Friend's marriage in trouble; talk to him?

[Monkeyleg]

A friend of mine has been married for roughly twenty years, and the marriage has always been great.

A couple of years ago he took a new job, and it's really affecting him. It consumes him.

Previously, they lived very frugally, and were very happy. He could easily go back to his old job.

Yesterday I was talking with his wife, and she started letting things out. They're both very religious, and she doesn't want to go so far as divorce...if possible.

He and I are friends, but we've never discussed anything intimate about our lives. I really hate to see the marriage going this way.

Should I talk to him, or just butt out?

[stevelyn]

Butt out. It's their business, not yours.

[bermbuster]

Butt out. It's their business, not yours.

Yes, but.  "Be there" for your friend.  My experience, limited as it may be, is that men don't "open up" to friends as easily as women do when the chips are down.

Personal experience...one of our best friends had a problem with his son who attempted to take his life in a foreign country.  Long story, I won't bore you with the details.  My spouse speaks the language of the country the kid was in.  I told him you HAVE to call (friend) and help him.  I had learned of the problem through the wife.  I said he needs you NOW, call him and offer your help with translation and getting through to the people near his kid who can help him.  He called.  The friend opened up.  Long story short, it made our friends' lives easier through a very difficult time even if it was simply translation and contact skills.

I can't tell you what to do with your friend.  Every situation is different.  Just stay close in case he needs to talk.

[TarpleyG]

I disagree but I am like that.  I think you should approach it gently but by all means speak to him, especially if these are people you care about.  My BIL does the same thing--works all the time and his wife hates it.  $500,000 mortgage, 2 new cars, and a wife that doesn't work will do that to you.

Greg

[Silver Bullet]

Maybe some insight would be provided if you consider the situation in reverse.  If your marriage was in trouble as you describe his to be, would you want him talking to you ?

[...has left the building.]

If he were like a brother to me I would say something, if anything less, I'd be silent.

[Felonious Monk/Fignozzle]

Daniel Flory -- +1.
You mentioned the friendship between you and your buddy has been kept pretty light and superficial.
However, his wife has opened up and mentioned the difficulties.  

If it were SWMBO and I in your shoes, I'd have my wife let her know that both of you are willing to help in any way needed, but leave it at that.  

They've gotta talk it out, you can't be the go-between without an invitation.

[Waitone]

He knows he has problems.  He may not want to admit it, but the realization of trouble is there.

[Sergeant Bob]

She sounds like a bored housewife, looking for a little excitement in her life.

[Big_R]

If you haven't discussed anything personal with him, don't make his marriage the first thing.

If he brings it up, listen and offer to help.

Ryan