Dual Wielding Raw Steaks, Slaps Diners In The Face At Vegan Restaurant

[MechAg94]

A Man, Dual Wielding Raw Steaks, Slaps Diners In The Face At Vegan Restaurant Yelling; “If You Don’t Eat Your Meat, You Can’t Have Any Pudding!”
https://dailynewsreported.com/food/a-man-dual-wielding-raw-steaks-slaps-diners-in-the-face-at-vegan-restaurant-yelling-if-you-dont-eat-your-meat-you-cant-have-any-pudding/

Ojai, CA- Clinton Brewer (73), has been arrested after assaulting close to one dozen people at a local vegan restaurant, Larry’s Secret Garden. Clinton was seen entering the restaurant during the dinner rush with raw steaks in each hand. He walked from table to table slapping people in the face with the bloody cuts of beef, yelling at each one of them, “‘If You Don’t Eat Your Meat, You Can’t Have Any Pudding! How Can You Have Any Pudding Is You Don’t Eat Your Meat?’“. He would repeat this over and over until has was stopped. It was somewhere around the 12th victim of his walk-by-slapping, when a good samaritan intervened by tackling and restraining him on the ground until authorities arrived.

Of the dozen or so victims of Brewer’s, 3 were sent to the local hospital with superficial wounds. Most of the injuries were of the emotional variety and all of the victims had a chance to speak with grief counselors. A candlelight vigil is planned for this coming weekend is hopes of raising positive vibes to heal the community.

[WLJ]

Too bad that's just satire

[Ben]

That is a crackup. Perfect choice for their story.  Ojai is THE most pretentious small town you will ever run across. It used to be somewhat of a combination of pretentious rich liberal aholes, people wanting their acre and a house, and rednecks, but then became something of an "artsy" community that Hollywood celebrities would visit or buy homes in. I'm sure it's even worse now.

It was always a community those of us who grew up in the area would make fun of. I used to work the refuse transfer station there on weekends when I worked at the county dump. You would get both the biggest aholes on the face of the planet and the nicest people you could imagine coming through. I'd get yelled at for the dump price by some alcoholic old redneck, then the next truck to drive up would be Mary Steenburgen bringing me a burrito for lunch while she dumped her own trash.

[Perd Hapley]

Daily News Reported is a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website.

The "how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat" was a nice touch.