Why am I such a chicken?

[Headless Thompson Gunner]

Try asking out some women you don't especially like or want to date.  No pressure, no loss if they reject you, lots of practice and practical experience.  Best of all, you'll find that plenty of them are a lot of fun, even if you didn't expect them to be.

[Ex-MA Hole]

Cheese-

How are your relationships with other men? 

How about with your family?

Maybe try to just hang out with a female first.  Skip the date.  Just hang out- go shooting, hiking, whatever, just don't go on a date?

[The Annoyed Man]

Maybe try to just hang out with a female first.  Skip the date.  Just hang out- go shooting, hiking, whatever, just don't go on a date?

I do that all the time.  I'm very comfortable around girls whom I'm not interested in and whom I know are not interested in me and do all kinds of stuff, I've gone shooting, bowling, to plenty of movies, walking around the mall, on the beach, when I had an apartment I'd hang out with them at my place sometimes and just "chill".  No problems with that.

How are your relationships with other men?

How about with your family?

Good and good.  I hang out with my buddies sometimes, go to games, etc.  My relationship with my family is fine, not as good with my brother sometimes because we disagree on a huge number of things.... but all in all things are fine.

Try asking out some women you don't especially like or want to date.

I have an opportunity coming up tonight.  A very pretty and intelligent girl working on her masters degree whom I will see in a class later that I'm just taking for fun.

I'm not terribly interested in her, but then again there's nothing massively wrong with her either.  I think the only thing about her that turns me off is that she's admitted a few times that she can be a little neurotic at times.  Maybe tonight I'll just bite the bullet and give it a try.

[Ex-MA Hole]

Do it.

Just talk to her like she is anotehr human being.

[The Annoyed Man]

Just talk to her like she is anotehr human being.

Well, if she's not then I guess Edgar Mitchell is telling the truth.

I will say that it's been helpful to see that I'm not the only person who has had this problem.  I guess I just need to loosen up a bit.

[Phyphor]

Nothing wrong with the boy.  He's young and he's lead a sheltered life.

Get out there and get a big healthy dose of fail with women.

You are a man, you have the iniative.  It is your job to take the arrows.  Go get them.

Does that mean he'll fight in the shade? 

[Perd Hapley]

.cheese,

I had the same problem once.  They still make me nervous, in fact.  But I made a fool of myself with a few girls, and moved on.  Happily married now. 

[Tallpine]

Well, if a girl ever asks you to go to Madagascar with her, you really should take her up on it

[AZRedhawk44]

Well, if a girl ever asks you to go to Madagascar with her, you really should take her up on it

And be sure to bring a towel.

I've had the same problem, cheese.  Not to the same degree, but them girls can be intimidating.  I've found that most of the intimidation (for me) is the false expectations I build in my own head, based upon what I want the relationship to be.  Will she be a great kisser, a minx in bed, a surf-and-turf dater, neurotic, insecure, passive, whatever?

Who knows.  Definitely not me, and not before I find out the truth.  But having expectations was a big hurdle to get over.

[anygunanywhere]

Be yourself.

I was always afraid of rejection and had difficulty talking to women.

I met my wife and have been married for 34 years.

I am still afraid of rejection and have difficulty talking to her.

Anygunanywhere

[Phantom Warrior]

You are very fortunate to be attractive to women.  I have no ability to attract women.  I think I've probably improved my ability to be charming and comfortable with women significantly over the years and I still can't seem to find one that's interested in me.  And I don't say that to get you to feel sorry for me or to try and make you feel guilty.  I'm just offering you the encouragement that when you do become comfortable with dating you probably have a very good chance of settling down happily with someone.  Good luck to you, man.

[The Annoyed Man]

Phantom Warrior, I appreciate the encouragement.  I have no idea why girls are ever interested in me to be honest.

Anyways, tonight I was about to give it a try, but the class ended and I had to say goodbye to a friend of mine as she is going back up to med school this week and by the time I was done, the other girl had already left.  It will have to wait until next week for me to try to get over my fear.

[Headless Thompson Gunner]

Wait until next week?  Slacker.



Find someone else.  Ask out this someone else as practice for asking out the girl in class next week.

[The Annoyed Man]

Here is my advice; when I go on a first date with a girl, I do all the usual stuff; I am very polite, hold doors, try to get to know her a bit, etc.

But then, once you are both getting settled in and relaxed, do something that is just entirely, crazily, stupidly "YOU."

We all have a lot of weird kinks and quirks, that we might be afraid of showing a GIRL for the first time.

Just DO one of those things, or tell her about it, or something. One my first date with my current girlfriend, I told her this.

"Ya know, I know it is really weird. But I really like cats. I call 'em kittens, mow-mows, purr-boxes. And what is even wierder, is a habit I picked up from my mom. I really love it when a cats ears are cold. When they are cold, I really like to play with them. And I even like to bite them. Not like hard with my teeth, but I just kind of 'gum' them with my lips. Can you believe that?"

If she is cool, she will think its is funny or goofy and probably laugh and tell you some other off the wall habit that SHE has. After a conversation like that, you can REALLY relax and enjoy yourself.

[The Annoyed Man]

Ask out this someone else as practice for asking out the girl in class next week.

That was supposed to be the practice!   Other than this class lately I don't see many women since I'm out of college and mainly spend my days writing application essays for this second round of law school apps and working out trying to get myself fit before I go to law school.  The last time I was really fit was my freshman year of college, and that was also the time I had the most women interested in me.  What a maroon I was for not using the opportunity.

I'm getting pretty fit again though and have been working out extensively since January (my new years resolution was to lose all the weight and build some serious muscle - and I've accomplished the latter and actually have built some monster muscles, but I haven't lost all the weight yet).

I suppose I could go to a club or something.... I've never done that actually.  I worked as a DJ throughout high school, and since then I've intentionally avoided places with loud music.  Bars are probably not a good place to meet women, plus like I said before I hardly ever drink.  Then there's random women in stores, but I would imagine that would come off as creepy.

I'll be starting an internship soon though, maybe 2, so that should open up social opportunities I think.  Also the girl from this class just rubs me the wrong way a little bit.  I haven't put my finger on exactly what it is though.

[Grandpa Shooter]

I admit I haven't read every line of the previous replies so excuse me if I repeat something said previously.

Maybe it is not your lot in life to get comfortable with women.  Despite the obvious benefits to a working relationship with a good woman, it just doesn't work for some guys.  Even guys who don't have trouble talking with women, who get dates easily are not successful in finding the right one.  Who ever told you that you "needed" a woman in your life?  Is it your own desire or is it one of those "But ------ told me I should, or _____ expects it of me, or ****** says its what every other guy is doing.

Who or what is pushing you to think you need a girl friend in the first place?  Is it a girl friend you want or just female companionship?  Don't make the typical mistake of confusing sex or comfortable companionship with love.  If you just want a female to hang out with who will adore you no matter what happens and jump with joy when you come home--------------get a dog.  I am only saying these things because I have been there and done that.  Good sex is not love.  Fun times on the beach is not love.

Figure out who you are first.  From reading some of your other posts, I'd bet you are highly intelligent, rational, a little OCD, analytical and very much someone who thinks way ahead trying to lay out a plan, anticipate any and all possible deviations from that plan, and have contingency plans in place for every conceivable scenario.  If I am anywhere close to right, I have bad news for you, the average woman is NOT something you can plan ahead for.  There is no way possible to anticipate every possible turn in a relationship with a woman who means anything to you.

I am not putting you down, or bashing women.  Planning anything past, "Will you go out with me, Ok great, pick you up at 8" just isn't anything you can map out.  You step into the swamp and hope you can outrun or outswim the alligators.

Good luck!

[seeker_two]

I suppose I could go to a club or something.... I've never done that actually.  I worked as a DJ throughout high school, and since then I've intentionally avoided places with loud music.  Bars are probably not a good place to meet women, plus like I said before I hardly ever drink.  Then there's random women in stores, but I would imagine that would come off as creepy.

If you're looking for a woman who can drink or shop, those are good ideas. If you're looking for someone with the same interests you have, go to those places and find women. And don't hesitate to approach.....the only way to play is to get into the game....

I'll be starting an internship soon though, maybe 2, so that should open up social opportunities I think.  Also the girl from this class just rubs me the wrong way a little bit.  I haven't put my finger on exactly what it is though.

Your instinct may be right, but don't discount her just yet. Talk with her first. You may find out that, after you get to know her as a person, she might be one who can rub you the "right" way...

[The Annoyed Man]

*sigh* chickened out tonight.

I did get to talk to her a bit more and learn more about her.  She's far more intelligent than most of the girls I've met and I really like that; and she's incredibly articulate.  We happened to actually get on to the topic of personal safety and she mentioned that her mother had bought her some mace.  I actually dropped the fact that I regularly carry a firearm to see how she'd react.  She didn't seem to mind.

I think I'll just wait until the class is ending in 2 weeks, and then try again.... at least then if I get shot down (I'm realizing it's tougher to read her than I had previously thought).... it won't make things awkward for future classes.

She seemed less interested in me tonight than previously.  I don't know if it's because I haven't asked her out, or because of something I may have said.

This game is tough!  It's almost like chess, analyzing each move, and coming up with the next best strategic move.

It's so much easier to let the girls do all the work like some have in the past.

My personal trainer was teasing me today that I don't have the guts to ask her out.  Looks like for now he was right.  (this is not the personal trainer that asked me out.  That one was a girl.  I switched to using a guy mainly because I need somebody to spot me).

[Vodka7]

Don't wait.  Do it tomorrow, or as soon as you see her.  "Hey, you wanna go out for dinner this week?"

It's not chess.  It's basketball.  You gotta shoot to score.

And as for why girls are interested in you, I'd bet money you don't talk much in social settings (more than 1-on-1) but when you do it's either something smart or funny.  Women remember that, and it interests them.  I was pretty similar until I hit 19 or 20, and I can't tell you the number of times someone I met before then saw me again later and said "you were so .... in high school, how come you never asked me out?"

[seeker_two]

*sigh* chickened out tonight.

[linus voice] You're hopeless, Charlie Brown....   [/linus voice]

[Jamisjockey]

Are you gay by chance?

You know how I know you're gay?  'cause you asked if he was!!!!
 

[The Annoyed Man]

My trainer is going to laugh his behind off tomorrow.  He's going to say something like, "You can push over half a ton with your legs, but you can't ask a girl out!  "

 

[The Annoyed Man]

Finally did it.  I don't know if that means I got over my fear or not.

[Ex-MA Hole]

....and?....

[AZRedhawk44]

seconded! 

and...?