Were Doom-ided.
I spent Tuesday as an election judge. My faith in humanity and the American people are gone, shattered, destroyed. This country is going to hell in a handbasket at Mach 2 and the people are screaming Faster, Faster !!!
Morons.
The only thing dumber then some my fellow election judges were some of the voters.
My fellow Republican judge (an older, retired widow), is a rabidly anti-immigrant, Hillary supporter. Of the two Democrat judges, one was a mathematically challenged Obama supporter. I had to keep her and the Hillary supporter separated all day. And then Joe, a naturalized immigrant works at a manufacturing company and also running his own ecommerce business. Sharp, smart guy, he was as appalled by the goings-on as I was. The Technical Judge (Chief) spent most of his time chatting up and trying to put I Voted stickers on the chests of female voters.
Heres the process:
The voters would approach Miss Xenophobes for Hillary and she would ask for their name. She would then promptly look in wrong binder (We had five binders of Applications to Vote , broken down by last name A-F, G-K, L-O, P-S, and T-Z.) Once guided to the right binder, and once the voter pointed out the form with their name on it as she flipped past it, she would tear it out and hand it to them to sign. She also had to given them little speech/instructions. Previously the Election Commission pre-printed party affiliation on the ATV. Nope, not this year, were going to challenge both the voters and the election judges. Not only did they have to sign the form, but they also had to write in what ballot they were requesting at the top, Republican , Democrat , Green (as in the Green Party), or Non-Partisan . This was way too much information for Miss Xeno to convey. She could get Sign by the X part but the whole Write in your ballot type at the top, Republican, Democrat, Green or Non-Partisan. A Non-Partisan ballot does not have any candidates, only referenda on it caused circuit overload. She could get to Republican and Democrat, without a problem, but often left out Green . On several occasions she told voters to put Jewish, as if I care . If she remembered Non-Partisan it came out as Independent .
It quickly became my job to explain filling out the form to the voters. Why, because I was station Two. Once the voters had signed the form and indicated their ballot preference, my job was verify their address Is this your current address, Sir/Maam ? and that the signature almost, kinda, sorta, if you look at it from this angle, matches the one at the bottom of the form. I also had to check a list of all the registered voters. If someone had voted early or requested an absentee ballot their name was in bold, so No voting for you today. The election commission also had italicized the names people who needed to show two forms ID to vote. Why? I dont know, but thats what they wanted. So if it said Two IDs required , two IDs is what I requested. I only had one guy ask why. Sir, I dont know why, youd have to call the election commission and ask them. Yeah, it was a cop-out, I didnt care why they wanted two IDs and if I would have used the Bat Phone to call the Election Commission, Id almost bet the answer I would have gotten would be Because we said so. They were dealing with enough stupid questions that day if our polling place was any indication, they didn't need mine.
Having initialed off that the person standing in front me was who they claimed to be, I would tear off the receipt to give to the voter and direct them to Joe at the end of the table (station Four) to get their ballot, marker and instructions. Joe quickly developed a standard block of instruction and had each voter on their merry way to a booth. Only a couple of voters had to come back for clarification/further instruction.
Station Three was Obama-mama. Her job was to also verify that the signatures matched, and initial off next to mine, basically saying that a judge from each party agrees that the signatures match. Needless to say at the end of the day over half the ATV's needed her initials. She was then to sequentially number them by party, writing that number the box in the upper right hand corner and then stack them on two hole metal fasteners, by party. Periodically throughout the day we would ask her to add together the number of Democrat, Republican, Green and Non-Partisan applications and compare that to the number on the ballot counting machine. A first she did fine, but once we hit triple digits, she was never closer to actual total by at least a hundred and change. Then we would have to go back and correct the "almost" sequential numbers she had written in the box. I ended up also doing the math, as I could do it in my head faster and more accurately then she could on her cell-phone (when she wasnt talking on it).
Were not supposed to discuss politics. I brought along some work and a book to read, for slow times. Fastest way to make a voter walk through the door was for me to pick my book. *sigh*. Miss Xeno and Obama-mama kept going after each others candidates. The technical judge is a Republican and while he was not endorsing any particular candidate, was openly partisan and discussed politics with the voters. If I had a nickel for every time I said People we cannot discuss politics, nor candidates, nor the parties. Id made a small fortune. Joe, being a pretty smart guy, didn't say much.
Then there were the voters.
The precinct were I served is mixed both racially and income-wise. There are several apartment complexes. They consisted of both young people/couples, just starting off on lifes journey along with low-income/government subsidized tenants. Theres also middle class homes in the precinct. I only had two people misspell Republican and very few abbreviate it. Other then Old, Ugly, Angry Divorcees now living in a cheap apartment with three cats because he dumped me for a hot young thing half his age after the kids were grown and Lesbians for Hillary , most voters requesting Democrat ballots put either a D or couldnt get past D-e-m-o before asking how to spell Democrat. Many of those that did struggle to get past the first two syllables on their own lost it in the home stretch, and some went well beyond by adding an extra E on the end or some form of ICTISCAL .
I never wanted a tazer more in my life.
Voter: Dont Taze Me, Bro !!!
Me: Spell 'Democrat' correctly or ride the lightning!!!
We had to reject several voters. Under Illinois law, if you moved within the thirty days prior to the election you can vote in your new precinct if you can prove your new address (utility bill/drivers license, lease or mortgage papers, etc) and sign an affidavit saying This is my new address .
Me: Sir/Maam, is this your correct address??
Voter: No, I moved from there several months/years ago.
Me: Im sorry, but you cant vote today, youll have to re-register after the election at your new address. Illinois does not have same-day registration.
Of course if this person was someone that Obama-mama felt would vote for her guy, then she would say something along the lines Why cant they vote here. Theyre registered here ?? I would again have to open the Election Judges manual, show and then read her the law. As written. In English. Again. For the twenty-third time. Most of these people had come from polling places near their new homes. (We had one guy drive over twenty miles.) So other polling places were sending people to vote in precincts they no longer reside in. I have no idea if the other polling places were allowing these people to vote, but given the level of competence I saw around me, I bet quite a few did.
Meanwhile Miss Xeno would be going on about The Problem with this county is too many immigrants. , to the voter standing in line behind the problem voter , while the Technical Judge would be either trying to score with a voter old enough to be his daughter or discussing politics with Mr. Ihateourgovernorwithawhitehotpassion.
Were Doom-id.
