Author Topic: Question: Why is it the person you love the most... (Read 13593 times)

uvakat · « **on:** March 23, 2005, 01:30:47 PM »

can hurt you so badly? How is it somebody can tell you they love you and want a life with you and then the next morning tell you that he doesn't know about there being an us anymore? And why is it I feel pathetic that I have to go to a web forum to ask these questions?

SpookyPistolero · « **Reply #1 on:** March 23, 2005, 01:59:18 PM »

I'm very sorry to hear that someone hurt you like that. It is quite frustrating to make ourselves vulnerable to someone else by saying we love them enough to share things with them that we don't show to anyone else. When those feelings get abused or taken lightly, it's not easy.

I have gone through similar experiences. People can be very fickle about things that we might take most seriously. This seems to accompany youth most often, probably because some people confuse emotions with real changes in heart, like loving someone (wanting what is best for them always). He also may not have the discipline of heart not to resist some fears of commitment he might have, instead of talking through them with you.

My mom always used to say 'this too shall pass,' and I never knew how good the advice was until I was knee deep in woes. Make sure that you take care of yourself first. Realize that he is the one with the issues to work out, they are his problems. If he is vastly inconsiderate or hurtful, then at least you found out sooner rather than later. Love yourself, and be your own person not dependent on another for your happiness.

I hope some of this is relevant to your situation and I hope it's not insulting. I have very few 'answers' to life's questions, just some observations from personal experiences. It sucks trusting someone who betrays that. I usually take relationships very slowly for just this reason, and rarely put too much of myself 'on the line' until I know the nature of a person well.

Good luck, take care of yourself.

-Spooky

grampster · « **Reply #2 on:** March 23, 2005, 02:13:22 PM »

Uvakat,

You gotta talk to somebody. Why not friends? We be friends, no?

The beautiful thing about time is that it passes. This too will pass. Hard to grasp right now... or be able to feature. It will, though. I am old and been through a lot of the same and others even worse.
At some point you will stumble across the "one" and he will worship the ground you walk on and that will never change, or maybe it will. That is also the beauty and pain of life. ..nothing is certain. Think about it? Would you want the boredom of always knowing a thing?
I think not, kat.

Hang in and do something indulgent. I got a 9000S I'll sell ya for a good price. heh. Through in some Fed hydra shok too.

uvakat · « **Reply #3 on:** March 23, 2005, 02:17:31 PM »

I know Grampster... I know... and I guess I do need to talk to somebody but I think I needed an objective viewpoint you know?

grampster · « **Reply #4 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:06:22 PM »

Well, how long have you had a relationship? Maybe he just scared himself when it dawned on him the commitment he made. Men are like that, you know. Women are very serious about what they say. Men say things, and really do mean them, but then have second thoughts, and scare themselves. Then they do stupid things.
Before I married swmbo 38 years ago, I backed out of several relationships and I was a s**t for doing so. I probably gave some women serious reason to think I was moving forward when I really had no concept of that. Maybe he doesn't grasp the depth of your feelings for him. Maybe he does and it scares him because men take on the burden of provider and they think they are maybe losing their freedom. (silly boys)
You need to be rational here and not let your heart run the project. I know it's difficult, but you need to try and figure what's going on inside of his head and heart. I can't tell you how to do that, except to offer to you that you need to be aware that you need to be careful and thoughtful.
I think what you need not do is resort to ultimatums or get weepy with him. Ultimatum puts him in a corner and weepy makes him embarrassed. Neigher are a good thing for a relationship.
At some point you may find out it was the best thing in the world that he backed off. You learned something, maybe, that is important about his character.
Chin up kiddo.

grampster

spacemanspiff · « **Reply #5 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:18:36 PM »

Quote

And why is it I feel pathetic that I have to go to a web forum to ask these questions?

because we rule! cheesy

before long you'll start thinking that all men are dogs. truly, that gives us men far too much credit.

dogs are loyal to their master.

uvakat · « **Reply #6 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:19:46 PM »

lol... umm yeah and dogs are actually very easily trainable...

jamz · « **Reply #7 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:22:30 PM »

Women= Pure, concentrated Evil.*

Love, James

*Men too.

uvakat · « **Reply #8 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:23:35 PM »

HEY!!! I'll have you know we're not evil...

Lennyjoe · « **Reply #9 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:49:35 PM »

Women are the root of all evil, not money.

Hope everything works out for you.

uvakat · « **Reply #10 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:50:49 PM »

HEY!!!!! I take offense to that Lenny... then again you're from Tucson so I can forgive that, cause if Tucson females are anything like my roommate... I can understand that sentiment

grampster · « **Reply #11 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:54:24 PM »

Er, Uvakat, In my last post to you I think I said it might be difficult to know what was going on in his head. My bad. It's really simple....beer, guns, breasts, cars. Not necessarilly in that order.

SpookyPistolero · « **Reply #12 on:** March 23, 2005, 03:58:08 PM »

"Forget the dames, buy more guns."

uvakat · « **Reply #13 on:** March 23, 2005, 04:00:18 PM »

LOL... okay okay you guys thanks for making me laugh I needed it... *hugs all around*

spacemanspiff · « **Reply #14 on:** March 23, 2005, 04:34:37 PM »

Quote

beer, guns, breasts, cars.

well since i stopped drinking i dont think much about beer.
and since i havent had a car in like 7 years, i dont think much about cars.

now i can focus on whats really important. the guns i'll never afford to own and the breasts attached to chicks i'll never be suave enough to swoon.

Cheesy

grampster · « **Reply #15 on:** March 23, 2005, 05:09:58 PM »

Uhh, Spiff,

You gots WA. He be what? 38D?

Phantom Warrior · « **Reply #16 on:** March 23, 2005, 05:12:33 PM »

Quote

Uhh, Spiff,

You gots WA. He be what? 38D?

That ain't right...

Winston Smith · « **Reply #17 on:** March 23, 2005, 05:18:36 PM »

Money = evil
Time = money

women = (time x money); or women= evil^2

I was just on the other side of that situation you are speaking of uvakat, and if he is anything like me, he is desperately hurting too. He feels like a dirtbag, hates himself and his changing feelings.

What do I know, anyway?

"Lord, give us love in the time that we have..."
-Iron and Wine

spacemanspiff · « **Reply #18 on:** March 23, 2005, 11:34:13 PM »

Quote

You gots WA. He be what? 38D?

more like a 42a. they dont call WA "floppy" for no reason, ya dig?

but since he shaved his head, it just doesnt work for me anymore. i used to be able to squint and almost believe he was a really ugly old chick, but now he just looks like a really old and overweight sade.

but have no fear! my prag is running around here somewhere. ooohhhhh carebear???

matt1911 · « **Reply #19 on:** March 24, 2005, 01:59:50 AM »

Dear Grampster and Spiff,
You guys have ruined more keyboards due to "folgers nasal spray" than i care to count! Thanks for the mental image,i'm sure that'll be with me all day!
Matt

charby · « **Reply #20 on:** March 24, 2005, 04:55:18 AM »

Uvakat

Its simple: stupid people don't follow their heart, you don't want that person around. You'll find a nice fellow that loves you and follows his heart and all will be right in the world. I'm in the same boat as you, I think so is another fellow on here, now if I can only find one of those one in three females* in central Iowa that owns a few pistolas. Don't feel stupid for going on a web forum, its good to ask and vent and be relatively unknown.

Charby

*Gallup polls said that one in three females owns a firearm.

Ktulu · « **Reply #21 on:** March 24, 2005, 05:59:38 AM »

Here's my take on the "L" word:

Everybody wants it.
Most people don't know when they've got it.
A lot of people think they have it and don't.
Many people, for many reasons, lie to themselves and others about having it.
Several have it but constantly question its validity.
Few know they have it and have absolutely no doubt about it.
Fewer still never had it and never will.

I would guess that your guy is either like a lot of people or one of the many or confused. Find out which one.

Enough of this sappy talk. Boobs, guns, ROCK AND ROLL!

Indy7373 · « **Reply #22 on:** March 24, 2005, 06:51:11 AM »

I know the feeling. I think, for me anyway, is the issue of trust. I expect some people to try to screw with me or screw me over, but I trust very few not to. Those I trust, when they do betray or hurt you, cuts so much deeper becuase of this.

Just remember, On the best day, on the worst day, the sun finally sets. As they say, time heals.

Sean Smith · « **Reply #23 on:** March 24, 2005, 06:59:07 AM »

Quote from: uvakat

can hurt you so badly? How is it somebody can tell you they love you and want a life with you and then the next morning tell you that he doesn't know about there being an us anymore? And why is it I feel pathetic that I have to go to a web forum to ask these questions?

First, uvakat, I don't think some of the posters have figured out your gender. Some of us ain't close readers, ya know. Tongue

Second, on the subject, I dunno. Many people talk, but few really communicate. A trite answer, but often too true. Also, people often know that a relationship won't work, but don't want to admit it to themselves... sometimes people are more surprised than they should be.

uvakat · « **Reply #24 on:** March 24, 2005, 09:05:41 AM »

I'm FEMALE!!!! better Sean? and Indy you do have a point... I let him in and that's why it hurts soo bad... sadly he might be reading this now... oh well that's what happens when you date a gun nut like urself.

News:

Author Topic: Question: Why is it the person you love the most... (Read 13593 times)