from scrappleface.com
Hugo Ch?vez Alleges Conspiracy to Make Him Paranoid
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace ? 74 Comments
(2007-12-01) As Venezuelans prepare to vote on a package of changes to their constitution which will help President Hugo Ch?vez to remain in power indefinitely, and to extend his control to all major aspects of government and business, the iconic socialist today said George Bush, CNN, the Roman Catholic Church, the CIA and the government of neighboring Columbia have engineered a secret conspiracy to make him paranoid.
There is a sinister plot brewing, said Mr. Ch?vez, to try to make me believe that everyone is plotting against me. Theyre trying to scuttle this referendum by making me look like an irrational ranting maniac.
Mr. Ch?vez has recently accused CNN of fomenting an assassination plot, called Catholic Church leaders mental retards , labeled Colombias president as a brutal liar and Spains former prime minister a fascist, in addition to previously calling Mr. Bush the devil during a speech at the United Nations.
However, Mr. Chavez said he is prepared to use the full force of the Venezuelan military to crush any attempt to make him delusional.
I know their secret ways, said Mr. Ch?vez, This dastardly cabal cannot succeed in making me paranoid, because I know already that theyre out there in the bushes, behind every tree. I know theyve even infiltrated my own staff, my spies, my body guards and my top military men. Im always one step ahead of them. I sleep with one eye open, ready in an instant to crush their assaults on my mental stability.
Mr. Chavez concluded his seven-hour televised speech by thundering, These people who are out to get me will never get me to believe that people are out to get me.
