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Author Topic: An ethical quandary I'm dealing with.  (Read 3704 times)

Strings

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An ethical quandary I'm dealing with.
« Reply #25 on: May 02, 2006, 07:50:03 PM »
I've walked away from friends before, when things like this happened. Be honest with him, and tell him you can't find anything good to say. Maybe offer to "demote" yourself to groomsman, to avoid having to lie (let him know why)...
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BrokenPaw

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An ethical quandary I'm dealing with.
« Reply #26 on: May 03, 2006, 04:19:12 AM »
I talked to him last night.  I invited him over and told him exactly how I felt about the whole thing.

He told me how much it meant to him that he had someone who cared about him enough to say all of this to him.  Then he said that he was going through with the wedding anyway.

Which is about what I expected, so that wasn't a surprise.  Then I told him that I couldn't help but feel like my primary role in all of this would be to help him pick up the pieces of his life in a year or two when (not if) things go south.

And this is the part of it that weirded me out:  He didn't even seem to contemplate the possibility that things would not need pieces picked up.  It's like he knows that he's on the express train to hell, and is fully cognizant of the fact that he's heading for misery.  And he's going anyway.

There's some part of this puzzle that I'm not seeing.

Well.  As I said, he's a big kid, and I'm not his mom.  So I am going to stand with him, and afterwards I am going to make a speech for him, not for them.  Because there is no them.  There's the hope of him coming out the other side of this, and it's my job to be there if he does.

Thanks for all your thoughts, all.
-BP
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SpookyPistolero

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An ethical quandary I'm dealing with.
« Reply #27 on: May 03, 2006, 04:23:26 AM »
Good on you! The highest road was taken, most certainly. That was probably not an easy conversation to have. Looks like the both of you know how important the friendship will be in just a couple of years.
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Shalako

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An ethical quandary I'm dealing with.
« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2006, 07:44:53 AM »
Good job, you took the high road and were honest.

I have a friend who married a gal like that. Pure misery. For your friend, its all going to boil down to:

1. There is NO way he can make her happy.
2. For her, making him happy is not even a priority


Not a real good recipe for a marriage.....
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RevDisk

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An ethical quandary I'm dealing with.
« Reply #29 on: May 04, 2006, 10:44:41 AM »
Oy.   If he's a good friend, you did your part.  Ya warned him the best you could.  Wait for things to explode, it won't take long.   Maybe he'll learn something the next time around.

You did the right thing.  But it's his choice.  Folks gotta learn to stand on their own two feet eventually.
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