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Relationship harassment!

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thebaldguy:
I never thought of myself as a victim...until now...

I am in a committed relationship with my girlfriend. I guess "girlfriend" is not a proper term, as my girl and I have been "living in sin" since the spring of 1988. We love each other, own a house together, own two cars together, share bank/brokerage accounts, and even have each other as beneficiaries on savings bonds and life insurance. We are "married" in every sense of the word except legally. Here in Minnesota, there is no such thing as "common law" marriage. My girl always jokes that if she didn't love me, she would have thrown me out years ago. By the way, she is a shooter as well. I love this woman!

Here's the problem: there are numerous female co-workers who have serious moral/ethical objections to our relationship. Negative comments have been rampant; I have ignored them for two years. My male co-workers don't care; they say, as long as we are both happy, who cares, right? I have put up with numerous comments from women such as, "if you love her, you'd marry her", or "I would never live with a man who wouldn't marry me", or, "what kind of woman would live with a man?". There have been many comments about her alleged "moral character" as well due to our relationship. I ignore the comments. Trust me, if she had problems with me, she is bold enough to throw me out. Really!

Women's opinions about my relationship at work boiled over this week at work. One woman stated loudly that "men are afraid to commit". I responded by saying, "some women are soooooooooooooo insecure that they need their relationship to be sanctioned by a church or state. They need the sanction of god and government over the word of an individual". They then went to Human Resources claiming that I am sexist and used sexual stereotypes. I had a "come to Jesus meeting(read the riot act)" meeting with my managers this morning. I defended myself with the fact that my relationship is my business, and my business alone. They told me to go back to HR and defend myself of the alligations. You can see that this situation at work is getting ugly, and will only get worse. It's going to turn into he said/she said, with only degrees of losing, with no winners.

I am going to tell HR next week that I was offended by the statements by the women in my department. As a white male, I already understand that I am an underdog here. I'm already thinking about a "lawyer up" over the comments. I am an "at will" employee, and know that they can fire me at any time for any reason. Does anyone have any other suggestions as to how to handle this situation?

Thank you in advance for your advice. Those that advise us to get married tomorrow will be sentenced to a lifetime membership to our least favorite anti gun group, my choice.

Guest:
I'd make a formal complaint. Marital status is protected against harrassment and discrimination.

(To clarify: as long as you aren't gay, its protected. If you were both the same gender, you'd be fair game.)

P95Carry:
I take that all as somewhat of an invasion of your privacy.  You have a valid complaint but -

You and your SO have decided your lifestyle and degree of commitment - far as I am concerned anyone whining about it should go take a hike!!  Nosey, interfering, nothing-better-to-do idiots.

As to action - hey - ignore if at all possible and don't give these third parties the satisfaction of them seeing it get to you.  Flip them the bird - metaphorically!  I fear ''action'' could end up with you getting shot in the foot.

Guest:
I'd agree if the local hens hadn't started squawking but since they have, he should file his own complaint. His is much more valid than theirs, (based on what he's written.)

Jamisjockey:
Let me preface this with the fact that I work for the gubmint.  Its a system that encourages harrassment allegations on race, creed, sex and age, regardless of foundation.  BTDT with comments that were construed as racist and sexual harrassment.  
A) Stop discussing your relationship.  Work is work.  Make it clear that your relationship is off limits.  If anyone (especially the women) brings it up in an unfriendly context, make it clear that you are uncomfortable in the conversation and tell your supervisor.  Write down times, dates, places in the office, witnesses and your best recollection of what was said.
B) Find a labor attorney, and pay the retainer fee.  
C) Stop discussing your personal life.
D) Did I mention stop discussing your personal life?
E) Grovel before HR.  They are the evil catberts that control life.  Apologize for creating a scene and having an outburst.  Make it clear that you were made uncomfortable by the women, that they are stereotyping your, asking uncomfortable questions, and harrassing you about your lifestyle choices.  Choose your words carefully.  If you've gotten yourself a labor attorney, bring them.
F) if all else fails, claim you are gay/bisexual/transgendered.  That'll stop HR in thier tracks.  

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