Author Topic: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.  (Read 3359 times)

Brad Johnson

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It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« on: January 09, 2008, 12:04:07 PM »
Stepped on the scales this morning and it read a steady 215.  That's 60 lbs, total. 

The unfortunate side-effect is that I walk around holding my trousers like some low-rider-wearin' teenager at the mall.  I'm off to the store for a pair of slacks and a belt.  grin

Brad
It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
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Nick1911

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2008, 12:06:42 PM »
Congratulations! 
 grin

Paddy

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2008, 12:09:51 PM »
Congratulations!  Seems you picked the hardest time of year for it, though.  There's food everywhere you go during the holidays.

Desertdog

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2008, 12:20:37 PM »
Congratulations!

BrokenPaw

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2008, 12:37:01 PM »
Congratulations!  Well done!

Stepped on the scales this morning and it read a steady 215.  That's 60 lbs, total. 
As a rule of thumb, if you're losing or gaining weight so fast that the scale isn't steady while you're standing on it...you're doing something wrong.   grin

-BP
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MrRezister

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2008, 12:50:10 PM »
Awesome, keep up the good work!
Are you on a "named" program, or is it all DIY?
He never brought you an unbalanced budget, which is a perennial joke. He never voted himself a wage increase and, to this day, gives back part of his salary every year. He has always voted to preserve the Constitution, cut government spending, lower healthcare costs, end the war on drugs, secure our borders with immigration reform and protect our civil liberties.

Brad Johnson

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2008, 12:56:31 PM »
Awesome, keep up the good work!
Are you on a "named" program, or is it all DIY?

It's this really neat new program called Eat Right and Exercise.  laugh

Brad
It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
-HankB

The Viking

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2008, 01:22:28 PM »
Awesome, keep up the good work!
Are you on a "named" program, or is it all DIY?

It's this really neat new program called Eat Right and Exercise.  laugh

Brad
Wow, that sounds like the best thing ever! Have you tried to market it? laugh
Though I realise its probably too much effort for most people rolleyes.

Manedwolf

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2008, 01:27:04 PM »
Won't sell. It's not a Magic Pill people can take before consuming two Big Macs.

I have to wonder how many people have lost their dignity with the effects of that "alli" or whatever that stuff is that can give people the runs, suddenly and uncontrollably.


Paddy

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2008, 01:28:22 PM »
What's your BMI now, Brad?

Brad Johnson

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2008, 01:47:59 PM »
What's your BMI now, Brad?

Haven't the foggiest idea.

*edit to add*  Found out how to calculate it.  30.8 now, 40.0 when I started, whatever that means.

Brad
It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
-HankB

AmbulanceDriver

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2008, 01:56:47 PM »
Won't sell. It's not a Magic Pill people can take before consuming two Big Macs.

I have to wonder how many people have lost their dignity with the effects of that "alli" or whatever that stuff is that can give people the runs, suddenly and uncontrollably.



Yeah.  The wife and I were curious one day after seeing the umpteenth display of that stuff at local stores, so we did a little research. 

It works great, so long as you don't eat foods with too much fat.  "Too much" being more than 15 grams of fat per meal.  They reccomend lower. 

Here is a listing of the possible side effects (excuse me, *treatment* effects) of alli, in laymans terms (blatantly stolen from the west virgina surf report.  www.thewvsr.com):

Alli Side Effects In Layman's Terms
by Jeff Kay 
Alli is a new over-the-counter weight-loss pill which, predictably enough, has proven to be a massive best-seller from the moment it became available. The drug, manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, reportedly works by blocking the absorption of excess fats by the body. And folks are waddling, not walking, to their local drug stores for a chance to start on the Alli "program."

As is the case with most drugs, Alli comes with a risk of certain side effects. Or, as they're known on the company website, treatment effects.

A person is reportedly limited to 15 grams of fat per meal, and if they go over (or even if they don't), there's a significant chance they'll find themselves out behind a shopping center somewhere, crying and clutching a wad of horrifyingly soiled undergarments, searching for a place to ditch it.

As best as I can tell, anyway...

Since a lot of this stuff is couched in language that is technically truthful, but very carefully worded, I've taken it upon myself to go through the list of side (treatment) effects and warnings, and translate it all into layman's terms.

I'm no scientist or doctor, and don't pretend to have any special knowledge. I'm just a person who's fairly good with words and reading between the lines... The highlighted phrases below are direct quotes from the Alli website, with my translations in between.


Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

Here the drug makers are trying to soothe the nerves of the skeptical fatty, by speaking their language. Pizza is something fatties understand, and a big part of the reason theyre interested in Alli to begin with. Pizza is good, pizza is reassuring& even when its flowing from your ass like molten lava.

The website mentions seeing the undigested fat in a toilet, but thats clearly a best case scenario. You might also see it on the tops of your shoes, across the hood of a car, or way up the shower curtain, near the loops.

The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects.

Bowel changes. Notice how they phrase that? It means stuff will be happening the likes of which you could never have imagined. Itll be like a daily Dean Koontz novel inside your underwear.

You may get:

gas with oily spotting


Youll be farting Wesson oil straight through your Dockers&

loose stools

and having violent chipped beef explosions...

more frequent stools that may be hard to control

all the time, with a sphincter that can no longer be counted as a friend.

Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. Limit fat intake in your meals to an average of 15 grams.

The McDonalds Big Mac has 34 grams of fat, and the Burger King Whopper has 40. Eat either of these while taking Alli, and youll very likely be transformed into a diarrhea cannon.

Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here's how to take control:
Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over


Blowing liquid feces down a row of bridesmaids, for instance, could be viewed negatively in certain circles. Further, an unexpected bout of the power-squirts while riding The Bullet at the county fair might not ingratiate you with your friends. Or anyone on the fairway. Or the folks in the parking lot walking to their cars.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

You see, when you think about it, shitting yourself is actually a positive.

You can't "save fat grams" from lunch and "spend them" at dinner. Spread your daily fat gram allowance of 15 grams on average per meal over the whole day

Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee's. Its simply not worth it.   

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

Until you get the hang of it, you should probably take along a rolling suitcase full of brown clothes everywhere you go, while taking Alli. Luckily, however, turd-colored clothing is in this season; turd is the new vomit.

If co-workers ask about it, there is no shame in telling the truth. You might be surprised how understanding folks can be if you simply say, I dress like this to conceal the poop that's constantly soaking through the seat of my pants.     

You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

Showboating is not recommended.

You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce
In addition to a handcart full of extra pants designed to camouflage your anal leakage, it might also be a good idea to carry a schematic and information wheel, so you don't repeat past mistakes and have a treatment effect halfway up your back.

I hope this information has proven to be valuable.


 
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http://www.appleseedinfo.org

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seeker_two

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2008, 02:02:44 PM »
Well done, Brad......
Impressed yet befogged, they grasped at his vivid leading phrases, seeing only their surface meaning, and missing the deeper current of his thought.

grampster

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2008, 03:36:36 PM »
Well Done???  Well Done??? laugh  I have not laughed so hard in many years.   :laugh:I have tears streaming down my face and I have such a side ache I can't hardly breathe. laugh laugh laugh
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atomd

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2008, 04:31:42 PM »
Quote
The McDonalds Big Mac has 34 grams of fat, and the Burger King Whopper has 40. Eat either of these while taking Alli, and youll very likely be transformed into a diarrhea cannon.

Hmmmm.....maybe we can use some of these cannons in the war on terror.....

Harold Tuttle

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2008, 04:37:09 PM »
Jeff Kay for president
"The true mad scientist does not make public appearances! He does not wear the "Hello, my name is.." badge!
He strikes from below like a viper or on high like a penny dropped from the tallest building around!
He only has one purpose--Do bad things to good people! Mit science! What good is science if no one gets hurt?!"

HankB

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #16 on: January 10, 2008, 09:46:04 AM »
So from ambulancedriver's description, this "alli" stuff behaves like a concentrated and supercharged version of olestra - sucrose polyester - which has been known to result in . . . uh . . . intestinal cramps and uncontrollable anal leakage.

It actually sounds like it would make one heck of a joke drug in certain college circles . . . let's say, slip one into a guy's beer, just before he digs into a pizza . . .   shocked

Imagine what someone on the campaign trail with a candidate they don't particularly like could do with that . . . especially right before a debate.
Trump won in 2016. Democrats haven't been so offended since Republicans came along and freed their slaves.
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mtnbkr

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #17 on: January 10, 2008, 09:50:50 AM »
I wonder how much somone would lose if they ate the Alli diet without taking the drug. 

Chris

Paddy

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #18 on: January 10, 2008, 10:05:44 AM »
That stuff should be a controlled substance and you should be required to wear heavy duty diapers while taking it.

mtnbkr

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #19 on: January 10, 2008, 10:15:47 AM »
Given the side effects, I am surprised it is available without a script. 

Chris

Harold Tuttle

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #20 on: January 10, 2008, 10:45:27 AM »
I saw Alli ads on TV last night

I'm thinking there a good Muhammad Ali pun floating around the bowl
"The true mad scientist does not make public appearances! He does not wear the "Hello, my name is.." badge!
He strikes from below like a viper or on high like a penny dropped from the tallest building around!
He only has one purpose--Do bad things to good people! Mit science! What good is science if no one gets hurt?!"

280plus

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #21 on: January 10, 2008, 10:54:22 AM »
Nice job Brad!

Besides that I got cramps from laughing so hard.  laugh

I'll work on the Ali pun...  grin
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crt360

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2008, 11:23:12 AM »
Ah, so alli is the secret ingredient at Pancho's.  cheesy

Brad, good job!  Be careful your new self doesn't get tossed around in the wind out there.  smiley
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Harold Tuttle

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #23 on: January 10, 2008, 11:27:09 AM »
"The true mad scientist does not make public appearances! He does not wear the "Hello, my name is.." badge!
He strikes from below like a viper or on high like a penny dropped from the tallest building around!
He only has one purpose--Do bad things to good people! Mit science! What good is science if no one gets hurt?!"

280plus

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Re: It's official. 60 lbs and counting.
« Reply #24 on: January 10, 2008, 11:35:42 AM »
That's just beautiful, I got tears in my eyes...  laugh
Avoid cliches like the plague!