I have this big, black, ugly parka that I originally bought just for going shooting during the winter months. It's ugly, but it's warm.
My wife has constantly derided it. "You're not going to wear that to (insert restaurant/function here), are you?"
"I'll take it off before we get inside."
At this point in my life, I'd rather be warm than fashionable.
Anyway, sometime in the last year or so, I noticed things in the pockets that I definitely didn't put there. Like plastic dog poop bags.
Well, I guess she decided that parka wasn't too ugly when taking the dog out first thing in the morning.
I keep an ugly pair of warm gloves in one of the voluminous pockets. When I went out to shovel the other day, they weren't there.
"Oh," she said. "I needed to scrape the ice off my car, and my gloves aren't warm."
Okay.
I also have a pair of clunky Sorel boots that are waterproof, and good to -30 degrees. My wife hates them, because I wear them all the time in the middle of winter.
When I went to put them on the other day, they were gone. So was my wife. And the dog. I didn't need Peter Falk to figure out what was going on.
Function over form, I guess.
Two weeks ago, my wife went to her aunt's funeral. After she got home, I noticed my tie rack sitting on the stairs.
I'm somewhat particular about my ties, especially the ones I've spent hours poring over in the store to make sure that they dimple just right.
So, I was understandably a little concerned.
"WTF is this?" I bellowed.
Turns out her uncle couldn't find his tie, so she took my selection for him to pick from.
Sorry, but that's over the top.
What's next? My 70 year-old mother-in-law borrowing my Tony Lama boots?
