I've managed to get ahold of the president's remarks for this year's SOTU.
"Madam Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, the First Lady of the United States, and my fellow Americans:
It is my distinct honor to be here with you tonight, so that we may address the many challenges and issues facing our nation, in addition to celebrating the many glowing achievements of my administration in the past year. There have been far, far too many to count.
While it's been the tradition for the president himself to deliver such remarks at this time of year, tonight I'll be breaking yet another of Washington's sacred norms. And so, Madam Speaker, with no further hoop-de-do and to-do, I hope you'll join me in welcoming the debate thug himself; the man who terrifies college students, professors, and administrators everywhere: the one, the only, BEN SHAPIRO, everybody!"
Should be an interesting night.