Author Topic: Take this...  (Read 3355 times)

280plus

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 19,131
  • Ever get that sinking feeling?
Take this...
« on: August 20, 2011, 07:19:13 AM »
bwahahaaaaa.....  >:D

There are two legionnaires in the desert, and they've been separated from their unit and are lost. They've been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them. Naturally, they can't believe their eyes and think it's a mirage, but as they draw closer, they can hear the stallholders' cries, and they eventually reach the market and realize that it's really there. So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall they can and cry to the stallholder, "Stallholder, we have been traveling in the desert for many days, and have had no food or water. We shall surely die soon unless you have some water you can sell us - tell us, do you have any sustenance for us?" The stallholder shook his head and replied "I'm sorry, French legionnaire type people, but all I have to sell is a load of bowls full of jelly, topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with hundreds and thousands. "The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall, where they ask the stallholder, "Mr. purveyor of fine foodstuffs and the like, we have been traveling through the desert for days, deprived of the necessary beverages and foodstuffs which are required for survival. We shall surely die soon, unless you can sell us some skins of water." The stallholder looked at them embarrassed, and confessed "Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is, I have none of the ingredients necessary to life for which you ask me - all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top - there," he said, pointing out the glace cherry. "I cannot help you." The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall, where they demand of the stallholder, "Look mate, we need water or we'll die. We've been traveling without ! water for days and need some now, do you have any you can sell us?" The stallholder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he confessed, "Sorry, fellas, all I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands. I can't help you. I'll have to condemn you to a long and lingering death through dehydration." The legionnaires were really worried by this point, and they went through the market, stall by stall, asking each stallholder whether they had any water they could sell them, and thus save their lives, but each stallholder gave the same reply, all they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard and hundreds and thousands. Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the legionnaires left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so, one turned to the other and said, "That was really odd - a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands." The other turned to face his companion and replied. "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar".

 
 

Avoid cliches like the plague!

Fly320s

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,415
  • Formerly, Arthur, King of the Britons
Re: Take this...
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2011, 09:30:42 AM »
That was a long road to a bad pun.
Islamic sex dolls.  Do they blow themselves up?

Perd Hapley

  • Superstar of the Internet
  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 61,512
  • My prepositions are on/in
Re: Take this...
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2011, 09:32:29 AM »
 :facepalm:  Groan.  =)
"Doggies are angel babies!" -- my wife

280plus

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 19,131
  • Ever get that sinking feeling?
Re: Take this...
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2011, 10:06:42 AM »
That was a long road to a bad pun.
I thought so too.  =D
Avoid cliches like the plague!

freakazoid

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 6,243
Re: Take this...
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2011, 11:18:00 AM »
Gah! I will never get those precious moments of my life back. shakes fist
"so I ended up getting the above because I didn't want to make a whole production of sticking something between my knees and cranking. To me, the cranking on mine is pretty effortless, at least on the coarse setting. Maybe if someone has arthritis or something, it would be more difficult for them." - Ben

"I see a rager at least once a week." - brimic

Boomhauer

  • Former Moderator, fired for embezzlement and abuse of power
  • friends
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,370
Re: Take this...
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2011, 11:21:10 AM »
That was a long road to a bad pun.

I've seen a much, much, much longer road to a bad pun.

Quote from: Ben
Holy hell. It's like giving a loaded gun to a chimpanzee...

Quote from: bluestarlizzard
the last thing you need is rabies. You're already angry enough as it is.

OTOH, there wouldn't be a tweeker left in Georgia...

Quote from: Balog
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! AND THROW SOME STEAK ON THE GRILL!

TommyGunn

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 7,956
  • Stuck in full auto since birth.
Re: Take this...
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2011, 11:29:25 AM »
That was a long road to a bad pun.
  You think ......... >:D :O
MOLON LABE   "Through ignorance of what is good and what is bad, the life of men is greatly perplexed." ~~ Cicero

TechMan

  • Administrator
  • Senior Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10,562
  • Yes, your moderation has been outsourced.
Re: Take this...
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2011, 11:37:49 AM »
Read the first and last sentences and then scrolled down to see what everybody else said.  Glad I didn't waste my time.   :P
Quote
Hawkmoon - Never underestimate another person's capacity for stupidity. Any time you think someone can't possibly be that dumb ... they'll prove you wrong.

Bacon and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Stupidity will always be its own reward.
Bad decisions make good stories.

Quote
Viking - The problem with the modern world is that there aren't really any predators eating stupid people.

Doggy Daddy

  • Poobah
  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 5,339
  • From the saner side of Las Vegas
Re: Take this...
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2011, 12:52:56 PM »
That was a long road to a bad pun.

Yeah?

Here's a pretty good stroll down a path to punniness...
http://www.armedpolitesociety.com/index.php?topic=20579.msg390524#msg390524

DD
Would you exchange
a walk-on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage?
-P.F.

Chuck Dye

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,560
Re: Take this...
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2011, 01:42:19 PM »
Ah, often the best dogs are the shaggiest dogs.

Thank you.
Gee, I'd love to see your data!

280plus

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 19,131
  • Ever get that sinking feeling?
Re: Take this...
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2011, 02:54:07 PM »
Read the first and last sentences and then scrolled down to see what everybody else said.  Glad I didn't waste my time.   :P
bah, lightweight...  :P

 :laugh:
Avoid cliches like the plague!

CNYCacher

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4,438
Re: Take this...
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2011, 09:26:54 PM »
You'll never see this pun coming
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/
On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
Charles Babbage

Doggy Daddy

  • Poobah
  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 5,339
  • From the saner side of Las Vegas
Re: Take this...
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2011, 11:23:15 PM »
Would you exchange
a walk-on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage?
-P.F.

HankB

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 16,721
Re: Take this...
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2011, 11:27:35 PM »
It wasn't even a full pun . . . it was only 2/3 of a pun.

P. U.

Trump won in 2016. Democrats haven't been so offended since Republicans came along and freed their slaves.
Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it. - Mark Twain
Government is a broker in pillage, and every election is a sort of advance auction in stolen goods. - H.L. Mencken
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Jocassee

  • Buster Scruggs Respecter
  • friends
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4,591
  • "First time?"
Re: Take this...
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2011, 01:27:28 AM »
Thank you for inflicting that upon us.
I shall not die alone, alone, but kin to all the powers,
As merry as the ancient sun and fighting like the flowers.