Author Topic: The Onion is on target again...  (Read 4203 times)

Preacherman

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The Onion is on target again...
« on: November 18, 2005, 10:24:33 AM »
From The Onion (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31049):

Chinese Factory Worker Can't Believe The *expletive deleted*it He Makes For Americans

June 15, 2005 | Issue 41"24

FENGHUA, CHINAChen Hsien, an employee of Fenghua Ningbo Plastic Works Ltd., a plastics factory that manufactures lightweight household items for Western markets, expressed his disbelief Monday over the "sheer amount of *expletive deleted*it Americans will buy."

"Often, when we're assigned a new order for, say, 'salad shooters,' I will say to myself, 'There's no way that anyone will ever buy these,'" Chen said during his lunch break in an open-air courtyard. "One month later, we will receive an order for the same product, but three times the quantity. How can anyone have a need for such useless *expletive deleted*it?"

Chen, 23, who has worked as an injection-mold operator at the factory since it opened in 1996, said he frequently asks himself these questions during his workweek, which exceeds 60 hours and earns him the equivalent of $21.

"I hear that Americans can buy anything they want, and I believe it, judging from the things I've made for them," Chen said. "And I also hear that, when they no longer want an item, they simply throw it away. So wasteful and contemptible."

Among the items that Chen has helped create are plastic-bag dispensers, microwave omelet cookers, glow-in-the-dark page magnifiers, Christmas-themed file baskets, animal-shaped contact-lens cases, and adhesive-backed wall hooks.

"Sometimes, an item the factory produces resembles nothing I've ever seen," Chen said. "One time, we made something that looked like a ladle, but it had holes in its cup and a handle that bent down 90 degrees. The foreman told us that it was a soda-can holder for an automobile. If you are lucky enough to own a car, sit back and enjoy the journey. Save the soda beverage for later."

Chen added: "A cup holder is not a necessary thing to own."

Chen expressed similar confusion over the tens of thousands of pineapple corers, plastic eyeshades, toothpick dispensers, and dog pull-toys that he has helped manufacture.

"Why the demand for so many kitchen gadgets?" Chen said. "I can understand having a good wok, a rice cooker, a tea kettle, a hot plate, some utensils, good china, a teapot with a strainer, and maybe a thermos. But all these extra thingswhere do the Americans put them? How many times will you use a taco-shell holder? 'Oh, I really need this silverware-drawer sorter or I will have fits.' Shut up, stupid American."

Chen added that many of the items break after only a few uses.

"None are built to last very long," Chen said. "That is probably so the Americans can return to buy more. Not even the badly translated assembly instructions deter them. If I bought a kitchen item that came with such poor Mandarin instructions, I would return the item immediately."

May Gao of the Hong Kong-based labor-advocacy group China Labour Bulletin said complaints like Chen's are common among workers in China's bustling industrial cities.

"Last week, I took testimony from several young female workers from Shenzhen who said they were locked in a work room for 18 straight hours making inflatable Frisbees," Gao said. "Finally, the girls joined hands on the factory floor and began to chant, 'No more insane flying toys for Western pigs!' They quickly lost their jobs and were ostracized by their families, but the incident was a testament to China's growing disillusionment with producing needless crap for fat-ass foreigners."

Continued Gao: "As Chinese manufacturing and foreign investment continue to grow, and more silly novelty products are invented, we can expect to see more of these protests."

In the meantime, Chen continues to stew in bitterness. Though he dislikes his work, competition for manufacturing jobs in Fenghua is stiff and he must support his wife, mother, and 2-year-old son.

"My cousin Yuen is self-employed," Chen said. "He disassembles old computers that are acquired from overseas and extracts the traces of valuable gold and silver from the circuit boards. He asked me to join him. The work is very toxic, but at least I would not be looking at suction-cup razor holders and jumbo-dice keychains all day."

Chen added: "For now, I must refuse the job. Somehow, the only thing more depressing than making plastic *expletive deleted*it for Americans is destroying the plastic *expletive deleted*it they send back."
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Typhoon

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« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2005, 11:09:15 AM »
Well, fine then, Preacherman.  I guess we won't be getting YOU any combination omlette cooker-taco shell holder-salad shooters for Christmas!  cheesy
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onions!

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« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2005, 11:38:31 AM »
Vewwy vewwy funny.

41Ihaveasaladshootermag

garrettwc

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« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2005, 11:48:38 AM »
Anybody wanna bet Ol' Chen won't be getting a Christmas card from Ron Popeil? Cheesy

280plus

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« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2005, 01:16:14 PM »
My mother in law resembles those remarks... shocked

I think she's owned(s) every POS he mentions in the article and has given many of them for CHristmas presents and the like.

Before I met her I used to wonder who in their right mind would buy this crap. Now I know!

Don't tell my wife I said that...

Cheesy
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Monkeyleg

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« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2005, 01:25:07 PM »
Funny, but true. A lot of gifts I get stay right in the package. That way my wife gets a better price for them at her rummage sales.

crt360

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« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2005, 02:19:09 PM »
Great article.  I bought some cheap Chinese crap recently.  It's actually pretty cool.  I got a little digital desktop calendar that has the time, date, temperature, calculator, time in other cities, currency conversion, and who knows what else.  It was $4.00 new.  I use it all the time.

"I can understand having a good wok, a rice cooker, a tea kettle, a hot plate, some utensils, good china, a teapot with a strainer, and maybe a thermos. But all these extra thingswhere do the Americans put them? How many times will you use a taco-shell holder? 'Oh, I really need this silverware-drawer sorter or I will have fits.' Shut up, stupid American."

I have a good wok; it's stuffed away in a box somewhere with my tea kettle that I haven't used in years.  Why do I need good china when I can buy some decent Chinese-made dinnerware at the dollar store for $0.25 per dish?  I don't know what a taco-shell holder looks like, but who doesn't use a silverware-drawer sorter?

What he doesn't realize is that most Americans are taking advantage of his cheap ass labor now, while they still can.  China is already manufacturing some quality stuff.  At the moment we are benefiting from low prices, the (mostly American) companies that contract the Chinese work are making nice profits and the Chinese laborers are still getting $21 a week.  This won't last forever.  As soon as the Chinese start up their own companies that are able to compete in the various markets that they are already manufacturing for, they will reap the profits, their labor will demand more pay and Chen will find himself the proud owner of a salad shooter.
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buy guns

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« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2005, 02:59:17 PM »
sounds like mr. chen is jealous of america's wealth.

Modifiedbrowning

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« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2005, 04:25:29 PM »
The Onion is funny stuff. I recently checked it out for the first time in a long time. I found this article to be hilarious.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27976
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matis

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« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2005, 05:12:00 PM »
Quote from: crt360
As soon as the Chinese start up their own companies that are able to compete in the various markets that they are already manufacturing for, they will reap the profits, their labor will demand more pay and Chen will find himself the proud owner of a salad shooter.
crt, that's the funniest remark I've read in ages!



The Onion may have some good stuff, but presenting this as evidence that we are fat-assed Americans is nonsense.



We are the most successful (with all of our problems) culture in history.  Our poor are far richer than Chen and his compatriots could imagine.  And that's his problem -- he's resentful and envious.


Our successful culture is a commercial culture.  That is the source of our abundance and freedom to choose even junk -- AND of our (relative) political freedom.

Some Americans buy silly stuff.  So what?  Chinese are all savants?

The point is that we can choose what to buy.  Chen makes a virtue out of necessity when he describes the little he needs.  On $21 a month he cannot afford to "need" very much.  Nor can he afford to "need" an MRI.  We can.


Those who want constraints on what others can buy and do and who hate "unsightly" commercial signs and who decry "materialism" are actually expressing resentment that they cannot sufficiently control other people.




I will however admit that I cannot fathom why anyone would want to shoot a salad?  Self-defence?




matis
Si vis pacem; para bellum.

Typhoon

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« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2005, 06:12:12 PM »
Mr. Chen appears to be a bright fellow.  It is unfortunate that he is stuck in a repressive society that only values him for his physical labor (or whatever the local cadre deems appropriate).

Perhaps Mr. Chen might rethink his position, and understand that it is the crappy consumer economy that will deliver him and his family out of the deprivation-based oppressive society that he has known.  Perhaps in a freer economy he might have more choices.  

China is positioned to become an economic powerhouse.  

And the United States should keep that very much in mind&
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280plus

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« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2005, 02:11:02 AM »
Quote
Our poor are far richer than Chen and his compatriots could imagine.
Most Americans do not realize that the AVERAGE man in the world lives on the street.

Quote
I will however admit that I cannot fathom why anyone would want to shoot a salad?  Self-defence?
LMAO...I've seen a few things in salads that I thought maybe needed shootin' !

Cheesy
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Antibubba

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« Reply #12 on: November 19, 2005, 09:24:59 PM »
Quote
...I cannot fathom why anyone would want to shoot a salad?  Self-defence?
Matis, it's a basic part of the Constitution.  The Founding Fathers said we should every one of us have salad shooters so the government would lettuce alone.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

Azrael256

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« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2005, 11:07:52 AM »
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

MicroBalrog

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« Reply #14 on: November 20, 2005, 11:41:35 PM »
Quote
I guess we won't be getting YOU any combination omlette cooker-taco shell holder-salad shooters for Christmas!
Nono. I was planning on giving the good preacher a TACTICAL combination omelette-cooker-tacoshellholder-saladshooter, made out of carbon fiber and designed to fit on Picatinni rail in an assault kitchen situation.
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Strings

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« Reply #15 on: November 21, 2005, 03:07:11 PM »
>Matis, it's a basic part of the Constitution.  The Founding Fathers said we should every one of us have salad shooters so the government would lettuce alone.<

That was just... my gawds, but that was bad. Somebody needs to PUNish him for his transgression...

Preacherman

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« Reply #16 on: November 21, 2005, 04:28:05 PM »
Yes, we ought to hit him in the pocketbook, and reduce his celery...

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Strings

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« Reply #17 on: November 21, 2005, 06:21:43 PM »
Preacherman... inn't there a Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Pun", or something similar?

Preacherman

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« Reply #18 on: November 21, 2005, 08:20:38 PM »
Actually, Rose, the expression you're looking for is "Divine PUNishment" - I provide it! Tongue
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Strings

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« Reply #19 on: November 21, 2005, 09:59:35 PM »
A man who would pun would pick a pocket. You're just EEEEEVIL, Preacherman! Wink

doczinn

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« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2005, 06:20:51 PM »
Quote
Somehow, the only thing more depressing than making plastic *expletive deleted*it for Americans is destroying the plastic *expletive deleted*it they send back.
There's something really deep in that...
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