Author Topic: Dumbest or greatest work excuse  (Read 976 times)

French G.

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Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« on: December 22, 2018, 12:51:11 AM »
Ok, I'm bored and starting random topics. But a rather legendary story can up at work and theoretically I may need excuses one day.


Co worker buddy of mine calls in one day and leaves a voicemail for all three bosses that he can't come in because he has anal glaucoma. Only one got the joke. Yes, it is the oldest joke out there for work excuses, just none of us were dumb or brilliant enough to use it.


Another former coworker called the boss and said he would not be in because he had shat the bed. He went into detail and the boss kept the voicemail for a long time so he could get a good laugh when he needed one.  Not saying I might not have the same misfortune, but I'm making up an excuse. Maybe even using the one from one of our near senior citizen employees that they couldn't make it because their new puppy was sick.
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Hawkmoon

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2018, 12:53:43 AM »
Someone apparently has too much time on his hands.
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Fly320s

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2018, 04:24:02 AM »
I’ve called in sick because I couldn’t get out of my driveway.

Heavy snow caused a tree to fall on my driveway that I couldn’t get around.  It took me about two hours to get it cleared and that was after I changed into proper clothing for the job.  Fun times.
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lupinus

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2018, 07:16:19 AM »
My work simply doesn't care. Their mindset is that they're your days, use them as you like. Feel like going fishing? Cool. Got something to do on that mandated OT Saturday? No problem. Just don't bitch to us if you don't have them when you need them, didn't have the hours to cover it, and you're not getting your holiday pay if you call out on the scheduled work day on either side of the holiday.

It's nice, but certainly takes a bit of spice out of hearing good excuses people dream up.

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griz

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2018, 10:33:46 AM »
We had a guy call in because he had 24 hour Ebola.
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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2018, 10:51:44 AM »
I’ve called in sick because I couldn’t get out of my driveway.


I've done the same, my driveway is slightly uphill to get out and we had freezing rain.
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MechAg94

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2018, 11:26:35 AM »
My work simply doesn't care. Their mindset is that they're your days, use them as you like. Feel like going fishing? Cool. Got something to do on that mandated OT Saturday? No problem. Just don't bitch to us if you don't have them when you need them, didn't have the hours to cover it, and you're not getting your holiday pay if you call out on the scheduled work day on either side of the holiday.

It's nice, but certainly takes a bit of spice out of hearing good excuses people dream up.

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The company I work for is more or less the same way for hourly folks.  They are called "sick/personal" days in our system.  Only so many hours allowed and then they are using vacation or get nothing for the lost hours.  Salary might be another issue, but it depends on the boss and how much you do it.
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RoadKingLarry

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2018, 01:00:58 PM »
My company doesn't employ "non-essential personnel". ;/
Weather be damned, I'm expected to have my ass at work on time and our managers will call from home to make sure I'm there.
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BlueStarLizzard

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2018, 01:28:39 PM »
Downside of being the right hand of the boss and being considered part of the family is there isn't really any getting away with faking a call in sick.  =|

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K Frame

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2018, 07:09:32 AM »
More than once I've canned work for a sick dog.

Dogs come first.

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2018, 08:20:44 AM »
My work simply doesn't care. Their mindset is that they're your days, use them as you like. Feel like going fishing? Cool. Got something to do on that mandated OT Saturday? No problem. Just don't bitch to us if you don't have them when you need them, didn't have the hours to cover it, and you're not getting your holiday pay if you call out on the scheduled work day on either side of the holiday.

It's nice, but certainly takes a bit of spice out of hearing good excuses people dream up.

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Same boat with us.
Too many consecutive days and they can ask for documentation from the doctor, that's all.

I'm almost to 6 weeks saved up.  I use them occasionally but I'd like to have a good 3 months+ saved.

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MillCreek

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2018, 09:38:56 AM »
In healthcare, we have generally done away with separate sick and vacation days. Everything is in one bucket called PTO (paid time off). At my system, you can accumulate up to 200 hours total and then accumulation stops.  It is theoretically to encourage people to take vacation for life/work balance; but another major factor was to limit the financial hit when people leave and the PTO is paid out.
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RocketMan

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2018, 09:48:19 AM »
In healthcare, we have generally done away with separate sick and vacation days. Everything is in one bucket called PTO (paid time off). At my system, you can accumulate up to 200 hours total and then accumulation stops.  It is theoretically to encourage people to take vacation for life/work balance; but another major factor was to limit the financial hit when people leave and the PTO is paid out.

The simple solution is to quit paying out for PTO when people leave.  You use it or lose it.  My employer did that some time back.  I am surprised more haven't followed that model.
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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #13 on: December 24, 2018, 10:30:38 AM »
The simple solution is to quit paying out for PTO when people leave.  You use it or lose it.  My employer did that some time back.  I am surprised more haven't followed that model.

Since a pretty large chunk of the typical healthcare workforce (nurses in the hospitals) are unionized, amending the contracts to do this will never fly with the union.
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lupinus

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Re: Dumbest or greatest work excuse
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2018, 10:55:33 AM »
Yeah we no longer call them sick days since moving to PTO, they're now "unscheduled full day occurrences". Folk can call in up to five times per year, with an occurrence being up to two consecutive business days, so essentially up to ten unscheduled days per year if you were to do two days each time. But, you gotta have hours to cover them.

Which brings us to unpaid/unscheduled time off "UTO". In addition to the PTO we earn weekly, every January we get a bank of 36 UTO hours, they don't roll like PTO, so it's just the yearly allotment. These cover running late, having to leave early cause something unplanned came up, etc. Only rub is it's always charged as a full hour regardless if you ran 5 minutes late or a full hour late. When UTO comes in, PTO is optional and only gets charged as well if you want to get paid for the time.

Full day call outs only charge UTO if you don't have PTO to cover the full day. Useful if you come home with vacation crud or something with only six hours of PTO. In which case you'd get six hours PTO charged, and two unpaid hours of UTO charged (assuming an eight hour scheduled day).

Here's where it gets fun though. Once you've gone through your allowed number of call ins, you can keep calling in....using UTO. So assuming you work an eight hour schedule and never use your PTO for anything else, that max of ten days magically becomes 14. Or you can just show up for work an hour late 36 times a year..

When we switched to PTO there was much pissing and moaning. But the system gaming with the full policy, especially the UTO part, is why I was sitting there shaking my head with.


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That is all. *expletive deleted*ck you all, eat *expletive deleted*it, and die in a fire. I have considered writing here a long parting section dedicated to each poster, but I have decided, at length, against it. *expletive deleted*ck you all and Hail Satan.