Arrrrggghhh!!!!

[Guest]

Where is "Uncle Art" ?  Yeah  I adopted you Art sometime back, just failed to mention it I guess.

Okay everyone, you can listen too.

I seem to be the only sib that checks on Mom.  I am the eldest and I guess in the fine print this falls on my shoulders or something.

Now I have had my talks and shared with Mom about the Realities of Life. Like the  neighborhood is not as it once was, she cannot do as she once did, and all the suggestions and beefing up of home security.  Basic Awareness when out and about and all that stuff.  Now do understand my position is I "suggest" these things - the final decision is hers when it comes to actually doing , spending money.  I know about the 'damned if you - and damned if you don't", getting blamed and all that stuff.

I mean she had her long time bestest friend attacked some years ago in broad daylight, nobody came to assist her , she later died.

She had  another long time friend   followed home from drug store and attacked in the carport. Neighbor did yell and scare them away - finally. This ladies husband was stuck in his chair having just come home from Knee surgery - he could not do anything.  This wife got banged up pretty good, had to get new keys to car, house, and contact bank on checkbook and credit cards. Oh, and all her ID from DL to you name it. BGs got the purse and the husbands pain meds.

We are candid in discussions. I mean I am a big boy and just say it. When I talk health matters for instance, I use the layman's terms to explain the medical ones - and in no manner am trying to embarass her in knowing how the genders are different.

I mean just being around when folks come by to do work is not a bad idea - she being all by her lonesome. I do this with other single women, when married women have husbands out of pocket ( and husbands know and appreciate this) or I do this with elderly folks so they too are not taken advantage of.

--

I went to Mom's today, garage is open, her car is parked, trunk is "popped" but not up. I see the storm door closed, front door is open. I can make out the interior of the house.

Umm...we talked about this. I wait, I am thinking, I am hoping all is okay.  I really do not want to find myself in the midst of trouble, then again I gotta do something.

I approach the front door in caution, and there she is eating a sandwich.  I open the front door and she almost comes out of her skin.

"Mom...we talked about this...."

"I was hungry after doing the beauty shop, drug store, and grocery store bit...
There are groceries and stuff in the trunk if you don't mind...
Here is the key to the truck and you know the code to the garage..."

Arrrgghh!

"Mom, umm the garage is open, the trunk is popped undone, I bet your purse in on the front seat, the front door was open, and storm door was not even locked..."

" Like I said was feeling like I needed to eat..."

I carried the stuff in, I started putting the frozen stuff and cold stuff away...
Granted I put stuff up 'wrong" forgot to rinse off some things, and had to put those $%&@ plastic bags she keeps for trash can liners I hate "in their spot in the garage".

I still breathe quite well thru clentched teeth - thank you very much...



Seems mom spoke with her sister  in Houston.  Seems this nice elderly lady took in some hurricane victims to some degree ( didn't get details) anyway down near Houston. This "nice couple"  ended choking the elderly lady to death , stealing her car,her purse, credit cards and whatnot. Ladies car had a "star system" and they found the car and the couple.

Mom informs me....she told her sister - that the world is not what is used to be and perhaps her sister needs to be aware of what is going on...

Ya know - I was looking for the book on how to raise parents.   There ain't one. Ain't gonna be one. Ain't no way in hell to figure out parents.

I ever get this  un-aware, no matter my age. Just take me out back and shoot me. Just bulldoze a big hole and shoot me - cover me up - please.



Sigh...

[Larry Ashcraft]

Steve,

I just had Sandy read your post.

Her take:  "Sometimes you just can't fix it".

[Guest]

Yeah I know...

Acceptance is the key...
Don't mean I gotta like it - just accept it.

Maybe I'll  snag a good spoon out of the utensil drawer at her place, go out back and did in the yard with it. Hadn't done that in 45+ years - always fun when I did - drove mom nuts - still it was fun...

[grampster]

My brother and I promised dad as he was dying we would take care of mom.  He died in '99.  Mom lived in her home since then, doing for herself.  We (brother and I) operated on the wavelength that the more she did for herself, the more vibrant she would stay.  That worked till Spring of 2004.  She was starting her 92nd year.

Well, anyway, a year ago last May we moved her into an elder care facility.  At first she had her own room, but after a year, we had her get a roomate.  Those places are not cheap, but some are reasonable.  $2650.00 a month for the single.  $1675.00 for her now with a roomie.
 
Why did we do such a thing.  Well, she started not eating properly, over or under dosing herself on her meds.  Stopped cleaning the house and her clothing.  Memory was starting to go.  She will be 94 this New Year's Eve.  Her physical health is good, but she doesn't remember stuff, short term.

We visit her, her sister visits and niece calls on her as do my kids and grandkids from time to time.  She doesn't like leaving the joint too often as she really enjoys the activities and if she leaves she may miss a good home cooked meal.  She has been known to tell us to get the heck out, it's lunch time.

The point:  There comes a time when our elderly can't handle the independence they want and we wish to confer.  Most families are not equipped to do elder care.  Unless one partner or both in a relationship is able to deal with Old Folks, it will not work.  Trust me, I know.  Old foks are loved, but live in a new and different world.  I expect to be there one day.

Mom is living with her peers.  Old Folks like to be around other Old Folks, sometimes just to point out how everyone else is old and senile.  The proper facility will be staffed by people who are prepared, dedicated and enjoy being around our elders.  We are blessed with mom's staff and the home.  It just took some talking around to find the place.  I look her in the eye and ask her how she feels about the place.  She tells me she enjoys it.  Good food, good roomate, activities, exceptional home cooked food, activities, quiet places to hide and read, TV room, religious stuff.  The list goes on.