http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-kass11jul11,1,7747208.column?coll=chi-news-col&ctrack=1&cset=trueSnore patrol nabs another CTA napper
Published July 11, 2007, 11:34 AM CDT
Update: Chicago officials this morning dropped the case against window washer Sam Hardison who was accused of falling asleep on a CTA train, City Corporation Counsel Gerald Szymanski said. The action came at a brief court hearing attended by a bevy of reporters.
Hardison said he was pleased with the decision, but added, "I lost $200 coming to court today because I couldn't work. They must be hurting for revenue. I see people sleeping on the trains all the time."
Window washer Sam Hardison has been charged by City Hall with another crime of the century:
Falling asleep on a CTA train, with a cookbook in his lap. So the poor guy may have to pay City Hall a fine of up to $300 for sleeping dangerously. That's a lot of windows to wash for a nap on the CTA, where payrollers and political hacks have been napping for years, when they're not taking double pensions, golfing and goofing off.
Unfortunately in Chicago, public sleeping is still a crime, if you work for a living and are exhausted and nod off on the train at the end of a long day that began before 4 a.m.
And so, Wednesday is judgment day for Legs of Death 2: The Window Washer's Trial.
"I looked the officer right in the eye and said, 'You've got to be kidding. I have to go to court on this?' And he said, 'Yes, you do,'" Hardison, a West Sider, told us the other day about his June 5 ticket on the Red Line.
The officer's partner didn't like Hardison's attitude, which he says was shock and astonishment, not anger. (Full disclosure: My late father-in-law was a window washer, so I'm prejudiced in Hardison's favor, as is my wife, and she's angry.)
"And the other officer said, 'If you don't be quiet, we will take you to jail right now. We'll arrest you,'" Hardison said. "I let them write their citations. I felt that it was not right, but what can I do?"
Here's what you do, Sam Hardison. You call the Tribune columnist who specializes in cases of sleeping dangerously on CTA trains and you get a good lawyer for Wednesday morning's hearing at City Hall's Kangaroo Court, 400 W. Superior St.
It's not formally called "Kangaroo Court," but it might just as well be, since it's not a real court, with real judges, but hearing officers who consider you guilty until proven innocent, because City Hall needs revenue to make up for all those costly political deals.
John Moran is a lawyer who knows Hardison through Spillin' the Beans, a Wilmette coffee shop near the train station where Moran has coffee and where Hardison washes windows. Moran is representing Hardison for free, another foreign concept at City Hall where everybody pays. Almost everybody.
"I mean, it sounds like the guy committed murder on the train," Moran said, reviewing the ridiculous ticket. "I mean, a fine to this guy is like property taxes. This is one of those deals where you are never going to see the officer in the courtroom. Of course, I am not going to stand for that."
That means he'll demand the officer appear in court, because he's a lawyer and knows the law, unlike the thousands upon thousands of the rest of us, who receive tickets and surrender and bleat and pay our fines like happy sheep.
Shelly Dahl, owner of Spillin' the Beans, at 1154 Central Ave. said Hardison has been washing his windows for more than a decade. It's the kind of coffee shop I might like, since they don't charge you four bucks per cup.
"It's a ridiculous situation," Dahl said of the sleeping ticket. "Every single morning, he comes and washes my windows. He is a professional window washer and does a great job. He's always been very dependable."
The regulars at the coffee shop have been speculating that their friend's untrimmed beard and worn-out work clothes may have had something to do with the charge of sleeping dangerously. They figure police may have thought Hardison was homeless.
"Absolutely, absolutely, if you look at him, you might think he was homeless, a black guy with a pretty scraggily beard," Dahl said. "If it was me, a short Jewish guy, sleeping on the train, they are not going to write me a ticket."
As a loyal reader, Hardison knew about my friend Gaurav "Legs of Death" Bhatia, a chemical engineer who became famous a few years ago for getting a similar ticket for sleeping dangerously, and fighting City Hall and winning, with the help of your humble servant and a top-notch law firm.
"His name was 'Legs of Death,' but they said his legs were out in the aisle," Hardison said. "My legs weren't out in the aisle. I dozed off, but I wasn't endangering anybody."
"Legs of Death" Bhatia is now an engineer living in California, searching for a beautiful young woman to marry before his mom sends him back to India where they'll match him up with someone whether he likes her or not.
"I've been there, man," Bhatia said. "Tell him, I wish him good luck. Tell him to walk with his head high. Tell him he is going to sleep again. Tell him that it is his constitutional right to sleep, yeah!"
During Bhatia's ordeal, an angry mob of chemical engineers, physicists, mathematicians, organic chemists and other frightening rowdies were ready to storm the hearing, shouting, "Hai, CTA!" which means "Shame on you, CTA!"
"That's true," Legs of Death said. "Tell them, yes, fight The Man. We should all get together in Chicago and sleep and tell the city, 'Yeah, we are going to sleep here!' Like a sleeping group."
Legs of Death can't make it to the trial of Legs of Death 2. But I'll be there, just waiting to see how City Hall uses the political squeegee to wipe this one clean.
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