Terry, 230RN

[vaskidmark]

I don't shake hands. Most people use their right hand to wipe their rear, and few people wash their hands after doing so. I just wave and grimace.

So you used to watch Saturday Night live, then? Quite educational at times, wasn't it?

http://snlarc.jt.org/ep.php?i=199603160

stay safe.