Am I just eruidite, or are my expectations way too high?

[vaskidmark]

I think I'm in big trouble with the Significant Other.  The nicest thing she called me was a pissant - that may be a clue.

We went to the Indian Cultural Fair and food fest today.  To kick everything off there was a an announcement "that in keeping with our Shik religion Mr. So-and-so will offer a "shabat" [as close phonetically as I can get it] which seemed to be a sort of prayer.  While this was being chanted by the leader, a whole bunch of kids sat in a line on either side of him holding white posterboards with symbols of about 15 different religions (christian cross, jewish star, muslim cresent & star, tao gateway, rosacrucian [at a loss how to describe it, but I've seen it before], etc.).

After our meal and deciding that neither of us cared for the decible level or high pitch of the music, we departed.  I made a comment about the display of the religious symbols and got a response that bothers me.  The SO asked why they had all those "religious signs" there, and I turned the question back at her for a response.  (OK, maybe the Socratic method was not a great choice at that moment.)  Anyhow, the SO floundered a bit and then came up empty-handed.  She asked me to provide wisdom and understanding.

I asked if she knew what the various signs represented, and she said she could recognize 3 - christian cross, jewish star & muslim cresent & star.  I encouraged her to consider what the others might be, and was both surprised and taken aback when she said she had no idea, but would guess they were symbols of whatever specific religion the folks hosting the festival were.  (OK, awkward construction.  Send me to the Grammar Nazis for correction.)

I asked her if she had heard the announcement of the "shabat" and she said yes and figured it was some sort of prayer.  I asked her if she knew what religion most of the people there were, and the SO said she guessed they were Hindu, being as this was an Indian Cultural Festival and all.  Things started to go south when I asked if she had noticed most of the men wore turbans which also covered their beards, and all the young boys were wearing some sort of cloth over their hair, which was up in a ball on the top of their head, and if that meant anything to her.

OK, the SO has had a bad cold for the last 10 days, and today was the first day up & about for more than an hour at a stretch.  But could someone not know the difference between Hindu & Sihk and recognize one from another?  I asked the SO [no, not is those exact words] and asked if she knew anything about the current geopolitics of India and the Sihks [yes, in those exact words].

I find out the SO does not know a Sihk from a Souix, and thinks the USA is currently on great terms with both India & Pakistan.

I am floored!  I am aghast, befudled and flummoxed.

Is my expectation too high that "everybody over the age of 21, being a college graduate, who at least watches the 6 PM TV News" would know about the Sihk independence movement, the current state of distrust between Pakistan and the USA over Islamo-terrorists, and be able to figure out that a display of multiculturalism <*spit*> and diversity <*spit*> would be a "good thing" in light of the current world situation?

Right now my mental state could be described as exasperated, astonished, and disgusted.  I know I probably know more than the SO about a lot of things - I'm 3 years older (her point) & have the advantage of having grown up travelling around the world, as well as just seeing more of both the upper and lower ends of human nature in action.  But was I right to "expect"  [that got me the "pissant" retort] that the SO should have worked out that a display of multiculturalism <*spit*> and diversity <*spit*> would be a "good thing" in light of the current world situation?  I read Bill Bennett's   Cultural Intelligence and thought he was missing a few things but agreed that his list was a good minimum beginning point.

Please talk to me.  Am I an eruidite pissant, are my expectations way too high, or is there a possible other option?  

I know I am in trouble with the SO.  Chocolate, back & foot rubs, and a night of chick flicks are not going to cure that situation, so do not go there.

stay safe.

skidmark

[K Frame]

My take? Your expectations are too high.

Not everyone spends their time, or even wants to spend their time, looking so far outward.

When I was younger I traveled overseas a number of times. I was very interested in other areas of the world, religions, cultures, people.

Now I live in Washington, DC, and I get just enough to make me realize that I want to move back to nicely homogeneous, redneck, central Pennsylvania and worry about my piece of land, the neighbors around it, perhaps the people in whatever church I choose to attend, and my circle of friends.

Everything else?

If there's one thing that the last 20 years of my life have proven to me it's that "cultural understanding and diversity," while nice catch phrases, are largely bullshit.

At this point, I wouldn't really care if the rest of the world got eaten by Langoliers.

Yeah, I'm cynical.

[...has left the building.]

My wife is beautiful, artistic, emotionally intelligent and I can hold just about any kind of theoretical conversation with her. That said, she doesn't know jack about current political events, especially global issues. Your SO probably felt that you were belittling her by asking her tough questions...which you were. She went the festival to hang out with you and get some awesome food I'd guess, not to be lectured on the Indian political situation. The way to rectify the situation is the apologize to her and also let her know that she does many things better than you (and don't say washing dishes)

[Ron]

I had to Google the esoteric reference to "Langoliers".

Yes, your expectations are too high if you don't want to be disappointed.

Being a part time news junkie informs me but certainly doesn't make me an expert on anything.

I know more about world events than most people I run into on a daily basis, most don't even seem to listen to or watch any news.

[Smith]

Jeez, lay the **** off.  One day she is going to make you feel about 1 inch tall over something you don't know and you'll where it came from...or...she will take the high road and never make you feel stupid.  You owe her an apology.

[Tallpine]

I'm with Mike Irwin on this one ...

Our neighbors have calves on the ground, the grass is greening up, it's supposed to rain again tomorrow, and my 3 yr old gelding is learning to stand quietly while being saddled.  What else is there to care about ...?  

[jefnvk]

I can't tell the difference between a Sikh and a Hindu.  Nor do I know the current geopolitical movement of the Sikhs in India.

[grampster]

Just because you hang out here with folks who actually pay attention to things beyond a 2 foot radius, doesn't mean everybody else is as bright as we are about a multitude of things.    I mean that with a great deal of respect.

Hey, nearly 50% of those who voted in the last election voted for Kerry!  A little over 50% voted for Gore the time before.  Not that that grants any particular efficacy to the winner, but at least the philosophical vision that seems to be grounded in reality went in the direction of the winner, voter wise the last couple outings.

Look at the rating for shows on the idiot box.  I'll bet the ratings for the History Channel et al don't compare to the ones that celebrate the latest reality star's contemplation of his/her belly button while racing around the world to see who gets to eat some slimy concoction.

The best our education system can come up with to rationalize the huge sums of money we grant them is a testing system that is without merit.  Never mind the kid can't read or add or actually know who is the President of the United States;  can he pass the test is all that matters.  Ooh ooh our SAT scores are up!  Pffaaghh.

I'll get of my soapbox now.

  You can be amazed at SO's lack of geopoliltics, but you would be well advised to keep your amazement to yourself as you tactfully begin to quietly illuminate her in a gentlemanly way whenever opportunity presents itself.  In the meantime, you need to tell her you are sorry that you became bellicose with her due to her lack of caring about what goes on in India or Pakistan.  It would have been better for you to have said I wonder what all those symbols were, lets go look them up on the internet.  A back rub is way more important than knowing a symbol.

[garyk/nm]

Pissant was the best she could come up with?  Well, you did say that she had been ill.  Another P word that comes to mind is pedantic.  Your expectations are so high as to exclude half of the State Department.
No, I don't know Sikh from Shinola, either.

[matis]

" Am I just eruidite, or are my expectations way too high?"



Both!



I can relate to your predicament.


Our way of handling this is a mutual acknowledgement that I am the resident genius around here (yep -- redundant!) and she can't even come close.  I mean, it IS important to be truthful, isn't it.  One can be tactful in short spurts.  But constantly?  Sounds like a good set-up for ulcers or a heart-attack!


Now that we have that out of the way -- so what?


She knows that she is "really" smarter and I'm a jerk.  




I had to suffer 2 divorces before I finally learned that the wife doesn't have to be in my league for us to have a good relationship.  In fact I may have had this all bass ackwards.



What counts is that we are happy together.  I have a much better relationship with her than with my previous wives who were chosen, in part, with my old erroneous (for me) criteriun.



We have things worked out.   For instance we share food duties 50/50.


She cooks and I eat.


You don't think that I'm a male chauvinist, do you?    


Maybe I'm just extra blessed with her?



matis

[The Rabbi]

I spent 3 years in college graduating with a BA magna cum laude, 1 year at Oxford, and 4 years in grad school after that.  I read the WSJ every day.  I dont think I could articulate even 1 difference between a Sikh and a Hindu.  Just not something I ever spent time reading about or looking into.  I could articulate many differences between Chabad chassidus and Satmar chassidus, because that is something I spent time looking into.
Short of it: Your SO sounds like she's fine.  I think you have the problem.

[Moondoggie]

I think your presentation of your knowledge to your SO lacked, uh, finesse...for starters.

You know a lot about something that she (and most of the rest of the world) just don't care about.  Why rub her nose in it?  This is not the path to a mutually satisfying long-term relationship.

I have a BA, spent 26 yrs in the Marines, am self-employed with my own S-type corp, and have absolutely zero idea of what the difference between a Sunni Muslim and a *expletive deleted*it Muslim is.  Don't care, either.  I'm just incredulous that in the 21st century folks are willing to commit indescriminate mass murder simply over religious differences.  How far we've evolved as a species.....NOT!

How much curry did it take to make that fryed cat edible?

[O.F.Fascist]

I could probably tell the difference between a Sihk, and a typical indian, based on the garb they are wearing.

That being said I dont know the "real" differences between the two, nor will it likely matter to me in my day to day life if I do not.

I do know a bunch of other random facts and things, and I try to stay educated on certain things, however the average American probably does not no as it does not matter to them or affect them one way or the other.

[Antibubba]

If you're asking at this point, it's apparent you didn't marry her for her intellectual capabilities.   I also wouldn't have used "pissant".  "Prick" is the word that comes to mind.  I hope this isn't a habit for you, because if it is, you might want to talk to a therapist about it.

Apologize, and blame it on the dahl.

[K Frame]

Oh, and one final thought...

If you're only now learning this about your SO, and are so amazed by it, you're not erudite.

You might have had your head up your arse for however long you two have been together, but you're certainly not erudite.

[gunsmith]

I was dating a lawyer  (I only graduated high school) during the last presidential election cycle
we had an argument about politics and she said  "I know more about politics then you will ever know"

So I asked her to name three of the people vying for the Democrat spot on the ticket...no answer...
I asked her "who is the vice president" ...no answer!
( and no home cooked dinner for three days )

We were looking at a world map together (no countries named) when that Tsunami  hit the south pacific and she asked me where Thailand was..I was shocked! she couldn't even find China or India!!!
(that time I played it smart and told her how un important stuff like that is)

I bet you your SO knows things you don't... like who is on the OC,  what was snoop doggs latest project is
and what awards broke back mtn won at the oscars...you know ...important stuff .

(no slam meant at the gals here on aps & thr, I mean how many of your gal pals know the difference between class three and semi auto?)

sounds like you have the same problem as me ...but Anne Coulter and Michelle Malkin
never return my phone calls...

[vaskidmark]

If one person calls you a jackass, think nothing of it.  If two call you a jackass, consider the possibilities.  If three call you a jackass, get a saddle.  Will someone please tighten my cinch?

I will be at the florist & chocolate shops as soon as they open, and will hit the drugstore for massage stuff on the way.

My thanks to all for helping me understand myself a little better, and for being as kind as you all were in explaining it to me.  I'll lert you know later (after I have some experience) what it's like to view things from outside my butthole.

stay safe.

skidmark

[bermbuster]

I didn't think you sounded like a jackass.  The whole thing just sounded like a conversation between two people who feel comfortable speaking their minds to each other without fear of long term damage or repercussions.  Consider yourself lucky.

[Justin]

At this point, I wouldn't really care if the rest of the world got eaten by Langoliers.

Brilliant!

[Justin]

Oh, and you misspelled "erudite" in the thread title.

[grampster]

APS, gotta love it.