A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote
mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan
sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If
I tel l you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook
computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a
NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite
that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop
and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that
the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a
MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email
on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his
hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cow
boy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,"
says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,
"Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up
here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer
I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how
much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .
Now give me back my dog.
************************************************************
Hillary
Clinton was sworn in today as President.
She has
disposed of Bill and is spending her first night alone in the White
House
She has
waited several years for this.
FIRST
NIGHT
Suddenly! The
ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary says, "How can I
best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never
tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says
Hillary, "I don't know about that."
SECOND
NIGHT
The next
night, th e ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says,
"Listen to
the people."
"Ohhh! I
really don't want to do that."
THIRD
NIGHT
On the third
night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary says, "How can I best
serve my country?"
Lincoln says,
"Go to the theater."
************************************************************
Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and
says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"
Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"
and so it does ...
" A f r i c a n Elephant "
Hooked on phonics!!! Ain't it wonderful? --
