Study- Marriage: It's Only Going To Get Worse

[LadySmith]

Hey married, or formerly married, people...is this true?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080205/sc_livescience/marriageitsonlygoingtogetworse

Marriage: It's Only Going to Get Worse
Jeanna Bryner
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.comTue Feb 5, 3:11 PM ET
If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. New research suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together.
The same trend was not found for relationships with children or friends. 
The study results could be a consequence of accumulated contact with a spouse, such that the nitpicking or frequent demands that once triggered just a mild chafe develops into a major pain. But accumulated irritation has its silver lining.
"As we age and become closer and more comfortable with one another, it could be that we're more able to express ourselves to each other," said lead study author Kira Birditt, a research fellow at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research. "In other words, it's possible that negativity is a normal aspect of close relationships that include a great deal of daily contact."
Rather than breeding unhappy couples and ill health, the increase in negativity could be a normal part of relationships. 
"Because we found that pattern was overall among the participants, it appears to be normative. It's not something unusual that happens," Birditt said.
Relationship report
Birditt and U-M colleagues Lisa Jackey and Toni Antonucci looked at how negative views of spouses, friends and children changed over time and among different age groups, including young adults (ages 20 to 39), middle-aged adults (40 to 59) and older adults (60 and over).
The researchers analyzed responses collected in 1992 and 2005 as part of the Social Relations and Health Over the Life Course study, a regionally representative sample of people from the greater Detroit metropolitan area.
More than 800 individuals indicated the level of negativity in relationships with their spouses or partners, children and best friends. Participants also noted whether or not their responses referred to the same spouse, child and friend during the 2005 interviews.
Each participant rated how strongly they agreed or disagreed with two statements:
"My (spouse/partner, child, friend) gets on my nerves." "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) makes too many demands on me."
Irksome partners
In all age groups, individuals reported viewing their spouse as the most negative compared with children and friends. The negative view of spouses tended to increase over time.
"We were surprised because in the gerontological research, it suggests that as people age they get better at regulating their emotions and experience less negative relationships," Birditt told LiveScience. "But we found that it depends on which relationship you're looking at."
As relationships with spouses became more negative, relationships with children and friends seemed to become less demanding and irritating over time. Negativity toward friends decreases over time partially because we can continuously choose and weed our friends, ditching those pals who are irritating, according to the researchers.
"Relationships with children may become less negative because of role changes as children move through adolescence and young adulthood, grow and mature, usually becoming more stable and independent," Birditt explained. Kids moving out didn't seem to impact spousal negativity, however, as the researchers found the same trend for spouses irrespective of the age group.
Participants in their 20s and 30s reported having the most negative relationships overall. Older adults had the least negative relationships with spouses, children and friends. Past research by Birditt and others has shown that older adults are more likely to report less conflict in their relationships compared with younger adults.
"Older adults are more likely than younger people to report that they try to deal with conflict by avoiding confrontations, rather than by discussing problems," Birditt said.
In general, the longer partners stay together, the more they have to deal with the other's idiosyncrasies, for instance. "When youre living together, its a lot harder to avoid each other," Birditt said.
The research was presented in November at an annual meeting of the Gerontological Society of America, and it has also been submitted to a journal for publication.

[stevelyn]

Well that explains why even though married men seem to live longer, they are more willing to die.

[Racehorse]

While this may be true, the article acts like this is something unavoidable and unchangeable. These are all choices people make. It's not some inevitable consequence of being married.

[SteveS]

The researchers analyzed responses collected in 1992 and 2005 as part of the Social Relations and Health Over the Life Course study, a regionally representative sample of people from the greater Detroit metropolitan area.

I would be miserable if I had to live there.  I guess I would like to see a more extensive study that included samples from other regions of the country and rural areas.

[vaskidmark]

"As we age and become closer and more comfortable with one another, it could be that we're more able to express ourselves to each other," said lead study author Kira Birditt, a research fellow at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research.

So far, so good.  An improvement over time in the ability to communicate should be a precursor to an improvement in the totality of the relationship.

"In other words, it's possible that negativity is a normal aspect of close relationships that include a great deal of daily contact."

Now I'm getting complexed and perfused.  In the previous breath Kira Birditt said that over time we get better at expressing ourselves to each other, and in this breath she says that over time we get more negative towards each other.  Does this mean that we merely get better at expressing how negatively we view the other person in the relationship?

If that's the case, I'm sure any of the major armed forces training programs (with the probable exception of the US Air Farce) could provide lesons in expressing negativity towards others that would not require literally years to perfect.  My limited memory and experience (40+ years ago, 4 Drill Instructors @ MCRD PI) suggest that even the most dull-witted can learn such techniques as only a part of a 6-week program.

Rather than breeding unhappy couples and ill health, the increase in negativity could be a normal part of relationships. 

Now I am even more perfused and complexed.  More and more negativity is what one should expect in a relationship?

And to think that I considered it a sign that I ought to get out of the relationship when, one dark night, I realized I could not come up with even 1 reason why I should not shoot her in the head as she lay there in bed next to me.  All the money wasted in counseling and therapy.  All the lawyers' bills I would not have had to pay.  How much money would I have saved if I did not have to pay spousal support as opposed to the "regular" bills?  Hmmm?

Guys - at least those of you who have had ex's from hell - please send me their name and last known address (unless it is a cemetary plot).  According to this study, you blew your chance at a "normal" relationship and I want to be able to profit from your errors.

And for all of you who are so prone to telling how wonderful your partner is -- all I can say is that you are living in a dream world.  You will eventually see that it is all false, and that you should be striving for greater negativity if you too want a normal relationship.

stay safe.

skidmark  *takes off chest waders after hosing off male bovine excrement*

[280plus]

I thought I just read somwhere that couples who fight a lot live longer. Probably just to torture the male longer though... 

[Gewehr98]

If that's the case, I'm sure any of the major armed forces training programs (with the probable exception of the US Air Farce) could provide lesons in expressing negativity towards others that would not require literally years to perfect.

Oh, really?  I learned all sorts of new words from my Air Force drill sergeant back in 1986.  They were hardly positive in nature. 

As for fighting, many couples fight to save a marriage, vs. fighting to dissolve one.  YMMV, of course.

[seeker_two]

Well....I must be doing something wrong.....my wife & I not only LOVE each other, we LIKE each other, too.......

How did we go wrong?...... 

[lee n. field]

Hey married, or formerly married, people...is this true?

New research suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together.

No.

[BridgeWalker]

I dunno, since I've only been with my husband for six years.  But for things to start getting worse there'd have to be one heck of a turnaround.  So far things mostly keep getting better. 

[Antibubba]

Isn't anyone else disturbed by the fact that the poster's avatar is a Black Widow??



 

[LadySmith]

Antibubba, my avatar in no way reflects my marital proclivities.

*Muahahahhaha*