Author Topic: My first time at a wedding like this  (Read 9574 times)

Monkeyleg

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My first time at a wedding like this
« on: April 16, 2011, 10:46:57 PM »
My wife and I were invited to the wedding of our neighbors' daughter. The husband owns an engineering consulting firm. They both seem like they come from well-to-do families, just judging from their manners, the way they talk, an air of dignity about them, and other signs they exhibit. They're not snooty, but they definitely have class.

The groom just graduated from law school. His father is a surgeon, so between the two families, the couple shouldn't have money worries.

The husband had told me there would be over 400 people at the wedding. It was held on the grounds of an 1830's mansion on the top of a small mountain overlooking our city. The view extends at least thirty miles. The mansion is owned by a friend of our neighbors.

We weren't quite sure what to expect. When we saw guys in suits directing us into a huge grassy area where hundreds of other cars were parked, we knew it wasn't a regular wedding.

There were employees of the catering company taking people to and from their cars in golf carts. When we got to the huge tent in front of the mansion, there were already hundreds of people gathered. There were tables with silver trays of hors d'oeuvres. There was a large band playing in the background. It was an excellent band.

The crowd wasn't the usual we're used to seeing at weddings. Most of the people looked to be very well off. As we watched them milling about, I was reminded of the wedding scene from "The Godfather" (absent Luca Brazzi, of course).

The ceremony was held in the back yard (if that's what you'd call it), with the view of the city behind the minister. The service was short, but I managed to do a rough count of chairs. There were ~420 chairs, and there were a lot of people standing as well.

After the service was the food, and the menu was like nothing I'd ever seen at a wedding. It wasn't ham and potato salad (although they had that, too). It was an enormous spread.

It was like a wedding you'd see in a movie. I started estimating costs, and figured it must have been at least $30K. The food alone was at least $15K. This wasn't a $10 a plate meal.

After the meal there were more treats, including a chocolate stand, with two women from a local, expensive hand-made chocolate store handing out all sorts of goodies. I've bought chocolates at that store before. A few pieces cost $20. I probably ate $20 worth of chocolate in the few minutes I stood there.

I saw an example of the photographer's work, a formal portrait of the bride, and it's one of the best bridal portraits I've ever seen. I don't compliment other photographers very often (few photographers do), but I made it a point to find him and give him my compliments. That kind of work doesn't come cheap. He had assistant photographers doing shots of people at their tables, and videographers as well as his own assistant. I wouldn't be surprised if his bill was 5K or even $10K. One of the photographers had driven down here (AL) from Kentucky, so it must have been worth something for him.

The band played again. It was a nine-member band, with a female lead singer, a male lead singer/keyboard player, lead guitarist, base guitarist, drummer, sax player, two horn players, and one other member who played multiple instruments. Again, far better than I've seen at any other wedding, and I've attended or photographed a lot of weddings.

I know that there are people who have this kind of money to spend, but I've never really travelled in their circles, and so haven't seen something like this, except in the movies. It's mind-boggling.

It was a wonderful time, but it certainly reminded me that I'm part of the middle of the middle class.


Boomhauer

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2011, 10:52:41 PM »
I'm betting $30K is a lowball estimate...

People get crazy about weddings... I've heard multiple reports of couples, ordinary, middle class couples (i.e, 40-50K a year) THROWING $70K+ WEDDINGS. Thats right, taking loans out for a one day ceremony, one so expensive they can't afford to pay outright...all so the bride can have her "perfect day". I'm just a simple redneck, but it does seem to me that money would have been far better spent on say, a house...

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2011, 11:13:07 PM »
You think that's expensive? You should see what the divorce will cost.  :P

Quote
I've heard multiple reports of couples, ordinary, middle class couples (i.e, 40-50K a year) THROWING $70K+ WEDDINGS.
Quite true. It's often not a celebration, but a bizarre religious feast with the bride as goddess of the day.  :lol:

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2011, 11:22:51 PM »
Sounds closer to 150 to 300k wedding.

Nearly 10 years ago wife and I threw a 50 or so guest wedding.  Just cake and punch held at the church chapel. After flowers, organist, dress, etc it was in the neighborhood of 12 to 15k.

I bet csd can estimate too, but I would say if the did it for les than 100k they had to kill a man.
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Monkeyleg

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2011, 11:30:23 PM »
I don't think the neighbors borrowed for this, although I could be wrong. The husband mentioned that they'd been saving for years for the daughter's wedding. It could be, too, that the groom's father paid a larger portion.

It certainly could have been well over $30K. I have no idea, and no reason to try to find out.

Our wedding reception cost us $3.50 a plate, and we had 160 guests. We had ham, chicken, beef, and kielbasa (Polish sausage). It was in an older restaurant. Nothing too fancy. My parents paid the largest share, as my wife's family didn't have much money.

Two completely different worlds.

230RN

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2011, 12:04:27 AM »
My last one was in a judge's chambers.  His clerk and the lady at the front counter were witnesses, so there were five of us altogether.

drewtam

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2011, 03:49:24 AM »
Isn't there a truism about the more focus and cost of the wedding, the more likely the divorce?
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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2011, 04:55:43 AM »
We got married 10 years ago.  Grand total was ~$6-7k with 100-150 guests.  'Course we had relatives do the photography for cost, the property was a relatives, the dress was really a white prom dress, etc.

The wedding in the OP was probably $300k, if not more.  Even if I could afford it I cannot fathom spending that much on a wedding.  I'd rather drop $20-30k for my daughter's big day and then give them the rest to buy a house if I wanted to spend that much on them.  And if my daughter whined about that she'd be lucky to single thin dime.
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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2011, 05:12:06 AM »
We used the American Legion hall, and after the pastor got sick, the JP.  Mom cooked.

cambeul41

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2011, 06:57:04 AM »
Children should be raised to understand that the ceremony is far far less important than the marriage.
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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #10 on: April 17, 2011, 07:25:14 AM »
Back in '91, a young woman I worked with was getting married.  Neither she nor the groom were as of yet making a lot of money, but both were in the early stages of career paths that would eventually see that.  Both families were well-off.  The reception was very formal.  I think the total number of guests was about 200.  The cost per plate for food was $150 per person.  They had an open bar and who knows what that cost.  Their honeymoon was also paid for by the the parents and it was a two week island hopping thing- cost unknown.  I'm guessing the total cost was somewhere around 50k to 70k when the limos, honeymoon, bride's dress, wedding party gowns, etc were also added in.

About 7 months after the wedding, the new wife was sitting in the break room complaining that she and hubby couldn't afford a house.  I remarked that they could have spent less on the wedding/reception and took the rest of the money as a cash present.  They'd have easily had a good nest egg for a house.  She was horrified and said her wedding was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and should have been extra special.  Oh well... different strokes for different folks.

Two years later, they divorced.   :facepalm:

BlueStarLizzard

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #11 on: April 17, 2011, 07:36:29 AM »
I know that my friends dad paid 80k for his daughters wedding.

On one hand, I kinda understand wanting a pretty wedding. The dress is on my bucket list, but at the same time, if the choice is between wedding or house, i'd rather pay for the house.

I don't know how much my bosses wedding cost but it was offset by the fact that:
They catered it themselves
They borrowed tents from the local kennel club
It was on their property.

It was a nice wedding to. The best part was when katie (the bride) had to get something from the house and drove her white truck back up the the reception and jumped out weaaring an apron over her dress with an apron that almost perfectly matched the dress  :lol:
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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #12 on: April 17, 2011, 08:22:58 AM »
You see....this is what happens when you let the bride plan the wedding...  ;/





....j/k....my wife planned our wedding....40+ people with reception eats....@ $600 total, including the venue (Ft. Parker State Park)......
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KD5NRH

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2011, 09:17:42 AM »
Two years later, they divorced.

So, has she repeated the "once in a lifetime experience" yet?

Jamisjockey

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #14 on: April 17, 2011, 09:33:02 AM »
That level of catering alone is in the $30k range. Trust me on that.

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #15 on: April 17, 2011, 09:40:52 AM »
i've been outa the biz a decade but conservatively the food was 56 k  plus 18 % tip.  depending on the menu it coulda been higher  much higher.

its obscene
we did a 7 figure wedding once for about about 500-600 folks.
heck we did a 250 k bar mitzvah for 400
it can get outa hand.  seen it go the other way too. did a nice wedding once where there was no booze and 40 or 50 small cakes brought by the guests.  each one decorated in a theme that represented how that guest had been a part of the bride or grooms life.  i made my living off big weddings at mine i put my foot down.  onkly immediate family.  mothers fathers brothers and sisters their spouses and kids.  got it down to less than 30 folks.  they refused to let me cater it myself so we went to a restaurant in town and ate off the menu.  kept the carnage to a minimum. we weren't pandering for gifts  we were pretty well set in our lives by then.  didn't need much.
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230RN

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #16 on: April 17, 2011, 09:51:49 AM »
"and after the pastor got sick, the JP.  Mom cooked."

Wait, wait, wait, wait... Am I reading this right, KD5NRH?

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #17 on: April 17, 2011, 10:45:48 AM »
JJ, I suspect you and/or CASD are right about the food. I don't think it was even $50 a plate. Had to be more.

There's other things I'd forgotten, such as the tent. A tent for 500 people is huge. This one was more than huge, it was lavish. The ceiling of the tent was tucked fabric, and it had chandeliers. I don't recall seeing a tent post inside, so I don't know how it was engineered, but it was something more than you'd get at the usual rental place.

Then there were the floral arrangements. There were arrangements all over the grounds as decoration, and all of them were at least 3' tall.

Then the bride's gown. It was nothing unusual. However, considering that on her registry list she specified a thread count of minimum of 112 for any sheets or linens, she didn't get a cheap dress.

In addition to the band, there was a chamber ensemble for the ceremony. BTW, the band was out of Atlanta, and we live in northern AL.

According to the wedding guide we received, there was also a wedding director. I know those aren't cheap.

Even the porta-johns were spectacular. It was a trailer with stainless ramps, and rooms with finished walls, a sink and counter, and decorative lights.

The bride and groom leave today for a week in St. Thomas.

I think you folks are right. This was a lot more than $30K.


Lee

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #18 on: April 17, 2011, 10:48:13 AM »
I take it there wasn't a traditional "DOLLAR DANCE".  More likely, guests handing the bride or groom envelopes containing anywhere from a few to ten grand.  

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #19 on: April 17, 2011, 10:53:54 AM »
We had a basic lunch buffet catered at an event in SLC, 350 people, and it came out to abou $22k after the 18% gratis.  And that was in house catering with no transportation costs.  The more options for the spread, the more $$$.  I actually suspect csad is closer on the dollar amount than I am.  I'll bet by the description they're into the wedding at a minimum of $100k after everything.

I take it there wasn't a traditional "DOLLAR DANCE".  More likely, guests handing the bride or groom envelopes containing anywhere from a few to ten grand. 

My dad pulled a hundred out of his wallet as the trump card at my wedding. We thought we were rolling in it, we netted about $300 off the dollar dance!
JD

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #20 on: April 17, 2011, 11:15:11 AM »
Children should be raised to understand that the ceremony is far far less important than the marriage.

Amen!  Preach it Brother!
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roo_ster

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Tallpine

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #21 on: April 17, 2011, 12:29:02 PM »
Isn't there a truism about the more focus and cost of the wedding, the more likely the divorce?

If they play Olivia Newton-John singing "I Honestly Love You" --> 14 months max  =D


I think we spent about $300 including rings.  Most of her family has allergies, so she and I cut up veggies and made dips ourselves.  Five days lead time so we didn't bother trying to get help on short notice.  She wore a nice dress that she already had (sewed herself).  My mom paid for a couple nights in a little mountain cabin.

Will be 30 years this coming November...   =)
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Fitz

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #22 on: April 17, 2011, 12:39:48 PM »
Me and my wife eloped, went down to Galveston, and hopped onto a cruise ship.

2.5 years later, still goin strong
Fitz

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #23 on: April 17, 2011, 01:14:33 PM »
My last one was in a judge's chambers.  His clerk and the lady at the front counter were witnesses, so there were five of us altogether.

Not quite that cheap.  Reception was a potluch at the pastor's house.  Out of pocket cost for us was pretty minimal.
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BlueStarLizzard

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Re: My first time at a wedding like this
« Reply #24 on: April 17, 2011, 02:48:31 PM »
If they play Olivia Newton-John singing "I Honestly Love You" --> 14 months max  =D


I think we spent about $300 including rings.  Most of her family has allergies, so she and I cut up veggies and made dips ourselves.  Five days lead time so we didn't bother trying to get help on short notice.  She wore a nice dress that she already had (sewed herself).  My mom paid for a couple nights in a little mountain cabin.

Will be 30 years this coming November...   =)

And the girl comes in for the kill...  >:D

So, big Lopez fan are you? Or did just think mcconahey was dreamy?  :-*

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