"To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false;
while to say of what is that it is, or of what is not that it is not, is
true."
- Aristotle, _Metaphysics_
"If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it."
- Linda Furney, Ohio State Senator
"Life. Live it."
"Sometimes, the road is less traveled for a reason."
"Follow your bliss." - Joseph Campbell
"The world is a very cool place." - Miller Brewing Co.
"Philosophy: a blind man in dark room looking for a black cat which isn't
there." - Lord Bowen
Paul's Law: "You can't fall off the floor."
"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." - Anon.
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." - Anon.
"One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape
to make them stop." - G. Weilacher
"Duck tape is like the force: it has a light side, and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together." - Anon.
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." - J.
Paul Getty
"Hey, who took the cork off my lunch?" - W.C. Fields
First Law of Midterms: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget
your book.
"Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn." - Anon.
"Well, you get what you settle for." - Louise Sawyer, _Thelma &
Louise_
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself." - Mark Twain
"I know the problems of two lonely people don't amount to a hill of beans
in this world, but darling, this is our hill, and these are our beans."
- Frank Drebbon, _The Naked Gun_
"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
- H. H. Munro
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
--------
"Do You Have Control?"
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them
are talking about the amount of control they have over
their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and
says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do
you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night
my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What
happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer,
sighed and uttered, "She said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight
like a man."
