Maybe this is closure for me, or maybe just my ego. But I'm the son my father wrote about almost 10 years ago.
My father passed on almost 4 years ago, suicide with a snub-nose .38.
Long story short, yes I *expletive deleted*ed up in college by spending beyond my means. That was absolutely due to an entitlement mentality that because all the rich kids could have fun, why couldn't I.
The *expletive deleted*ck-up my father referred to was me losing my ROTC scholarship my senior year because I failed the 2 mile run while sick with the flu. The "technical" error that my father referred to was that it was my first and only mistake, and even the military has to work with you to resolve the problem before cutting ties. So yes, I was reinstated, passed my run just fine and served with honor and distinction as an Army officer, even serving in those desert countries so many read about.
And while I love my father, my entire life ( I was the oldest son and first born) was spent trying to live up to his impossible standards. My father didn't mention how every Sunday after Church (he would force me to go and stay at home and play with his guns) he would apologize for all the cruel things he had said during the week and swore he would never do them again, only to attack me hours later. My father was so loving, that when I was 7, he took the dog they had got me for my birthday present and walked it into the garage with one of his rifles and told me he was going to shoot my dog. How hilarious it must have been to listen to your son cry and bang on the door begging his father not to shoot his dog! Dad thought it was hysterical. 25 years later I'm still trying to figure out the joke.
What my father didn't mention is that his attention was so focused on me that he completely neglected his other Son (who was strangely absent from this post) who is now 30, still lives at home with my mother and has never held a full time job in his life. Not to mention his 3 DUIs and the fact we have to get special permission for him to be released from jail to attend my father's funeral. Maybe if dad had been more worried about being a parent and not a friend, he wouldn't have argued with mom every time my brother stole $20 that they couldn't prove which child stole the money. One time the four of us (Mom, Dad, Sister and I) returned from a family outing to find the lock box they kept their money in pried open while only my brother was home. Yet that wasn't proof enough that my brother was the culprit. Just as my father did nothing after my brother started drinking at 13 and one time was absent from school for 45 days straight.
Maybe, just maybe instead of bitching on the internet about me (the one who made Captain, has a bronze star and now works for a Fortune 500) he had focused on my brother's truly deplorable behavior, my brother wouldn't be a 30 year old waste of space.
I don't want you to think I harbor resentment for my father. I don't. I love him with all my heart and would do anything if I could bring him back.
Yes, I acknowledge my father helped me. He did hand me $20 here and there. But he never paid a dime for my college. I had the ROTC scholarship with stipend and had loans that my mother cosigned (Dad told me what a disappointment I was when ROTC kicked me out and openly mocked me in front of family and friends alike - that's why our relationship was strained when he wrote this) and that I have entirely paid off on my own.
So to my point, there are always two sides to a story. I understand my father used this forum to vent like any other human. Hell, I don't even know if this reply will go through. I only found it googling my father's user name to see what he may have posted online. But here's the kicker and why I swear I will be more patient with my son....
I always knew my father and grandfather had a falling out. But I didn't know the details until my uncle told the story after my father passed. My grandfather DID pay for my dad to goto college. My grandfather had served in WW2 and had been a steel worker after the war. So he understood how important an education can be. My uncle and aunt went to college (paid for by my grandfather) and did well. My father on the other hand didn't do well in college. And while I may have been an idiot who wracked up $20k in debt, I always did what was necessary to get by. I had a job since I was 16 and my father never had to encourage me, in fact he stopped me from getting a paper route when I was younger because "it didn't pay enough for the work." But dad failed out of college and chose to enlist in 1972. Grandfather didn't like that and encouraged Dad to apply himself and get a degree. Dad was determined to join the Army, and grandfather left him saying "If you want to be a loser all of your life, I won't stop you." Those same words were said to me.
My point is try to listen and understand the other person's viewpoint. Maybe you're not the nice guy you think you are. Maybe your son is a *expletive deleted*ck up. But pick up the phone and have a conversation. And remember, words have power and like a bullet, they can't be taken back once they're out.
