Dumb aspiring bank robbers.

[Kingcreek]

Ford minivan with license plates removed speeds into empty bank parking lot and brakes hard to a stop. Empty lot because lobby hours have closed and only the drive up is open. Employees are inside watching as passenger with gun in hand wearing a ski mask (hot humid day in the Midwest) jumps out of the van and runs to door and pulls,... then pulls harder, ...then rattles door,... then runs back, jumps in van and said van quickly leaves the scene.
Maybe they should have checked the hours
Or started their crime a little earlier
Oh well, at least they gave the financial institution a little something for their security training and Christmas party entertainment.
Police are still investigating. No link because it hasn't made the newsworthy threshold yet.

[230RN]

The questions immediately arise:

¿So where'd you get that unpublished info?

¿Were you involved in some way?

[Kingcreek]

Involved only as a person within the organization of the financial institution.
and besides, my ford minivan has license plates and my ski mask is at the cleaners

[230RN]

OK, thanks for venting that vacuum.

[K Frame]

"security training and Christmas party entertainment."

Years ago when I worked for the newspaper a local small town bank branch was robbed. Guy showed a handgun and got away with a bunch of money...

The humor aspects of it are:

1. The bank was on the first floor of a two story building. On the second floor was the HQ for the local police department. The officer on duty (small town, only one guy on a shift), was in the office on the second floor filling out paperwork while the bank was being robbed.

2. FBI comes in and dumps the security cameras, which one of the tellers had triggered. It was an older system from the 1970s that used film canisters that took a limited number of still pictures and didn't stop until the film ran out (which, IIRC, took about 10-15 minutes).

When the FBI developed the film they got a bunch of wonderful pictures... of the previous year's after hours Christmas party.


I think they finally caught the guy responsible a couple of years later after he hit several other small-town banks.

[French G.]

Guy robs a bank in my old town. Minor town in a county of 2300. One store, post office, few houses, and a one branch bank.  First the post lady calls me while it's being robbed to warn us. Thirty minutes later everyone one the far side of the county knows. Guy gets away, car chases, foot search in the mountains, high drama. Store lady later says she wished I was there. For what, I like avoiding the shootings!

Anyway the sheriff takes a look at the camera footage. Knows the kid, calls his mom. Mental giant had actually made it from VA to Colorado. That's what we call more charges!

[Hawkmoon]

If they were smart aspiring bank robbers, they wouldn't be bank robbers.

I'm old enough to remember a folk song from the 1960s, Pretty Boy Floyd. It was written by Woody Guthrie in 1939, but I think the Joan Baez recording was what most people remember. From the song:

Yes, as through this world I've wandered
I've seen lots of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six-gun,
And some with a fountain pen.

And as through your life you travel,
Yes, as through your life you roam,
You won't never see an outlaw
Drive a family from their home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InWqYjQwrvU

The smart aspiring robbers today start big companies using government money, and rob everyone with a fountain ball point gel pen.

Like Elon Musk and Tesla, por ejemplo.

[griz]

A few years ago a man walked in to a local bank, a medium-small town, and robbed it.  Then he walked away.  He didn't run out, walk to a getaway car, nothing like that.  He walked out the door and kept walking.  What I thought was funny was that employees went outside to be good witnesses and get a license plate number, but I guess it was so weird that nobody thought to follow him.  He was caught of course, obviously local, but at least he didn't commit the embarrassing faux pas of using a minivan to rob a bank.