Recently, I've sat back and looked at my position in life, and realized that I'm not satisified with it at all. I'm asking myself a lot more every morning, "Why bother?" I wake up, go to work, come home, sleep (somewhat poorly), lather, rinse, repeat. I'm 23 years old and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile in life. My finances aren't in too good a shape, I don't really like my job, but I don't want to quit my job for fear of starting over. Don't really have an education outside of a few years of tech school and what I learned on the job, which doesn't really reinforce my self worth any. I really like (most of) the people I work with, one of the bright things during my day, and I don't want to have to start from scratch at a new job again. But financially and morally, what I do just isn't satisfying anymore.
I think I'm gonna find a councilor or doctor or something to talk to, but I don't know what to say or do. My life is a story of contradictions, I work 50+ hours a week and don't have anything to show for it, still living with my parents. I've gone to school for four years for my trade, but I'm still in the low, low average salary bracket for my profession. Living at home means I don't have any bills like a mortrage, utilities, property taxes, etc. to worry about, but I'm still living check to check, with poorly managed finances between credit cards, an auto loan, and tool bills. I feel like I'm being pulled in about 50 different directions and I haven't been ripped apart yet. A friend of a friend made the suggestion that I should see someone, and that I might want to look into some anti depressants, but I've always thought those were for people waaaayyyy further out there than I am. I took an online test at Prozac.com, the Zing test or something, and I scored a 51; they say anything 50 or over should be reviewed with a specialist. Then there are the really dark times, where I'm contemplating what would it be like if I were dead. Fortunately, the "life of contradictions" intervenes, since if I were, that'd just put all my burdens onto my parents and friends, which would make me feel even worse, they don't deserve that. I've made my bed, and I'll dig myself out of it somehow.
I guess this is just me venting before I go see a doctor. All my close friends moved on with their lives after we graduated from high school, and the guys I work with, even though they're good friends and all, I can't really consider them as friends in the same regard that I would my childhood friends who I grew up with.