True mental illness up close

[Kingcreek]

I help a 75 year old lady that grew up in an orphanage and didn’t have a foster home until she was 12. Long history of mental disorders like OCD and paranoia, not schizo but probably some of everything else. I pay her bills for her, drive her to medical stuff, coordinate with her housing authorities in her tiny senior apartment.
She fell in April and broke a hip and has been recovering in a nursing home. Everybody kinda rolls with her quirks and she did quite well with regular meals and schedule and some social interaction.
Tuesday wife and I picked her up and settled her back into her apartment. Made out a grocery list (she is a picky eater and refuses to cook).
She wouldn’t let me get her a tv before but she got used to watching a favorite channel in the nursing home. I got a 40” tv on sale for $148 for her and put up a wall mount yesterday. The stress of having me drill a hole in her wall and just being there was too much. I had to send my wife to get my stud finder and as soon as she was gone we had a meltdown. There was a red light on her phone/answer machine that she had never seen before. (I had discoed the co-ax to try the rooftop antenna). I hit the off switch on the power strip to reset the tv and it caused her little digital clock to flash 12:00am OMG OMG look what you did! Freak out because now the clock in the main room didn’t match the one in the bedroom.
She spotted a small hole in the skirt of the table cloth my wife found at goodwill and blamed it on me throwing tools and drills and things around her apartment!!!. Huh?
She calmed down when my wife got back. Good thing. I was about to leave with my tools and wait in the parking lot.
Never did find access to the antenna and free tv channels that are supposed to come out of the co-ax nub on the wall. I haven’t owned or connected a tv for 27 years. The maintenance man is going to try and help today. I might have to subscribe to something but it is only one channel we are looking for.

[K Frame]

It sounds like there's some incipient dementia going on in there as well.

My Mom would react like that sometimes.

[Hawkmoon]

It sounds like there's some incipient dementia going on in there as well.

At 75 that's entirely possible.

[Kingcreek]

She can have all kinds of bizarre behaviors when something triggers her. She got mad at me for replacing her microwave. It didn’t work but the clock on it still worked. Clocks and dates on calendars have some kind of special importance.
It was actually worse when she was on meds. She took max dose of Xanax for 40 years. Last October she went through 30 days rx in 9 days. Fell 2x with er visits. The nurse practitioner ordered home nurse visits to monitor and get her straightened out and she met the nurse at the door and refused to let her in. So the ANP cancelled her rx.
The pharmacist feels she was over medicated for years. Now she takes Tylenol 4 times a day and nothing else.

[Hawkmoon]

Slight thread drift -- you want mental illness up close?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12204965/John-Fettermans-bizarre-response-asked-Philadelphia-highway-collapse-Senate.html

[Kingcreek]

In the “No good deed goes unpunished” category…
My wife is helping and is much better with her than I am.
Wife told her that she would come help her shower safely with her walker, bath mats, etc. told her 9am. Wife knocked on the door and lady flung the door open and said “what are you doing here?!?!”
I told you I would come by at 9.
“It’s only 8:59!!!”
She hasn’t had tv in years. I convinced her she could afford a basic tv cable package and mounted a 40” screen on the wall. I have been dealing with Xfinity all week. They screwed up the order and it was reordered. Now she is upset because she has a dark tv on her wall! I told her the box is coming Monday or Tuesday and she is upset that she doesn’t know which day! And will they bring it to her apartment or leave it in the lobby drop box? What if somebody steals it?!?
Her neighbor told her the maintenance man has to do something to hook it up. She has probably called him 10x with no idea what the hell she is talking about. She keeps getting the power company confused with the cable co. If I’m lucky she’ll manage to get her power shut off too.
My wife delivered a weeks worth of groceries to her yesterday.
Last night she called and wanted one of us to pick up a rotisserie chicken from a certain store and bring it to her. I told her no and she is mad at me again. She filled her mouth with peanut butter crackers while she was arguing with me. That was interesting.
Lord it’s like a thought tornado inside that little head.

[MillCreek]

I have to deal with similar situations at work, and I often think 'There but for the grace of God and a tiny little twitch in my neurochemistry go I'.

[Kingcreek]

It’s amazing to me that one day can be really good and another day the train jumps the tracks. The littlest non-issue can turn into an all day crisis.
My wife is much more patient with her. I try but she can just frustrate the hell out of me.
She should be in an assisted living facility but her money would run out quickly and she doesn’t like being around people especially if she thinks they are spying on her or talking about her. She sneaks her trash out to the dumpster the day it’s scheduled for pickup instead of using the chute in the building because she thinks people snoop on her by going through her trash.

[K Frame]

My Mother was getting to be like that near the end. Some days were great... some days were... let's just say that some days were a challenge.

I had to stop by the pharmacy and tell them to stop putting the drug fact sheets in with her prescriptions. They agreed when I explained why I was asking...

Mom would get those with her prescription each month and would sit and read them word for word... and when she got to the "dangers, interactions, adverse effects" section she would absolutely lose her *expletive deleted*it.

OH MY GOD! THIS CAN CAUSE DEATH! I'M NOT TAKING THIS! I'M CALLING MY DOCTOR AND TELLING HIM TO GO TO HELL FOR GIVING ME THIS!

Well, Mom, you've been taking that drug for the last 15 years and it's why you're not already dead from congestive heart failure.

BUT THIS MIGHT CAUSE DEATH! I'M NOT TAKING IT!

You stop taking it and you WILL die, Mom. End of story.

Each month was like that. The best I could hope for would be to intercept her prescriptions and grab the sheets and toss them, but if I wasn't there it was a really big problem.

Once she got her hands on them it would be an all day circus.

[230RN]

You (she) can probably pick up dozens of local OVER THE AIR (OTA) stations for free without plugging into any services.  All you (she) needs is an inside antenna (sometimes just a length of wire) plugged into the antenna/cable jack on the back of the set.  No muss, no fuss, no risk.

I've been doing OTA free stations exclusively ever since the FCC mandated that stations MUST transmit their programming over the air (OTA)  If she's old, like me, she has learned how to filter out the commercials, a necessary disadvantage ro the "free" programming.

Terry, 230RN

REF (A small sample of commercial OTA antennae):
https://www.pcmag.com/picks/how-to-find-the-best-digital-tv-antenna

[Kingcreek]

I tried an external antenna but the building she is in seems to block everything. Our “local” broadcasters are all 40-45 miles away.
There is supposed to be a roof mounted omnidirectional antenna and I tried coax to the wall nub. The smart tv did a scan and said it found 11 stations but nothing displayed on any Chanel except a repeating Xfinity commercial. I contacted her housing people and they were no help after 4 phone calls.

[WLJ]

Remember my mother would leave her TV blaring 24/7 on the weather channel.

Ring Ring
Me: Hello
Her: There a bad storm coming
Me after checking the weather: That's in Iowa.
Her: Aren't you worried about it?
Me: No, we're in Louisville
Her: Fine, I won't call to warn you anymore if you don't care.
Next day, Ring Ring
Sigh, guess it's raining in Texas

[lee n. field]

I have to deal with similar situations at work, and I often think 'There but for the grace of God and a tiny little twitch in my neurochemistry go I'.

Yep.

[Hawkmoon]

It’s amazing to me that one day can be really good and another day the train jumps the tracks. The littlest non-issue can turn into an all day crisis.
My wife is much more patient with her. I try but she can just frustrate the hell out of me.
She should be in an assisted living facility but her money would run out quickly and she doesn’t like being around people especially if she thinks they are spying on her or talking about her. She sneaks her trash out to the dumpster the day it’s scheduled for pickup instead of using the chute in the building because she thinks people snoop on her by going through her trash.

Both you and your wife are good people for caring enough to try to help.

But you didn't hear that from me.

[griz]

Lord it’s like a thought tornado inside that little head.

That's actually a good description.  It probably isn't much comfort to you, but I'll bet it's pretty bad for her to live with that tornado 24/7.  Thanks for helping somebody who can't really appreciate it.

[Kingcreek]

There are times when she appreciates us, she cries and thanks us and says she doesn’t know what she would do without our help.
Then there are the other times…
She can be funny and kind and sweet. She has a history of letting people take advantage of her and making foolish decisions. Her husband was kind of a hoarder. When he died and the homeowners insurance renewed, the insurance co sent somebody to inspect and take pics. It was in his name so essentially they treated it as a new policy in her name.
They told her she had 30 days to clean up the property or no insurance. She had a meltdown and cried to a neighbor. He offered to clean it up and take care of taxes and insurance if she would give it to him. He told her she could live there as long as she wanted and not have to worry.
Then he kicked her out 2 months later.

[RoadKingLarry]

They told her she had 30 days to clean up the property or no insurance. She had a meltdown and cried to a neighbor. He offered to clean it up and take care of taxes and insurance if she would give it to him. He told her she could live there as long as she wanted and not have to worry.
Then he kicked her out 2 months later.

Some folks just really need to be disappeared. 

[Hawkmoon]

Some folks just really need to be disappeared. 

Amen!

[WLJ]

They told her she had 30 days to clean up the property or no insurance. She had a meltdown and cried to a neighbor. He offered to clean it up and take care of taxes and insurance if she would give it to him. He told her she could live there as long as she wanted and not have to worry.
Then he kicked her out 2 months later.

[RocketMan]

They told her she had 30 days to clean up the property or no insurance. She had a meltdown and cried to a neighbor. He offered to clean it up and take care of taxes and insurance if she would give it to him. He told her she could live there as long as she wanted and not have to worry.
Then he kicked her out 2 months later.

I think I've discovered another good use for a wood chipper.

[Kingcreek]

Yeah I got involved 10 years ago after a series of disasters. She asked me to take her to an attorney to rewrite her will. She had a nephew as executor and POA. He “helped” her decide to cash out her husbands pension. And since he was in her will, why not give him something while she’s around to watch him enjoy it? When she had her taxes done the Cpa told her what a mistake it was. She called the nephew and told him she needed the $25k back. He said no can do, I bought a truck.
I drove her to the attorney. He said sure we can change your will. Who do you want for POA etc?
They both looked at me…
For the past 3 years I’m more of a guardian. She broke the first hip then and I took over paying her bills while she was in the nursing home. She decided she liked that and just wanted me to continue and I have since.
The only family she has is a son 1000 miles away, a homeless drug addict with a bicycle that calls twice a year to ask for money.

[Tuco]

Kingcreek
You and your wife are saints, I think.
Thank you.

[Kingcreek]

Kingcreek
You and your wife are saints, I think.
Thank you.

My wife is probably destined for sainthood. Me? I doubt it.
I just hope that if I’m ever in a similar situation that somebody would have some compassion and help me. For her, I just can’t imagine what it’s like living in that head. Everybody that knows her pretty much says the same. Her housing people (subsidized public housing for seniors and disabled people) know to just call me if anything comes up.

[Cliffh]

There are times when she appreciates us, she cries and thanks us and says she doesn’t know what she would do without our help.
Then there are the other times…
She can be funny and kind and sweet. She has a history of letting people take advantage of her and making foolish decisions. Her husband was kind of a hoarder. When he died and the homeowners insurance renewed, the insurance co sent somebody to inspect and take pics. It was in his name so essentially they treated it as a new policy in her name.
They told her she had 30 days to clean up the property or no insurance. She had a meltdown and cried to a neighbor. He offered to clean it up and take care of taxes and insurance if she would give it to him. He told her she could live there as long as she wanted and not have to worry.
Then he kicked her out 2 months later.

How can someone be that big an ahole?  I've known some lowlifes in my time, but damn, that person (using the word loosely) takes the trophy.  Slip a couple of junkies $50 each, hand 'em a club & point them in his direction.

Kingcreek, you and your wife are doing great work helping that lady. 

[MrsSmith]

Kingcreek
You and your wife are saints, I think.
Thank you.

I second this. You're going above and beyond what most people would do for their own families or friends, much less acquaintances. You're doing the right thing just because it's the right thing. The world would be a better place if more of us were like you.