Stupid LT Tricks

[Scout26]

As requested from the "I want to join the Army" thread.   <a href="http://www.armedpolitesociety.com/index.php?topic=9280.0" target="_blank">http://www.armedpolitesociety.com/index.php?topic=9280.0[/url]



Me:  No Sir, I did not Blow up the woods., nor did I set the forest on fire.

Im standing in my company commanders office with my Platoon Sergeant and the company NBC NCO.

Me:  and it was a more a flaming mushroom cloud, not a really a 'Fireball'.


I had been perusing some FM, TM, Army Trainer magazine or other official document and had run across something called M142 - Atomic Explosion Simulator.  Ooooooooohhhhhhh&& IIRC, its a 55 gallon drum packed with explosives and something called a Sound Unit.  It had a blast radius, as in no personnel allowed within, of like 1000ft.   Ssssssswwwweeeeettttttt.  

Fill out the appropriate forms and submit to the Brigade asst S-3- Training and Ammo, (another LT)  "If you get this, I want to be there..."

Needless to say I did NOT get it.  (I did get a good talking to from the S-3.   Summed up as "Dont ever make me look stupid by asking for stupid sh!t like this again."   We still needed something to simulate a NBC attack so we could do the whole Decon/MOPP Suit exchange exercise.  

(Sidenote)  The only times whole USAREUR MP Companies went to the field as a whole was for major exercises, due to the requirements of finding some other MP unit to backfill for the communitys Law Enforcement requirements, we normally did X/Y/Z training as individual platoons.

Anywho, taking my MP platoon to the field for a week, to do Dismounted Lanes Training.  Tasks include things like React to Ambush, React to Indirect Fire, Setup a Hasty Ambush, Setup a Hasty Defense and of course React to NBC attack.

Now I always brought along slice elements a mechanic, cook, commo puke, and anyone else who could provide training or support the training.   (Most of the HQ Platoon types jumped at the chance to get away from the headshed and play army out in the field).

Now, Im prior service, 4 years USAR, made E-5 before I did the ROTC thing,  My platoon Sergeant E-7, 95B40, former Drill Sergeant with a couple of Special Skill Identifiers that I forget, and 18 years TIS.  E-6 NBC NCO, an honest to goodness, since he enlisted as an E-0, school trained 54B30 with 12 years TIS.  We figured that a couple/three bags of flour on top of either a artillery or grenade simulator would fling enough white powder to cover a squad of MPs moving through the woods and then they could go through the decontamination process with the expert guidance of the company NBC NCO.  Great High Speed Training!!!!!

I got with a buddy from the 12th Engineers to show me how to remotely rig a grenade simulator using a Claymore mine detonator and a blasting cap.   A trip to the commissary, to procure 12  5 lb bags of flour and were all set for some NBC training.
 
Get to the Alzey Training Area; Platoon Sergeant takes charge of getting the cantonment area setup, sensitive item inventories and PMCS on vehicles/weapons.   I take the slice elements and we go setup the lanes/scenarios where we had previously recond and marked them.  We had determined that three 5 lb bags of flour on top of a grenade simulator would be "just about right" to get white powder on everyone without the possibility of hurting anyone.  

Due to personnel shortage, we divide the platoon into two squads with one squad moving through the lanes and the other as OPFOR/lanes instructors with the slice elements.

Training is going good.  At each event Squad leaders and Team leaders surprised and have to think on their feet.  Troops get to experience the fog and confusion of trying to follow orders under fire amid the noise and chaos of simulated battle.   AARs are thoughtful and provide good points to discuss (not the I shot you first type, since we had MILES gear, but more the When  SGT. So&Sos team provided covering fire it enabled SSG Whathisface to sweep around the flank and counterattack the ambush.) and ways to improve not only the results but also the training.  

About the fourth or fifth event is the React to Chemical Attack Scenario.  No OPFOR needed.  Just the PSG, NBC NCO and yours truly shadowing first squad as they follow the azimuth given in the FRAGO.   I surreptitiously grab the Claymore detonator and make it go CLICK.  

Just like when you're in a car accident, Time slowed wwwwaaaayyyy down and then stopped.  

Shock and Awe are just a tip of the iceberg when it comes to describe the looks on everyone faces.  It was a 50-60 ft burning mushroom cloud.  In the middle of the forest, in the fall, in Germany, fortunately it had been raining&.. a lot.

The first three words to enter my mind was Grain Elevator Explosion.

It was magnificent.

Everyone was frozen with the deer caught in the headlights look on their faces, as they craned their necks upward as the burning mushroom cloud rose through the treetops.  

I was impressed.  My PSG and I looked at each other, then the NBC NCO.

Time restarted.

FIRST SQUAD, 6 OClock  1000 Meters, GO !!!! screamed my squad leader, in voice much higher pitched then normal.

Stampede.   Fear and the first signs of panic replaced surprise on the faces of the troops as they run by me.  I hear He blew up the Fing  Woods !!!,  LT Scout26 BLEW UP THE FingWOODS !!!,  OH MY Fing G_D THAT HAD TO BE F'ing REAL !!!

My Squad Leader gets his squad halted and organized in a nice defensive perimeter and my PSG, the NBC NCO and I finally reach them as his doing his personnel and equipment checks.  Everyone is huffing and puffing from sprinting and from the let down as the adrenaline is wearing off.

Sir, WTF was that ?!?!?!?!?!  

Needless to say not one speck of flour was found anywhere (especially on any of my soldiers).  Yep, all 15lbs of flour burned&Spectacularly.  

The next time through we dug a hole, put a bucket with a thin flour/water mix in it and a remotely detonated grenade simulator   Worked much better.  The troops had white spots all over them.  The NBC NCO got to put on some good (decon/MOPP Suit swap) training.

Of course word got around and the day after we got back from the field, we ended up in the Company Commanders Office with the 1SG trying not to laugh as we tried to describe  WTF HAPPENED OUT THERE !?!?!?.  as my CO put the question to me.

The 1SGs parting shot as we filed out of the office with our tails between our collective legs:  30+ years of military experience, and not one of you knew that flour would explode and burn ??  

[Antibubba]

Even without understanding the acronyms, that's very funny.

[RevDisk]

This one time some of my buddies and I were attached to another task force.  Naturally, after a couple beers (and a waste basket filled with various types of high proof alcohol), we got to swapping stories.  Buddy of mine, true blue falcon he was, good ol SPC Disk could make a bomb out of anything.  Hell, even Bisquick. 

So we're out and about when someone finds an old tunnel in a mountainside.  Rumors are someone stashed various 'bad stuff' there.  So Sarge WhatsHisName tells Capt SoAndSo one of the new guys has a bit of experience with such things.  Then SPC Disk gets yanked front and center. 

"Specialist, WhatsHisName here is telling me you're high speed, low drag.  Close that tunnel." 
"Uh..  Sir?  You sure?"
"HOP TO IT, SOLDIER!"
"Yes, sir."

Well...   I rounded up 4 10 lbs sacks of flour from Mess Section, a couple of high pressure air tanks from Metro section, and a thermite grenade from uh, somewhere.  Sliced open the bags, arranged them over the nossles for the air tanks, and rigged up the thermite grenade to be set off remotely via commo wire and a large battery.   If you're starting to see where this is going, you're brighter than the Capt. 

Placed 'em back about 50m into the tunnel.  First stage, pop'd the air tanks.  This aersolized the flour.  (ie, put the flour into the air, finely distributed.)   Did I meantion I was using PURE OXYGEN tanks?   Then I connected the leads to the battery to set off the thermite grenade.  For a second or two, nothing.  Couple folks chuckle and roll their eyes.

That is, until ground literally jumped.  The sound blast knocked everyone over, as a geyser of flame starts shooting out of the tunnel entrance and the ground starts to shake.  Unfortunately, the geyser does not go out either.  Seems the initial blast did NOT collapse all of the tunnels.  Thus the fuel air explosion continued to suck in air and likely natural gas from below. 

Uh, whoops?

I spent 30 minutes locked at attention getting screamed at for "blowing up a mountain", "unauthorized use of explosives", "setting a friendly country on fire", etc etc.  Naturally, the brass never bothered to ask if I was ordered to do so or not.  Said Capt never bothered to bring the point up.   Or that the tunnel was being used for weapons smuggling.  Sigh.

[Jamisjockey]

2ndLt. Redd leads SSgt Hester, CPL Jamisjockey, two LcPL's and 4 Pvts out to do an MMT.  That's where we set up a runway in the desert for C130's to drop off fuel bladders and ammo for the helo's to do a FARP.
Said LT wasn't the brightest Butterbars in the Marines.  She was known for stupid human tricks such as running her boat onto a sandbar with it full of enlisted guys, only requisitioning one radio for a previous MMT, and allowing us enlisted boys to bring our POV's and personal firearms out to the MMT's. 
So, among the various items we had with us were Pop flares.  Normally we only had a handful, and wouldn't even use them.  I think the intended use was to signal aircraft of hostiles too close to the FARP or something like that.
Well, this time out, she made an error on the form.  She drew 4 boxes of the things from supply.
C130 returns, they load the fuel bladder back onto it and it leaves.  SSgt hester hands me a bunch of flares and then tells the Pvts to go police up the runway markers.  "watch this" he says to me....as he shoots a pop flare at one of the Privates.  Much hilarity ensues as we begin shooting pop flares. 
Until one lands where the fuel bladder had been.  Seems nobody mentioned the 50-100 gallons of spilled avgas.
Yes it created a huge bonfire.  Large enough that the MP's showed up.
It's very, very hard getting your ass chewed by a LT who can't raise her voice without it cracking, and whom looks like a racoon from breaking her nose running her boat onto a sandbar a week before....very hard not to laugh. 

[Cromlech]

Sounds like a blast. 

[Creeping Incrementalism]

Well, I've never been in the military, but these seems like a good thread to add a few stories I heard from someone who was a special forces demo guy in the Army during the Vietnam era.

During training around Ft. Bragg, they would often get bored.  They would open up the blank cartridges, insert a double load of powder, and then crimp it around a small stick, and shoot things for fun.  One guy tried to shoot a frog that was underwater, and he stuck the end of his flash suppressor into the water to make sure his aim was true.  Not all of the suppressor was underwater--there was enough space, he thought, for the gas to blow out.  And sure enough, the gun blew up.  When he got evacuated, everyone covered for him and didn't mention the shenanigans that caused it.

I asked him if anyone ever tried to smuggle out explosives, and he said sure enough, someone did.  Somehow a member of that three-letter Quebec terrorist organization that was also in the Canadian Army was doing some training at Bragg.  One day he hightailed it with a lot of explosives, but got caught at the border and ended up doing an exceptionally long stint in prison.

I then asked him if he ever tried to sneak out explosives--I know a checker at Safeway who got five years of prison time for hoarding explosives when he was a demo guy in the 82 Airborne--and he said no, because (1) he lived in a barracks and there was no place to hide it, but more importantly, (2), it was so easy to make explosives out of commercially available materials that there was no need to.  He then proceeded to tell me a story about how surprised they would be on the range when their improvised explosives would hurl debris a hundred yards past the berm they were hiding behind (making it themselves was official training since they were Green Berets).

[Manedwolf]

As soon as I saw "under sacks of flour", I knew what would happen. Awesome. 

[charby]

google cremora bomb

They are fun...

[Bogie]

Powdered sugar (mmmm... donuts....!) likes to burn too.

[280plus]

Yea, we have a running joke at the range concerning a certain SEAL (USN Ret) who one day was in charge of firing up the trash barrel for warmth. He was using some form of liquid accelerant, gasoline I think, and after dumping a bunch of it in the barrel on top of the trash he had a spot of trouble getting his match lit. Meanwhile the gas fumes are multiplying until he finally get's a match to light and tosses it in. I understand it too made quite the mushroom cloud and did in FACT set the woods on fire. So now, every time we get to firing the barrel up the old story comes out and he relives it and all the ribbing again, and again, and again...